Monday, July 30, 2012


OMG. We did the stair banister over the weekend much to my fears and worries about not knowing how. And it completely changes the look of upstairs. Its so open and bright up there now. The upstairs is really coming along. I'm stoked. Its starting to look like an actual house up there. We haven't even been here and we have completely transformed up there. K's room is done (Andrea is constantly adding cute things though). The boys room is next (after we add molding to the ceiling/wall, which we should have done before the banister in hindsight).

Owning a house has been hard work. The constant stress of money. The constant need to upgrade/improve etc, and the impatience with being unable to do it when we want to.

In other news....

R and LittleR are going to be going to a Snoezelen room next week. It's supposed to be great for kids with sensory issues or autism and they both have sensory issues. I'm excited for them to get to experience an environment where I think there true interests will show and where they will feel more comfortable and not overwhelmed by their surroundings. I can't believe there is one of these in Nanaimo, and I can't believe not more people know about it. I heard about them a while ago, but never thought to look for one close by - that'll teach me.

Still in other news....

My waldorf studies go well. I have finished 3 books of my 8 - which is impressive considering that are by Rudolf Steiner and written in the 1920's. Sometimes its hard for me to keep up, but I'm trying. I'm taking notes and everything. I really hope I get to go to the West Coast Institute, but I may not, I may just volunteer at the kids' school and get some experience that way.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Life update

We are doing the stairwell upstairs this weekend. I'm stoked. It's getting done which is so nice! I did some labels and built a website for my company so I get a bit of a bonus - this is giving us some play room with the renos. We are taking out the solid wall paneled banister and replacing it with spindles and some sort of square block thing on the corners that Craftymama knows the name of but I do not. She is the architectural housing buff around these parts. Its going to open up the space SO SO much.

The girls have been spending some time away from home at Grandpa S's. I miss them terribly, but I know they are having a good time and building a relationship that will hopefully be strong and last well into their adulthood. After having lost my grandmother, I see how important grandparents can be - if only for us as parents. I, for one, want my kids to know their grandparents well. And I've learned that through my grandma's passing. I can see in my mother's eyes her love for her mom, and how much she wanted to share that with her daughters. How it was important to her that we, her children, knew her roots - her livelihood. It may not seem important to me now, but I know it will as I get older and as my mother gets older. Time really is short.

Speaking of spending time away, I wish often that the boys had the opportunity to spend time with their grandparents - for the same reasons above. Their grandparents are amazing people, and I love them. They have been supportive, and welcoming, and have embraced me and the girls into their family. I never feel like an outcast, which is simply wonderful. We are lucky to have them in our lives. I guess I wish for all the kids to spend time with Craftymama's parents, and with my mom. Grandpa S is Glassman's dad, and given our separation I don't know about his relationship with the boys. I know he never forgets about them, or Craftymama, on birthdays or at Christmas - which is more than he needs to be doing. I just wish the boys has the opportunity to spend the night away, to know what that is like to be spoiled and given 100% attention by the grandparents. It's a special thing. Hopefully that happens soon.

One of the reasons it isn't happening is that R still wears a diaper at night. He can, occasionally, go without one, but for the most part he pees every night. At just a touch over 6 I am unsure if this is normal or not. I know boys do things slower, but I want to help him in some way. I know he is embarrassed and for that reason is nervous about being away, but maybe that would give him the push that he needs to really make it an effort instead of relying on the pull ups.

What else?

- M had his hearing tested, he's fine, but they made some comments on his speech so he is going to be seeing a speech therapist.
- LittleR is going to have an OT appointment soon.
- K continues to be a diva princess.
- And I continue to fall more in love with Craftymama every day.

Monday, July 23, 2012


My Sister writes: "I love my family. I don't always love what they do, or how they behave, or what they believe in, but I love them.

For once, something she wrote really resonating with me, and didn't feel like it was a personal attack on something I am doing. And maybe that's why I work so hard to make sure they; my mom, sisters, everyone, approve of me. I try to do the things that are needed, or required - and I always feel I come up short. But maybe I am not supposed to try to appease them. If they will love me no matter what, then why am I so afraid to be who I am?

My grandma's tea was this past weekend. There were so many people there. My grandma is a quiet proud person, and to see how many lives her life touched really moved me. People were talking about their memories and their fondness of her. I was in awe of her. I didn't know my grandma very well, and that saddens me, but what I did know made me realize that even the proudest most stubborn of people develop lifelong relationships with others. Relationships that will last through death. It is my hope to be that kind of person.

We also spent a night at the trailer, me and Craftymama and the kids that is, it was a lot of work, and I missed half the second day - but it was so much fun. That was a memory that I won't forget and I hope they remember it too. They adored sleeping in a tent, and staying up late. And all of them, even R fell asleep on the short drive home. Wiped out indeed.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Passion and Growth

Renovations are coming along swimmingly. The only thing really left to do upstairs is moldings around the door...oh and I guess get those closet doors moved back and the bedroom doors painted, and the floor painted....I'm aware that sounds like a lot, but really - in the grand scheme of things, that's so minor. We did light fixtures yesterday - rewiring is interesting. No idea how we would have done it if any one of us was on our own.

