Who am I to say that I want my kids to love themselves and be able to accept themselves for everything they are if I can't do it myself. I posted a few weeks back about learning to love myself in my tiger bathing suit, and yet it is still something I struggle with. Doing what I want to be doing for me and not for anyone else. I feel like I am going through what I should have gone through in my early 20's now. It's not a mid-life crisis it is a finding myself, it is a learning to love myself. I've proposed to my partners that we focus on our health and try to eat better in a further effort to lose the weight that plagues me, I have gotten Craftymama to dread my hair completely, time will tell if it will all stay in this time, and I put another hole through my face: vertical labret to be exact. I like piercings and tattoos (I got a new tattoo a month or so ago in fact, yay for saving birthday money!). I like the adrenaline rush, I like everything about it. I love how it feels.
This is my body. This is my Self. My family accepts me and loves me who I am. My kids love me for who I am - even with all my flaws. The least I can do is try to do the same.
Speaking of my family and my partners - our anniversary is coming up. October 28th is what we are calling our official anniversary. It is kind of complicated how everything got started so there is no official date of starting or when we sat down and said "yes, we are committed now." It's been 6 years now. 6 years in a polyamorous relationship. It has been tumultuous and simultaneously wonderful. I have learned about love, and communication, and trust and just what should make up a healthy relationship. I have two people who will stand by me and with me while I go through my mental health issues. I have two people to help coparent and love all my children. I have two people who will fix the sheets on the bed in the middle of the night because I can't sleep when they are wrinkly. So we are coming up on 6 years - it is incredible. I am incredibly lucky, and blessed, and happy to be with the both of them. As they have told me on multiple occasions, I am a challenging person. I know this. I know how amazing it is that I am with people who both get me and help make me a better person at the same time.