Saturday, September 27, 2014

Downstairs Neighbour

The place we live in now technically has a partially above ground basement suite downstairs. When we looked at the place the landlord told us that he kept it empty and planned to use it for him and his son to come and and stay in the country during the summer. Well, that never happened, and about a month in to living there he told us he was looking for someone to rent the suite.

Fast forward 1.5 months and it seems he has found someone. They are a young couple with a 15month old. I don't know what would possess them to agree to live below a family with 5 kids all 8 or under. But they are strongly thinking about it apparently.

I don't want to live above someone. I really really don't. I don't want the anxiety of my kids running around upstairs, or playing outside. I want to be able to have conversations with craftymama and glassman without wondering or knowing (depending on location) that the people below us can hear every single word clearly. I don't want to have to worry all the freaking time, and I will. It will make me an angry person.

Here's the dilemma - it's September 27th. Craftymama and Glassman want to have a place lined up before we give notice, so obviously we will not giving notice in 3 days, so we will not be moving for November 1st. Craftymama will not move for December or January 1st, which means not moving until February 1st at the earliest. That's 4 months of potentially living above someone. 4 months of constantly worried about how loud we are being for our downstairs neighbours.

Now, Craftymama and Glassman argue that because they have agreed to live below a family with 5 kids, that they know what they are getting into in terms of noise. While I agree with that, to some extent, you still have to be considerate of your neighbours when you have them so close. Which means if they need you to be quiet because their baby is sleeping, then you need to try to be quiet. If they can hear every running step the kids take at early hours of the morning, then we have to remind the kids to use gentle feet constantly. I don't want that. I don't want the stress of trying to get the kids to essentially stop being kids because we have people right below us.

Yet, this is where we find ourselves now. Who knows, maybe they won't take the place. That's what I'm hoping for at this point. 

Monday, September 22, 2014


I think I've used that title before. It seems over the last however many years that I have been keeping this blog that things are constantly changing for my family.

There are no big changes in the immediate future - but there are changes in the future. The problem is - we don't know what they are. We all feel like we are at some sort of cross roads or something in life and we need to figure out where it is exactly we want to be. Craftymama really wants to have some land where she can grow as much of our own food as is possible. Glassman doesn't want to have to work so much or commute quite as far to work. They both want a slower paced kind of life. Glassman wants a puppy, a german shepherd puppy. Craftymama wants chickens. Past those, and a few other specific things, there are no firm desires.

As for me...well...that's another problem in and of itself. I have no idea at all what I want. A part of me honestly wants to live in the city, work a normal 9-5, come home and zone out in front of the TV and not have to work about the chemicals and shit my family ingests. But I know that's not realistic. Another part of thinks it would be neat to live in the middle of nowhere, but I really have no desire to garden or harvest or any of that shit. I think the majority of the last 4 years, for me, has been merely trying to sustain myself with my mental health, that I haven't really given the whole "what do I want to do with my life" question a whole lot of effort. I never anticipated having a future, so I never planned for one. I don't know where to start. I'm don't like trying new things because I feel like I am too old. I don't like doing things Craftymama does because I have sucking at it in comparison to her. I don't have any interests or hobbies, or really anything. It's like trying to find yourself as a teenager all over again, but at the same time you have kids of your own and adult responsibilities to take into consideration. I don't know how to manage it all. I feel trapped.

LittleR and one of her best friends in her class had to be separated because they would only play with each other and were mean to the other kids. The teacher thinks it's nerves of being in a new class/grade. BigR hates homeschooling, but really only because he doesn't want to do any type of schooling and is bored without his siblings. I think he'll come around, and I honestly think it'll be better for him. J WILL NOT SLEEP! I feel so bad for Craftymama because she is the only one who *can* get him to sleep, but he refuses to so there is a lot of tears and unhappiness - on both their parts I think.  I don't get it, if he is so exhausted (which he is), then why not sleep?!?!

I went away for 4 days for work up island, and man I missed my family. It was so weird being away from them. I worked at night and slept for the morning (usually had a nap in the late afternoon), so my whole schedule was thrown off. I watched some episodes about The Duggars, and am inspired by how they do things, and I so wish we could do things like that. They make having so many kids look easy! I also was reminded of how much I hate commercials. Especially the same ones over and over and over again. It was good to come home, though I had to wake Craftymama up when I arrived at 3:00a because I was locked out, and snuggle up to her and then have BigR come and wake me up the next morning and give me a giant hug. The hugs I got from the kids when I did pick up and school that day were huge. I missed them all.

Monday, September 8, 2014

It's been forever!

Yes, it's been forever since I updated this blog. And I am sure no one is reading. But what I am sure of is that in however many years I will look back on these little tidbits of my life and smile, cry, and do all those things crazy mothers do when they look back into their pasts.

