Friday, November 30, 2012

One Year

It's been one year since we moved from the green house. One year since that awful awful move that left Glassman and I unloading until 4am, and then sleeping in the dining room with boxes all around. One year of trying to make this house into our home. One year - and we are still faltering.

The house isn't ours yet, it is more expensive than we ever imagined it to be, and now one year later - Glassman is moving out. Now money will be even tighter, and how are we supposed to get ahead. I have no idea what we are going to do, no idea how we can make the house ours.

My heart breaks for Craftymama whose heart is breaking over missing the green house and who is unhappy in this house. It's true - we live a lot messier here than we ever did there - and the reason is, we have gotten used to it. It was never in pristine condition, so we have never seen it that way and thus have no motivation to make it that way. The green house was pristine from the beginning and thus was easy to keep that way. We weren't playing catch up like we are here. It's frustrating.

If only there was more time and more money. I'm sad today - sad for many reasons.

Monday, November 26, 2012

What Glassman Did

Glassman went and told the girls he was moving out - without me. He told them too much information, like he didn't have enough money to live with us, and he told them without me, without me. It's insane to me that he thought it was okay to do this. This was a conversation I should have been there for, this affects all of us, and they shouldn't have had to hear it from just him. Worst of all, the boys had to hear it from the girls instead of from a loving adult.

I'm disappointed.
I'm angry.
I'm upset.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Christmas is coming, and with it the Christmas questions of what to get them. Craftymama and I have differing opinions on Christmas, but we have compromised with a smaller Christmas, but still with Santa.

The kids are each getting a hand knit sweater. I am knitting for K and R and craftymama for LittleR and M. They will also be getting blocks made from tree branches that have been sanded down smooth, and hand sewn stuffed animals. Of course there will be oranges, socks and underwear in the stocking, along with some playsilks. Then each child gets a bigger present. M will be getting a locally made pickup truck with logs, R will be getting a locally made wooden sword and shield, LittleR is getting a bead maze, and K is getting a doll swing for her baby. They are also getting a plan toys car track set that we got used on a local website. It's a pretty awesome and thrifty Christmas, which is nice for me.

Then there are the men, what do we get them? And family, it's so stressful deciding what to do for them. I think we have Glassman nailed down, but Cableman is kind of up in the air. As far as family, I'm not sure what we are doing - there are a lot of family members on my side. My mom, two sisters, 5 nieces and nephews, and then Craftymama's side as well. I wouldn't feel so stressed and pressured about it if they weren't doing anything for me.

Christmas is full of expectations and stress, and I hate that. I would rather spend time with my family as my gift. Give them the gift of my family and spending time one another. I'd rather make dinner for one of them, and have them over at my house to enjoy a meal with us. I like things like that, rather than items. Maybe we can arrange that this year - who knows.

Now what we also need to do is plan Advent - wherein we do one christmassy activity per day - it's quite an exciting and exhausting month for Craftymama and the kids who has to do most of the day time activities. Maybe I can take some holidays (though I doubt it) over Christmas so as to help her where I can.

Monday, November 19, 2012

The Living Room

The living room is next on the list. Craftymama wants to tackle it this weekend. I'm nervous. Big projects like that overwhelm me - mostly the "where are all the things going" aspect. I need to be walked through it a little, otherwise I just collapse in a pile of overwhelmdness and can't function. There are built in book shelves covered with books, where are they going? All the furniture, all the everything.

We are lucky we don't need to live in the living room. The dining room is big enough to function as a sitting room, so we can just close the french doors to the living room and not worry about people touching the walls.

We are doing the living room the same colour as the dining room so they will flow into each other. Right now it is a blood red which suits the gothic type nature of the room, or the colour just makes it look gothic - who knows? So it will be interesting to see it cream coloured. It will be much brighter and seem bigger which will be a great thing for us since the house seems quite a bit smaller than the green house.

But how do I get passed my feelings of how to do it. I can help tape, and prime and maybe paint - but the moving of stuff out and around just frightens the bejeezes out of me.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Why I am so Upset

Craftymama asked me last night why I was so upset that glassman was moving out. After all, our relationship as husband and wife has been over for 2 years. We haven't been a couple in that long. That really made me think. Why am I so upset? Why does it matter if he moves out? Shouldn't I be more sad for the kids than I am for myself?

