Friday, October 28, 2011

All Hallow's Eve

Halloween is coming. As with all holidays there is a slight tension in the air between Craftymama and myself. We differ wildly on the practice and purpose of holidays. In short - I don't like them, or at least how they are practiced conventionally.

Halloween is an easier one I guess. There isn't much to it. There is the stress of making a costume - I cant buy costumes for two reasons 1) that'd cheating, and cheaters dont deserve candy and 2) I can't make myself be okay with spending $50 minimum for our four kids' costumes on a holiday that is over in two hours - we have better things we could spend that money on, in my mind. So we make them. Only this year, it's the 28th, and no costumes have been made. Life has been hectic and chaotic and so so crazy that we just haven't had time, and frankly, I have been incapable of it. So what do we do?

We can either buy the costumes - and I can tremble a little inside, they can all go as ghosts or something (I totally rocked the ghost costume one year!), we can buckle down and actually make them something, or we can not celebrate it this year because everything else is going on.

I dont know what we do - I feel I can't make this decision because good or bad Craftymama will be handling, dealing with, or doing most of it. But I know she doesnt want to make the decision either.

3 days...the answer will come in three days. Oh - and of course the men remain quiet.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The Poor Kids

Our kids go to a waldorf school . This isn't a debate on waldorf. We pay for their schooling, so in essence it is a private school. I also went to a private school . Dont get me wrong, I never went without, we weren't poor. But I was definately one of two poor kids at the school. I wasnt angry, then or now, at my mom for being the poor kid - I was at a private school - of course the majortity of the people are richer than I. But I hated the feeling. I hated that I knew I was not as well off, and that I didn't have the latest uniform shit, or that my uniform pieces were hand me dows etc etc.

I dont want that for my kids. It was an awful feeling. Their school has a lot of clothing requirements. Things like no logos or characters Im totally on board with. Things like no jewlery - while I disagree with, I accept because it is a private school and it is their call. What gets me is all the requirements for warmth. They need rain boots, and snow boots, rain pants, and snow pants, light jackets, rain jackets, and snow jackets. They need a thousand different pieces of clothing. Our kids' boots are their boots. We layer for winter. I dont have the funds to provide four kids with 4 different jackets each. And I feel awful being unable to do that. Almost like Im a lesser parent because Im not providing the best for the kids in their eyes. Or I feel like shit about my job because if I made more money we could afford it.

Craftymama shares more of the views on warmth than I do. I agree with the priciple, just not the application. But even she disagrees with the extreme. Though I think she is being roped in on the whole Bog boots thing . Thankfully she has let the muddy buddy thing blow over. All the kids and parents have these two items - it like a cult Im told. Ive never actually witnessed it - but I believe it.

Glassman stays quiet - as he normally does. Guys just dont seem to care about the intricacies of wardrobe and class systems at schools. lol

Friday, October 21, 2011

In which I talk about pretty much nothing

Craftymama and I are in a different kind of relationship. Same sex couples aren't new, we aren't breaking new ground, we dont face the same kind of persecution and discrimination that those before us did. But - its still different. As a result of this both of us are noticing how the world is not only catered to the norm there are biases and beliefs that are so engrained in culutre that we dont even see them.

On a school form for the kids it asks for mother and father. Simple - who thinks anything of this? I sure didnt before. But now..we are mother and mother - so we often find ourselves crossing this off. Cableman and Glassman are involved with the kids of course - but not really with school. All school stuff is us. Now, we arent thinking it should say mother and mother, or that we should have different forms. But shouldnt it say parent 1 and parent 2?

I've also been doing reading on what it would take for Craftymama and I to have a baby together. Screw the actual getting pregnant and finding sperm business. But did you know that after Craftymama and I have the baby the one who didnt give birth (the non gestational parent) has to apply to adopt the baby. And with that process comes: homestudy's, letters of reference, job letters, criminal record checks, and a letter from the gestational parent stating why they want their partner/spouse to adopt their own child. Oh..and fees. Anywhere from $1200-$2500 I've seen. To adopt your own child. The NGP will have been there through everything, through the trials and tribulations of trying to get pregnant, pregnancy, and birth and still they have to pay to adopt their own kid. Two people can have a one night stand and the sperm donor would be more of a legal parent to their kid right off the bat. Its so annoying - and honestly, it makes me so angry. I shake with rage when I think about it. Its so unfair. One day it wont be like this. Just like before craftymama and I wouldnt have been able to get married - one day..same sex couples wont have to prove that they are worthy of parenting their own children.

Im still shy - tbh. Craftymama has joined this group on facebook that I had seen previously and wanted to join - but couldnt bring myself to do it. About 90% of people on my facebook still think Im with glassman. I wouldnt care if they knew I wasnt. I dont want them to think I was. Im not ashamed or embarassed of being with Craftymama either. Its...idk..I dont want the extra attention. I even like attention...Idk what it is..Maybe Im afraid of disappointing people. IDK..Id scream to the world about how much I love her..but why cant I stand up for our relationship on facebook?

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Pseudo Dad

The pseudo dad...thats what I am called at my work. To some extend - I fit that role better. I told Craftymama about this and we got into a discussion about labels. I am a working mom - there is a difference between that and being a dad; even though some of the emotions/problems or whatever are the same.

People so easily want to put others into a mold, something that they are more comfortable with; just so they can feign understanding. I dont fit the dad role, in the typical sense; nor do I fit the mom one either. My position is hard. I am reminded frequently of how difficult it is.

But I then realized that at no time in my life have I ever really fit a typical label. I never was a typical high schooler - I didnt have a lot of friends. I wasn't the typical type of student that went to my all girl's private school. I didn't fit the typical university life. Etc etc etc..when it comes to my social interactions or my relationships I have never been typical, never been normal, never fit in with one group or another. And maybe, maybe, that's my struggle. I yearn to belong somewhere. To have a group of people that I fit in with.

Its not that i want to be normal..I like standing out. But in standing out..I feel like I am always looking in to the places I long to be. I long to fit in with the guys at work, I long to be as care free as them. I long to fit in as a stay at home mom. I yearn to fit in with the parents at the kids school and talk about pregnancy and argue about warmth. I so want to feel like I fit in with adults buying their first homes..but I dont. I am all of those things and I am none of them.

Friday, October 7, 2011


The three of us are committed.

We have agreed to buy a house together. Well, that was the plan, but Glassman's credit wasn't good enough so Craftymama and me are buying it and Glassman will be paying into contingencies, and property tax etc with the intention of going on the mortgage in a year. The offer has been accepted and we have been approved by its just the inspection and what not left.

Its funny, not all that much has changed and yet everything is different. We still live with glassman, he still buys us coffee, we still get him stuff, and we still drink together occasionally. And we are getting this house together. It seems all very relationshippy - and yet, we aren't. There is that spark missing. To be honest, sometimes its still there. Sometimes I can see Craftymama and Glassman look at eachother and its exactly as it was before. Sometimes glassman picks me up and spins me around and its exactly as it was before.

We are creating a new breed of family - again. Its different, but it doesnt mean its bad. There are more people to love the kids - and thats really the most important. We are all happy - save for the few days here and there where we just get stabby and irritated.

Its weird, and its not weird and there are benefits and drawbacks...but here we are...again... Us3plus4.