Thursday, March 28, 2013


Sometimes I hate working. Don't get me wrong, I'm really enjoying the progress of my job lately, but it's so hard in the spring and summer months to come into work everyday.

The sun is out, it is warm and breezy and the kids are at a great big park today.

I so want to be with them, to be making memories and experiencing their every day life.

Instead, all I hope for is that Craftymama takes pictures so that I can vicariously live through them. I love seeing the joy on their faces through pictures while they play, love seeing what it is they are interested in.

There is a lot of stress that comes with being the main breadwinner of the family. I'm constantly worried about money, and hyper aware of how well I am doing at my job to ensure that I keep it. It is integral to my family that I keep this job - it pays all the bills.

I miss my family, I miss my kids, and while they are off playing at the park and enjoying their time, I stare at this all day:

Monday, March 25, 2013

The Start of Spring Break

Spring Break has officially started! We are a week behind public schools, and get two weeks off. We have no grand plans. Just some appointments, some seeing of family, and lots of time outside while the weather is beautiful. Craftymama has no idea what she is going to do to keep the kids entertained during the day - but she says that before every break from school, and then dreads when they go back. I have no doubt she will find something to do, and they all will have a great time! Sometimes, the quieter breaks with not lots of travelling are better. Our kids are so busy every weekend going back and forth from Nanaimo and then school during the week, that they will probably benefit from some quiet time as well. 

The boys are taking swimming lessons. T started out screaming at the sight of the water but now blows bubbles and puts his head in. R jumps into the water no problem and is thriving. Such a great opportunity for them! 

LittleR at the park with Glassman's hat - I forgot to pack hers. Actually she forgot to grab it from the van when she left, but I didn't double check. I lose some mom points. 

K's new favourite apparatus at the park. She loves sliding down these things, and trying to climb back up them. 

All 4 kids piled into the golf cart at Andrea's dad's trailer. We spent their first Sunday out there with them and had a nice hot dog and marshmellow roast. Our kids DO NOT like marshmallows. They clearly can not be related to Craftymama and myself.

I still haven't heard back about school. I know I made it through the first application process - that is I am qualified enough for the program. The second step is being approved by the faculty - that is what I am waiting for. Hopefully I'll know in 2-3 weeks. Eeeek!

My company, well not mine, but it is looking like we are going to be getting some huge investments from people in the USA. This would mean expansion into their market and the EU. This is great big news. I have been with the company since the beginning and to watch it grow like this is incredible. We are fine tuning our products to focus on Herbal Teas and Chocolates. Our brand name is Salvation Botanicals - so if you ever see us on your store shelves, be sure to give us a try - for me :)

Friday, March 22, 2013

My Blended Family

My family is blended. Craftymama brought R and M and I brought K and LittleR into the fold. The kids have been raised together since K was 7months old as that's when Craftymama and I began hanging out nearly every day. I have been the boys' second parent for going on 3 years now. I don't see the boys as being my step kids. I love them as equally as I do the girls. They are all my kids. There is no dividing line for me.

But I am beginning to recognize that there are dividing lines for other people, and the truth is - I don't know how to manage them. I can't force people to feel or act a certain way, I can only take what they give me - and the kids and attempt to work with it.

But where do I put my foot down on the division? What outright act isn't okay? Obviously, no one is being abusive to one set of kids but one set of kids is being ignored by one side of the family. Do we continue to allow the other set of kids to be around them and to interact with them even though those people ignore the other set of kids? Do we continue to allow gifts and presents for one set of kids when the others are forgotten? Is it fair to deprive one set of kids because their siblings, and they are siblings (blood means nothing in our house - trust me) because of the unfairness to the other?

It's such a hard balance. To keep both sets of families embracing all the kids, and keep the kids ignorant to the fact that they are treated differently than the others by those sets of families.

I just wish everyone could see the kids as equal - because they are. I don't expect everyone to be all lovey on either set of kids just because of the path I have chosen, but I dislike that it is clear that certain family members prefer one set of kids over the other. When that happens, no set of kids benefits, they both suffer.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Spring is Coming

So spring is upon us - almost. There are birds out, the kids go to bed when the sun is still in the sky (6:30-7:00), and the trees are beginning to blossom. With spring comes spring cleaning and boy do we need it!

When we moved into the house the old owners hadn't even moved all of their stuff out, and they hadn't cleaned a single thing. Our move was so chaotic that even still, these many months later, we are still trying to unpack and organize. There are baseboards to be washed, behind the oven to be cleaned, cobwebs to take down - as we seem to have a family of spiders who like to leave them no matter how many times we sweep the ceiling. Right now, the house is in disarray because we moved the dining room around to make it more functional and as a result we displaced our play area. This was right before the christmas influx of toys and things - so now all of those items clutter our dining room and office. Everything is waiting on this play room, which is waiting on the bedroom. No pressure Craftymama, I'll help where I can.

Spring also means cleaning of the yard. Toys to be picked up, random construction pieces to be put in the over flowing garage, and then grass to be mowed. Mowing the lawn is my job, and though, before I was a home owner, it was something I always thought I'd enjoy doing, I don't so much. It's not too bad but it would be a lot easier if our yard wasn't coolly over grown, and if it was an even shape instead of all over the place - I don't know how to make it look nice.

I've also been thinking more on negativity as this season of regrowth is upon us. I know, historically speaking, I haven't had the best relationship with my family. This is not my fault, or theirs completely. It is merely a symptom of our different life paths and our inability to see eye to eye about our differing choices. With this spring, this regrowth I have decided to open my heart and my mind to them and attempt to embrace them. This will be my last effort to do this, as I have gotten hurt so many times in the past. However, everyone starts off on even footing, there are no grudges, no hard feelings; just open acceptance and love. I will NOT put my family at risk of being berated or mislead, but I will allow myself the opportunity to get to know them as they truly are rather than holding them accountable for past mistakes. This will take time, and I hope my efforts are not misplaced.