I finished my first waldorf book - and I'm stoked at having finished it. Parts of it resonate so well with me. And I love starting something new that I am interested in. I'm excited at the possibility of going to school and actually making a difference, and doing something I might actually love to do. Getting to be on my feet, working with kids in an imaginative playful environment. Hopefully it will happen, and if not, I will volunteer and fill my cup that way.

Craftymama has also followed her passion into old houses with a bunch of books about, well, different kinds of old houses I guess. The excitement in her voice and the genuine interest is so amazing, I hope she sticks with it and actually pursues it even when it becomes difficult. Which it will because getting the Masters is hard, logically and financially.

Kids are good. R lost his first tooth - OMG BIG. It was an amazing experience. I very rarely get to experience a true first with R. Most of the firsts come when they are babies (first steps, words, foods etc) but this one, this one is big. It is a step from young child to older child and I consider it a privilege that I was there for it. Now if only we could find the tooth in his bed. He lost it while sleeping....

Oh, and I am beginning to night wean LittleR. She has been day weaned for quite some time, but I am getting, or starting to get squeaked out by it at night. It's not too early, or too late - I feel it's the right time. LittleR seems to be doing okay with it, not a lot of screaming at night. But the littlest is getting big too, and soon I won't be nursing anymore - and that's a weird thought to think.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Family Days

Family days are fun and I wish I could participate in them more often - not that they happen often but if me and craftymama were home some of the time or at least more of the day time week time then they would. This past Sunday we took all 4 kids, and 2 dogs to the beach to play. It was so awesome to watch the kids just frolic in the water and throw the ball for the dogs who would enthusiastically chase it. What made it all the nicer was sharing it with the woman I love and getting to stop and kiss her every once in a while. I wonder if they feel like family days when its just craftymama taking the kids. Today they travelled all the way to Nanaimo, to the Departure Bay waterpark. I wonder how it felt. I wonder if it feels like any sort of family - like we felt before 'life' when we would take R and K to the waterpark. I wonder if she enjoyed it as much. I know it's work, I really do, and I appreciate how hard it must be, and I know I am lucky that my work doesn't have that kind of mental stress....but God, I miss it.

I'm also aware I haven't written about my grandma. She passed on Sunday in the early morning with her family around her. I don't want to say more because no words can convey what I feel and saying anything would be untrue.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

K, K, K

K has been SO WHINY lately. Sometimes, most of the time, she whines in a pitch that I swear only our dogs can understand; cause we certainly can't. It's been going out for a while. At first I thought it was a lack of routine, but then I realized they do have a routine during the day, and we do as well when glassman and I get home from work. Then I thought it was a lack of one on one time, so we tried to give her a little more of that, that just made her whinier. Then we tried some more discipline - separating her from the kids, taking away privelges etc - that didn't work either. We thought maybe she would like some time with extended family, so she went for sleepovers at Grandpa S, Nana J, and Auntie E - and that has made it worse still.

I don't know what to do with her, it's like nothing can go right for her - ever, no matter how much we try to find something.

Maybe this is just the kind of kid she is.

Monday, July 2, 2012

The June Babies

R turned 6 and it was a wonderful day of family. All of us in the morning opened a few presents and then we went to a local pottery studio where we each pade something for the kiln. The kids just liked playing in the mess. R kept making thing after things and after thing. It was so much fun, I love spending time as a family. Then we came back home we immersed outselves in family and love and had a quiet day. At about 4, people started arriving. He got a cool red metal retro wagon and I am in completel glee over it. The kids all love with it, which is a bonus. His cake was all little rectagulars with different flags on them. He is so into his atlaas lately. He had a great day -I think. I love how Roman's birthdays are always so full of love and family. It really is a special time.

Little R's birthday came and it was weird.It is also Craftymama's birthday. First for Craftynana I had had two idea the first was to do the side garden as a memorial like garden for D and J. I was going to collect sand and rocks from pipers, and put a water thing there. Make it a peaceful place far away from where she really wishes she could be. The other idea was to make a bird house in the shape of the bastion building but that was a logisitcal nightmare. Instead I got her tools and shoes. I can't wait to see them.

For LittleR, I didnt get her anything (much like I didn;t for R). It was a different kind of day. We all, minus Craftymama who deserves a good child free existence, went to chemainus lake. Where they played in the water, and dug in the sand. For dinner we had pizza, as for Little R's request. Her cake was this awesome awesomely executed rainbow cake. All was yummy - and all went to bed.

See my family more lately - hating my job a little less (I think)

Im really looking for some sort of giant snap to just set me on the right track so I know what work I need to do. Im okay with work - I need some direction,