Well yes, I am sad for the kids - all of them. They all, rightly so, see Glassman as a father figure, and I am devastated that they won't have him around every day. But I also know that kids are resilient, and they will persevere. They will adapt. Kids adapt quickly and find a new way to be happy in the moment. I am not worried that they will hate me when they are older because I followed my heart in being with craftymama, and I never once have chased him away - in fact I welcomed him to stay. I am not sad that my kids will grow up in two homes. I know this bothered craftymama when cableman left, because she grew up in two homes and it was awful. I never had that experience. My experience was with an absentee father - so having any father in their lives is a bonus.

But I *am* sad for me. I am upset because this is the end of an era. Glassman and I have been living together for 9 years - that's one third of my life. I know his quirks, he knows mine, we have inside jokes, we get along, we understand what it's like to live together. Not that craftymama doesn't understand what it's like to live with me - she probably does better than he does, but it's still hard going from living with someone for 9 years, seeing them every day, sleeping in the same house, having dinner together - to only seeing them when you drop the kids off. There will be no more seeing him every day - and that hurts my heart.

I am upset because this is also the end of a good friendship. Yes, we will continue to be friends but because we will only see each other during drop off and pick up there is no way to maintain the friendship the same way it is now. He has been my good friend since grade 9 (though he treated me like crap for 2-3 years we were still friends). Having that relationship end is hard for me. It's like losing your best friend, losing a piece of yourself. Craftymama is the best friend I have, but glassman is up there too. I will miss that friendship we have.

I am also upset because it is the loss of a many year conquest. I told his mom is grade 2 that I was going to marry him one day. I know we aren't together - but his moving out is like a final loss to this whole saga. I never, ever, thought we would get back together, and don't even want to get back together with him, but the moving out is like the final nail in our marriage coffin; well I guess second to last nail, the last one being when we sign the divorce papers.

I am worried because we depend on him for things done around the house, we often say "that's a glassman job," and now he won't be here to do it. Who is going to pick up the slack - I know we will, but it was so easy to rely on him, I have come to rely on him - probably in my error, but now that reliance will be cut off.

Most of all - I will simply miss him.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

before and after - dining room

The dining room - before and after. Goodbye ugly puke green, hello beautiful hazelenut cream. Yes, the chandelier is going too.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

I may have pictures soon!

We painted the dining room this weekend. And I say "we" because I actually helped this time. I had been taking a back seat to reno's for numerous reasons, but craftymama convinced me that I needed to and had to help and give it a try. So I helped tape and did the primer. (Though the primer had to be fixed and touched up by her - I'm not the best at even coverage lol). Then she painted. It was kind of fun - now if only I could get it even.

Craftymama took before, during, and will take after pictures of this project so I can start posting them here soon. I'm hoping to eventually get pictures up of the whole house so people can see it in all its glory. Well, it will be in all its glory once we finish it. The kitchen and bathroom need the biggest do over.

Next on the list is glassman's room, and that's going to be a bigger project as we need to remove paneling, put in installation and then drywall, on top of taking out the floors, and walls - and then sanding them, and then finally painting them. There are also closet doors that need to be replaced, and some paneling that is missing that we have to find somewhere in the giant mess of construction remnants sitting in our garage.

After that - who knows - hopefully the kitchen. But with the roof, and the boiler, and the van, and Christmas, money is a little bit tight and all these cosmetic things cost a pretty penny.

But - some pictures soon! I promise!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012


I feel like I haven't really slept in 5 years. Until last night :)

You see, LittleR wakes up quite a bit still at night for various unimportant things, and then is up at 5:20a for the day. That involves me going up the stairs frequently throughout the night and trying to coax her to be quiet in the morning so the other kids don't wake up. All of this equals me not sleeping very well.

But last night LittleR was spending the night at her grandpa's house, and there was only 1 child waking by M, and I went to bed early because I was so tired. So I slept. I actually slept. It felt wonderful to wake up this morning and actually be awake and functioning. I drove to work without feeling sleepy in the slightest. I need to sleep more often.