So we've moved. Do I like the new place? IDK. I like not being stressed that it's falling apart, like the last house, but it certainly does not feel like home. Not even in the slightest. The layout is weird, the landlord is weird, and, well, it's just not comfortable. Maybe it will be one day. Who knows how long we will be here, in the middle of no where, with no street lights in sight.

It's also time to be an adult and deal with the old house. We have someone who may be interested in doing a mortgage takeover; which would be handy. But there are so many things that need to be done, and deadlines from people that need to be met. When I think about the old house, and everything it has cost us: financially, emotionally, mentally - I wonder why any one ever buys houses in the first place. I don't want to ever do it again. I don't want to risk feeling the way I do now ever again.

Living with glassman has been an easy transition. I mean, I knew it would be. I've known the man for 24 years now, so it feels weird NOT living with him.

The Kids...

BigR started homeschooling today. He was excited about it over the summer, but seeing his friends at school (while dropping off the other kids) has made him have all the feelings an 8 year old can muster about this kind of situation. I think he will like the alone time with craftymama though, he has always thrived with one on one time, especially with her - a mama's boy at heart. He is really into pirates, and sword fighting. He and glassman often go outside in the evenings after the other kids are in bed and sword fight with glassman's martial arts sticks. They are really bonding - which is wonderful to see. He is a pretty moody 8 year old, which is normal I hear. He has found his voice, and uses it to talk back or argue - which is weird for me, because he has always been the soft spoken gentle one. He is still very precise and likes things a particular way, so I know now to touch his things - ever. His smile is infectious, and his eyes betray a wisdom far beyond his eight years. He can spend hours creating or listening to stories, and still holds childhood magic in his heart.

K is as social as social can be. She loves people. Let me elaborate...she loves adults. She would spend all of her time sitting with and listening into the conversations of any adult. She has no problems talking to them, no shyness, and no problems asking them embarrassing or personal questions. Her confidence in that regard is astounding. She has started grade 1 and loves it. She tells all of us, every day, about every little thing she has done that day - even going so far as to act out the actions of the story she heard, or display for us the movements she did in the gym. It can get exhausting to listen to, but I know she is just very excited and wants us to share in that excitement with her. She longs to know all the things that BigR already has learned, and loves nothing more than to mother J. She is already planning her wedding. She turns 7 this Wednesday. That's insane to me - that I've been doing this mothering thing for seven years already. She loves to help out around the house, including all chores. I have to be careful not to abuse that.

M  has grown so much over the summer - it's crazy! His coordination is leaps and bounds ahead of where it was before. He still expresses all his negative feelings in the form of anger, which can get exhausting, and demands physical exertion to keep him happy. He is a rough and tumble boy. He is still noise with dirt on it. But man oh man, can he be the sweetest thing in the world. Not too long ago he started to say "I love you" back to me when I would say it to him (so long as no one was around to hear it that is), and I tell you my heart damn near broke the first few times he said it. M doesn't let love or affection come out often, but when it does, I just melt. He is definitely going through the 6 year change. He has been saying things like, "it's not your life, it's mine" and "it can't help, it's just a blanket" (in reference to his blankie which has been a cherished, obsessed over object since birth for him). His dimples just seem to get deeper the older he gets, and I hope he never loses them. They can convey both trouble and joy. His anger can make him a challenge to parent at times, but at the end of the day when he snuggles up with his blankie, plants a big kiss on your cheek while giving you a squeeze hug - well, it just makes all the rage that day worthwhile.

LittleR is still weird and crazy and off. Whenever she sees a chicken she calls it a dinosaur. She, like most 5 year olds, goes immediately to cranky when things don't go her way. She has weird quirks - like her complete dislike of all muffins and raisins. She is still very much a mii mii's girl, and would stay on my lap all day if I would let her. She has a couple of best friends in school, who she absolutely adores, and which I think is so so cute. I often find myself wondering if this will turn into a friendship that lasts years and years; but I guess that depends on how long we are staying at the school. She is loud, and intense, and can stomp around the house like no body's business. There are times when I can't handle her screaming, and times when I have an endless amount of patience for her. She still screams, all the time, about everything. It's getting old. She always seems to be watching me though, and if I have even the tiniest bit of a cranky look on my face, she points it out and asks why. I have to be careful around her.

J. Little baby J. He is nearly 10 months old, and is cruising around furniture, getting into everything he can get into. The boy loves him some bananas, and green vegetables, and he is starting to get a taste for starchy and bready things. He is also a mama's boy, but I think that's normal for this age. He still sleeps in the bed with us, pressed up against craftymama or at least facing her. He hates to getting wrapped, but loves being up in a wrap. I really want to wrap him more. I keep saying and thinking that but I actually need to do something about that feeling. He has absolutely no fear of the water, which I love. He loves to get wet. A lot of people say he looks like Teo. He is obsessed with cars, and has been for months, which I think is quite young to have such a defined preference for toys - but here we are. He has been a wonderful addition to our family.

So yeah, that's pretty much us. I am going to try to post more often. I'll regret it if I don't.