My family is blended. Craftymama brought R and M and I brought K and LittleR into the fold. The kids have been raised together since K was 7months old as that's when Craftymama and I began hanging out nearly every day. I have been the boys' second parent for going on 3 years now. I don't see the boys as being my step kids. I love them as equally as I do the girls. They are all my kids. There is no dividing line for me.
But I am beginning to recognize that there are dividing lines for other people, and the truth is - I don't know how to manage them. I can't force people to feel or act a certain way, I can only take what they give me - and the kids and attempt to work with it.
But where do I put my foot down on the division? What outright act isn't okay? Obviously, no one is being abusive to one set of kids but one set of kids is being ignored by one side of the family. Do we continue to allow the other set of kids to be around them and to interact with them even though those people ignore the other set of kids? Do we continue to allow gifts and presents for one set of kids when the others are forgotten? Is it fair to deprive one set of kids because their siblings, and they are siblings (blood means nothing in our house - trust me) because of the unfairness to the other?
It's such a hard balance. To keep both sets of families embracing all the kids, and keep the kids ignorant to the fact that they are treated differently than the others by those sets of families.
I just wish everyone could see the kids as equal - because they are. I don't expect everyone to be all lovey on either set of kids just because of the path I have chosen, but I dislike that it is clear that certain family members prefer one set of kids over the other. When that happens, no set of kids benefits, they both suffer.
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