So I guess we are sleep training the 3.5yr old. I'm not sure how to do this. Leaving her in her room while she is yelling for something is an option I am seriously considering. This would teach her that I am not coming upstairs during the night. However, that doesn't stop her from coming downstairs to get me, or from waking up so early. Perhaps a clock like we have for K would work for the early wakings. We got her a clock that has a moon and a sun and we set it for a certain time and she isn't allowed out of bed until the sun comes up. It's like a little kid alarm clock, except it keeps her in her room instead of waking her up :) I'm not sure if LittleR is too young for this though.

Regardless, something needs to be done, because I desperately need more sleep like I got last night. It was glorious.

Monday, November 5, 2012


So Glassman is moving out :(

He says he can't afford to live with us anymore, and I believe him, even though nothing has changed financially wise in the past year and he could afford it last year. I am sad. I am sad for many reasons...

1) the girls will only see him every other weekend. They are used to seeing him everyday. The boys wont see him at all, well maybe a little, but hardly. I am sad for my kids. Not sad that they will grow up in two houses, but sad at the change they have to go through. They will adapt as they are resilient, but I wish they didn't have to at all.

2) Through this I have realized that I have lost my good friend. I thought glassman and I had each other's backs still, but I guess we don't. I guess we each have to look out for our selves.

3) I'll miss him.

4) I'll miss, the house will miss, and craftymama will miss his extra income into the place. We are worried about finances, but what can you do but make it work.

So many reasons to be upset. There are reasons to be angry too, but I won't get into those as dwelling is not helpful and I am trying to let the anger go.

So, with the move comes bedroom changes. We will upgrade glassman's room with floor, ceiling, and wall removal/painting and move the boys into there. Then we will move into the boys' old room. Our current room downstairs will be turned into a playroom for the kids which we think they will love. It really will make a cute little playroom, I'm excited for that - but getting there will take some time and effort and money...which we don't have an abundance of because....

Our ceiling started leaking. Which means are roof needs repair or replacing. Fun times. Who has $8000 sitting around for a new roof? We certainly don't. We can't even borrow against our mortgage because we haven't even owned the house for a year yet. *sigh* owning a house is hard. But at least the roof will stop leaking and we can move the pot from our dining room floor soon....

Thursday, November 1, 2012

House and Hallows Eve

First the house. Our roof is leaking. Yup. Its leaking across a beam in the dining room, which, according to my reading, is the worst kind of leak - means there is a puddle somewhere and things will need to be replaced. Hello money we simply don't have. We have an estimator coming tomorrow, and then I'll call my insurance company and see if they will help cover it. The estimator is coming on the same day as the chimney sweep and the boiler guy - so we will finally have some reliable heat going on. So between the roof guy, the sweeper, and boiler dude - it's a lot of maintenance going on up in here.

Which is why I am trying to remember why we bought this house and why we moved to Duncan. The answer is the school, and sometimes I forget why we send them there. There is always so much involvement, and the cost, and everything else. But last night I was reminded.

We went to their pumpkin path instead of going trick or treating. The kids dressed up as special ghosts which entailed sheets, construction hats, pink gypsy pants and Hawaiian leis. They loved it and that's all that matters. The school was covered in lit jack o lanterns. Every family was asked to bring one during that day to help cover the school. We were led through a lit hallway (in which Craftymama's pumpkin was featured) and into the back area which was filled with even more pumpkins making a path for us to follow.

First we heard the beginning of a story of a little acorn child named tip toes lightly. After that we met her mother, Mother Wind who gave us all a feather to help blow the wind for autumn. Then we met a friendly owl and Jeremy mouse who had made cookies for everyone to share on this long journey to tip toes. We then saw a gnome cafe where the children could eat their cookies. We were then taken to a leaf boat where we heard the story of how the leaf boat was made and floated down a river thanks to Mother Wind. He gave all the children a river rock from his river. Then we traveled to the bakers shop where we received muffins from the bakers. Finally we made our way to Tip Toes Lightly's house where she sang us a song to put the bulb children to sleep, and then serenaded us on her violin. She presented us with acorn necklaces that had fallen from her trees. After that we walked down a path and got cider and popcorn and proceeded to a bon fire where we enjoyed our feast.

The weather held off and it was a magical time. The kids were enthralled with the stories and the pumpkins (and the being out late). It was a wonderful evening. And it is one of the many reasons I live in a house that needs so much maintenance and renovations - so my kids can experience the magic that is childhood and create memories that will last them for years to come.