I am also going back on the fitness band wagon. With my medication, my bad habits, and my mental break oh however long ago I have put on quite a bit of weight. I have been trying off and on to lose weight and get healthy but I kept making excuses. NO MORE EXCUSES. Yes, it may be more challenging for me because of the medication, and yes it will eat up my time in the evenings, but it's important. I don't like the way I look, I used to, but not anymore. I will change it.

This is a year for change, a year for cleaning out "the old cobwebs" so to speak, and a year of acceptance. I hope I can get my house in order, my life in order, my body in check, and my family on board with who I am and who I love.

Yay spring!

Monday, March 11, 2013

Reno Update

So our room upstairs is coming along. Soon we will have a playroom downstairs - and that in and of itself will be life changing. I wanted to give everyone some pictures to see the progress, even if no one cares/is reading I know one day I will like to look back on this and see how far we have come.

The new (old) door. Freshly painted. I love these paneled doors!

The room with the just installed bead board and wainscoting. 

The floor sander to sand the hardwood floor. Unfortunately, with another machine we ended up burning the floor (*sad face*) so now we have to paint it a dark brown-black. 

Painted wainscoting. The bed is going in this area. 

And a quick update on the kids. There was a chicken pox scare at the school, but none of our kids got it. We were invited to a pox party, and almost went, but certain circumstances made it impossible to go for us. We are hoping that they catch it at some point to get that natural immunity. R passed his grade 1 readiness test so he is ready to move on to grade 1 next year - yay! Also, T has been having some issues with his speech so he is seeing a speech therapist and we are using the Lidcombe program with him to help with his stutter and mispronunciation with words. Hopefully this all goes smoothly and he gets back on track. Also, K is going in for a hearing test; the health authority visited the kids' classes and she didn't register at a certain decibel level so they are just doing another one to make sure she is all right.  

Sleepy T

Sibling Love!

LittleR was proud of herself. This is "what takes bad guys to jail"

Craftymama and I have renewed our love of knitting together, and so now we spend our evenings knitting and watching Pretty Little Liars. Unfortunately, we are about to catch up to what is airing on TV (and we don't have cable so we watch it via 1Channel. We need a new show for when we catch up. We have already watched Lost and Prison Break (and omg they were awesome!). Any suggestions for shows we might like. Don't say 24 - it was awful!

Spring break starts in 2 weeks, so it will be nice for the kids to get a break from school, and Craftymama will get a break from making lunches ha ha ha. I, however, will still be working which means no break for me. I miss those breaks with the kids. Soon, with going back to School and working I am nervous about what time that will take away from the kids - I already don't see them as much as I want to. Or craftymama - I miss the time we used to have together (we used to spend all day together, or most of the day when I was working part time). There is so little time in the day.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Ch Ch Ch Changes

There are big changes coming to our family, and I am so excited and in shock about all of them!

However, I have been given the opportunity to go to school again by my job - and that's what I want to talk about today!

I currently work as a Bookkeeper and General Manager of my company, and to hone my skills and increase my value in the company they have offered to send me to University again to get my Masters Degree in Business Administration. That's right an MBA!

I am so in shock and grateful for this opportunity. Doing the program part time will allow me to continue to work to support our family. The only downside is I need foundation courses, which start this summer, and those are an 8-week intensive program. I am unsure what this means, but I doubt it means I will be able to work much, so I need to figure out how I am getting by during those 8 weeks of schooling.

I am so stoked at this opportunity to go back to school. Watching Craftymama and Glassman take courses online has refueled the desire in me to do some learning, I just never knew what I could do or what would be of value to me. An MBA is certainly of value - for a long time to come.

This news also comes bitterly. I really want to be a Waldorf teacher and work in that environment, and taking my MBA will mean signing a contract to stay here for as long as it takes me to finish school. Which means no Waldorf Education until after that time. It also means that Craftymama's school plans will be on hold as our house isn't ready for both parents to be taking advanced education at the same time. Getting my MBA though will mean more money for us, for her to eventually go to school, and for me to pay for waldorf training when I have the time. In the long run this could get me to a point where I am able to live my dream - even if I am 40 when it happens. Who says life stops at 40? (well, I do, because I am approaching 30 and that is just downright scary to me).

So there's some exciting news. I may be going to school again! The actual MBA program starts in the fall, that's not too long away at all. Now all I need to do is to be accepted into the I hope I am.

Monday, March 4, 2013


"Patience is a virtue" ... that I do not have - like at all.

I'm having a hard time with K lately. She is being so mean, so vindictive and so angry. I understand and I empathize that part of her anger comes from being 5 and part of it comes from Glassman leaving - she is a daddy's girl afterall. But there is no excuse for the way she has been behaving lately. I try to have patience.

I'm also trying to connect with her where I can but I am finding that downright impossible too. How can I connect with someone who is so different than myself. She needs constant reassurance that she is loved, and when she is angry she declares that I don't love her anymore. She needs constant attention, and constant praise - it's exhausting.

R never went through a stage like this, not even when Cableman left. I am aware that all kids are different and go through different things, but I was hoping R would prepare us a bit for the other kids - and he hasn't - at all. Instead I find myself in the dark about both how to parent her and how to connect with her.

She is my daughter, I should be able to find some, not common ground as we are too different, but any ground where we can stand together and relate. Maybe then she wouldn't need so much verbal reassurance of my love for her. Maybe she feels the disconnect between us as well.

I have no idea how to fix this, and no idea how to get more patience with her.