My son M

M and I have a challenging relationship. He is nearing 9. we have a challenging time relating to one another, my attempts at showing him new things, or helping him, or being affectionate usually end in him angry. None the less, I love my son very much and I will keep trying to show him things, and help him and love him.

I try to do something special with each of the kids individually. I usually ask them what they want to do for "mii mii time" and then if it's feasible, I make a plan and do it. M wanted to go to Victoria and go to a waterfall, and then have spicy food.

I googled and I asked people who lived there, and I could only really find one waterfall: Goldstream park, pretty close to Victoria. I warned M that there is construction on the highway and the drive can take 3 hours - he still wanted to go. So I got up this morning, we drove, he was very quiet and didn't want to chat, we got to the park,  finally found parking; asked for directions and hiked to the falls. It was gorgeous. It was like being in an enchanted rainforest, everything was glowing, and the water was clear. Words cannot describe how beautiful it was.

We talked a bit as we stood there, and as we walked back to the car when he was done. I let him decide when he wanted to go. We then drove back to Duncan and went to my favourite Indian food restaurant where M tried butter chicken for the first time. We talked here more, but nothing really deep or meaningful or connecting. But he seemed to be having fun and was happy, which is all that mattered to me. Then we drove back home.

I worry that M will not feel like I cared about him like I do his siblings because there isn't that same connection. I don't love him less at all, I just am at a loss. The only thing I can do is continue to be there for him when he wants me, answer his questions, tell him I love him, and make sure I make time for him (as he doesn't demand my time like the other kids do)

Oh and I'd post pictures from today but I can't figure out how to do it from my phone :)