Thursday, October 30, 2014


We found a house. It's a 100 yr old farm house on 115 acres. We are not responsible for the land as there is another house on the property and in exchange for rent he takes care of the land and animals. Yes, there are animals. Llamas and rams right now I believe, though he did say that goats and chickens would be fine. Its a gorgeous house, very unique.

I have never in my however many years I have been working had so many issues finding a job - any job. I'll take anything at this point. I was stupid for turning down that job as a busser. I should have just sucked it up and taken in. I apply, I hear back, I think the interview goes great, and then I'm told that I didn't get it. I don't know. It's frustrating. I  need a job. I need a job badly. I wish I was skilled or trained in something, but I'm not. I'm not really trained in anything, I've just had a series of interested jobs that have taught my valuable skills, but those skills are nothing compared to other applicants who have direct experience in a given field.

Schooling or lack thereof continues to be on the table. We love the early childhood program at the waldorf school - but are unsure if the grades program is for us. I'm not sure if homeschooling, or it would be more waldorf inspired unschooling, is for us because I am not sure we provide an enriching enough environment. I'm so skeptical and critical. It would save us some money if they didn't go to the school, but I'm just not sold on the idea of keeping them home. It would be nice to be able to put them in activities outside of school; like scouts, toastmasters or gymnastics. It would be wonderful to not have the mornings be so hectic and chaotic and to be able to go more at our own pace, or craftymama's pace I guess as my plan is to be working full time.

Everything feels so up in the air. Everything is in question. I'm searching for some solid ground and not finding any. I  hear it will come eventually, and nothing worth having comes without work.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

The Long Road Ahead

So the people took the place. To top it all off the guy is a smoker, and smokes outside. The kids say they have seen him throw his cigarette butts on the lawn - so that's just fabulous. Not only do we have to tell the kids (mostly K) to leave people, we also have to tell them to stay away from that whole side of the building when he is out there having a smoke, or close our windows when he is right below them by his doorway. So moving is definitely on the table, in fact, it is a must. But how?

You see, since losing my job at the end of February (which, on an emotional level, I still haven't really dealt with and still feel major feelings about), we have been just barely scraping by. We managed to do it for so long because frankly we stopped paying bills. Our house was falling apart anyways and we couldn't afford to fix the things that we should have been told about before we bought the house in the first place! So, I got some part time temporary jobs, we decided we wanted to live with glassman again (which would give us his income), and we moved to a place with lower rent than our mortgage payments were, drastically cut down our monthly expenses and have been trying to make it work. We are barely making it work. I found an employment field I would love to work in, and seem to be good at, and am hoping to start a career in - but what's the point in starting a career around here if we are considering relocating somewhere completely different.

The type of place we want is a minimum 3 bedroom home with some land for planting vegetables and maybe having some animals (chickens, goats etc) in the future. That's hard to come by in any potentially feasible price range around here. So we have been looking at the interior of BC, or northern Vancouver Island - or really anywhere that will work for us. We are willing to relocate far for the right property and the right house. So what's the point in me starting a career here, signing a contract to stay with the same place (as they pay for industry training so you have to sign a working contract), if we are just leaving. So I'm left in the position of finding a job, any job, that will pay us enough to survive where we are now, and hopefully save up some money to relocate.

Here is where my personal whatevers come into play. I applied for a bunch of jobs last week. One of them at a restaurant. I got an interview, went, and he wanted me to come in for a training shift. The ad was for a cook in the kitchen, the actual job he wanted me for was a busser (so I don't even get a share of the tips). The job paid minimum wage. I agreed to it, because hey, I need a job, but as the day I was scheduled to work got closer I kept having these negative thoughts - which sound so silly. But I feel at 29 years old, with a university degree, tons of experience in a variety of fields, that I should not be working a minimum wage job, a job that is suited for 16 year olds. Yes, I feel better than it. And that's awful. When you have no job, you should be grateful for any job that comes your way. But I couldn't get over it. I want to be doing something meaningful with my life, or at least something I enjoy, or at the very very least something that pays me enough money to make enduring it worthwhile. I don't know how to satisfy at least one of those criteria. But I need a job. And it shouldn't be something on the career side of things because we do want to relocate. Nor should it be something I greatly enjoy because that will make leaving it harder. Finally, I don't think I am going to find anything that pays me what I think I should be making (which honestly, isn't much, a couple bucks over minimum wage would be awesome). I got a phone call from Tim Hortons; I think I'll call them back and set up an interview. I like coffee and donuts, and customer service so maybe that'll work. And besides, maybe I could transfer locations when we do eventually find a house so I'd be going wherever we go with a job.

Sigh, when did being a damn adult become so complicated. Just for one month i would love to not stress over how we are paying the bills, or be able to take my kids fun places without worrying about money. I know there are a lot of people in the same boat, so I am not alone, but company doesn't make the journey any easier.