Tuesday, December 16, 2014


There are chickens in my future.

I can't tell you how many, and I can't tell you when, but I can tell you that they are coming. Craftymama is wearing me down - slowly. It helps that I saw some chickens that I fell in love with. Is THIS not the most awesome chicken you have every seen. They are called Silkies. They  have black skin, come in array of colours, have 5 toes (instead of the usual 4) and lay about 3-4 eggs for week - so not very many. They are also very broody - which means they want to mother all the things. It's a weird chicken. I fell in love with how weird it is and looks. I made a deal that with Craftymama that I would consider allowing her to get chickens if there was at least one silkie in the mix somewhere. I wonder if I can train it to sit on my shoulder...

Craftymama wants to do them free range, literally, so they would have no fences or anything around them. Apparently chickens don't go that far from their coop because they get lost too easily. I am concerned for wild animals. We do live on 115acres. I am sure there is wildlife present that would just love a delicious meal of fresh chicken. I would hate to be constantly replacing them if they kept being eaten.

Then there is the problem of what we do with them after the age of like 4 when they stop laying. Chickens can live for quite some time I learned, and if they aren't laying, then you are just paying for a pet. So one has to determine if you want to keep them as a pet or not. If not, then what. The usual method is to kill them. Craftymama said she couldn't do it, I doubt glassman would, but I am of the belief that it's partly your responsibility if you own the chicken and have decided to kill it because it's of no use to you any longer than you should respect it and it's life enough to do it yourself. So, I think the task would fall to me. I'm not sure if I am up for that, it's something to think on.

Also, if we move we may have to take them with us, so there would be the issue of where to put them if we moved into the city. We lucked out with the awesome house and property we are on now, and I don't think we'll find something like this again, so the likelihood of having ample space for chickens in a new house is low. I'd like to stay in our house for the 6 months our lease is, and then if our landlord agrees to et us stay here longer, then get chickens. I'm concerned we will ave to move after 6 months and thus don't want to do anything too permanent.

Regardless, I feel at some point in the future craftymama will get her chickens that she has been asking for for about 3 years I think. I will get eggs, which I have been missing since summer when our CSA ended, and then, maybe, everyone will be happy.

Also - craftymama has been begging for goats.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Finding a Balance

This is my 4th week back at work full time. In the grand scheme of jobs it's a really good job. It pays well, they provide awesome coffee in the kitchen in the office, they do lunch for everyone every Thursday; it's just a good place to work. It's not my dream career, working in a funeral home is, but you know it's not bad. 

However, finding a balance is hard. I find the transition from work to home really hard. The 15 minute drive home just isn't enough or isn't the right thing to help make that more smooth. At work, I'm in an office by myself. I'm constantly answering phones, talking to people, checking my email in between phone calls and conferring with other staff about shipping or prices or some other thing. It's busy, and my mind is always working and thinking but it's quiet. At home - it's chaos. There is't the same kind of thinking at home. There are 5 of them and when I get home at least one of them is cranky, and one of them is off the wall insane/energetic. Craftymama is tired - rightly so, and everyone is hungry as it's nearly dinner time. 

I don't know how to come into my own house where expectations of me are completely different without losing my cool a bit. I lose my patience with the kids quicker than I have a right to, I take my frustration with myself at being unable to cope out on Craftymama and Glassman when he gets home shortly after me. 

I want to be able to come home in the evenings and listen to what my kids did that day and not be thinking about work or the 50 things I have to do at home that night. I want to be able to read them stories and not wonder when the book will be over. I want to be present with them in a meaningful way. I don't know how to do it. 

I wonder if I knew how to do it when I was working before, or if I was at least better at it. Maybe I wasn't. I don't remember. I don't know if this is something I have aways struggled with and always wanted to fix - but I know it's something I want to fix now. We are all entitled to our bad days - but I have no right or desire to make every evening with my kids bad because I can't handle change. 

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Christmas is Coming

So the holidays are upon us once more. We have many activities going on. There are gold and silver advent stars appearing on our kitchen ceiling every night. There is an advent wreath with a new candle every sunday. There is the advent calendar with a different fun activity every day for the kids to do. It's a lot of things. There is is Christmas itself. We try to do a low key Christmas at our house. Santa normally brings one gift each for the kids, plus a toy for them all, and their stockings. They are also spoiled by the grandparents.

Then on boxing day we usually have an open house style things at our house. With three parents living under one roof there are a lot of people who wants visits and it simply isn't fair to do some and not all so we have the open house and invite them all over at any point in the day. This is how it has always been. It works. Some years we don't get to see certain grandparents, but we try. With all 8 of our hectic schedules (and it could be worse if the kids were in extra curricular activities) it's hard to find the free time to get to go any places to visit. We do rely on people coming to us. Maybe that's a cop out, but that's how it is.

So we told all the grandparents about this, more reminded them as we figured they all knew. And I heard back from my mom. I was so disappointed. She treated me so curtly, and informally. She thanked me for the "kind invite", didn't know "if that would work" for her, would have to "think on it awhile and let [me] know." It was just so cold sounding. Like it was an automated response. What we're doing shouldn't come as a surprise. We always do this. Plus I'm excited for the first time in 4 years to show people where we live - it's a gorgeous house. I'm sad my mom probably won't come.

I keep trying for a relationship with her, but she doesn't seem to be trying back. I won't give up entirely though. I will not be the one to do that. I will not have myself looking back on my life one day and wishing I had made more effort to connect with my mother. I won't have that on my conscience.

In other news.....

I got a raise at my job - yay! And my own office, and a headset phone - it's like I'm special or something.