So today marked back to reality. Actually - the only thing that changed was that I went back to work. Glassman still isn't working, though he did call EI today to get that figured out and is hoping to start up with a glazing company in Duncan in the next couple of weeks. So nothing changed for anyone but me.
I realized, today, that I need a change. I need to be doing something that brings my joy. I love the people I work for and its a great job, and I am good at it, but it isn't my passion. Not only is it unfair to me to be working at something that isn't my passion, it's unfair of me to be taking the job of someone who's passion this might be. I can picture the person now: the one who loves refinishing furniture, or crafty things, who has the patience for these techniques and small details, the person who loves sales, and talking to people (though I do love talking to people). That person is out there, and I am taking their job, and that isn't fair.
I am afraid of losing the friends I have made, and the connections I have forged with people. I have been honest with them about everything since the beginning and they have been supportive and flexible and wonderful with me through being kicked out of my house, my mental health issues, and the many things that arise with children. I don't want to lose that.
I made a New Years Resolution to choose joy and I need to do that. I need to choose something that brings me joy.