Saturday, September 29, 2012


So with my weight still being an issue - a big issue - we decided it was finally time to hire some outside help. I have tried everything I can think of over the past 9 months to lose weight and all I have done is gained. So, hire a trainer I did.

I had my first session with her yesterday at 5:30 in the morning. Holy early batman. It was hard but it was good. She pushed me harder than I've worked before and I really saw what I was capable of. It has motivated me to continue to work that hard and hopefully see some results.

I'll be honest though, I am a little ashamed to be seeing a trainer. After all, she is just making me exercise; couldn't I do that on my own? Shouldn't I be able to do this without outside help? This fact is tormenting me nearly daily.

I meet with her again next Friday at 5:30 again. Hopefully I have just as much fun the second time as I did the first.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

6 years

Btw - craftymama painted the yellow room. lol. So much for one thing at a time. She wants to paint the dining room now.

 Michaelmas is coming at the school and marks the first festival of the year. Their will be talk of bravery, of courage, of standing up for others. There will also be plenty of apples. I love the festivals at the kids' school - they are celebrated with mind, body, and spirit and thus create a whole energy around one central theme. Its amazing to watch the kids come alive with excitement over these days, and to experience it with them.

 I also attended a parent evening on the 6 yr change. To be honest I knew most of it. But in case I forget one day....

 The 6year old change is also known as the first puberty. It is when a child undergoes their first transformation. The ethereal life force is beginning to supersede the physical and the individual is truly being born. Just as the mother can tell naturally when her child stirs or instinctively what her child needs so to does the child possess this innate knowledge and does not lose it until undergoing the 6 year change. Physical signs that this change is occurring is the losing of teeth, the loss of baby fat, the inability to sit still, fascination with people older themselves, joint and muscle pains, mild fevers (that are actually growth spurts), and changes in their drawings; which I'll get to in a moments.

 Changes you might not notice are the stomach pains a child may experience when sitting still, the sudden knowledge that they are separate from the world and thus begin to compare themselves to others. With that comes the realization of what others can potentially think of them. They also begin to internally, and externally, question authority and desire to be the boss themselves.

 As mentioned, their drawings change as well. Instead of random pictures of people or things - the ideas become more concrete and each image has a meaning. The drawing of grids or series' of windows often symbolizes the loss of teeth or the stretching of the abdominal muscles. Smoke in a fireplace - with the absense of seeing inside the house to see the fire, symbolizes internal feelings that cannot be explained but are billowing out. Seeing inside of a house instead of just the outside shows a child who is very internal and sees things in exact detail where seeing the outside of a house shows a child who is external, extroverted if you will, and sees the world in a bigger way. There are so many ways to interpret their drawings.

 Also, children begin to question and want to know more about where they came from. Not in a sperm/egg sort of way - but in a higher power sort of way. This provides a great opportunity to talk about angels, and your spiritual beliefs. Even if you are an atheist the child needs to be reassured that they came from somewhere and be left to make their own spiritual decisions.

 So many changes at 6 years.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Jump Around

We jump around from project to project don't we?

The boy's floor is almost done, the airlock chamber is almost done, and then craftymama got excited about the yellow room (this little non room off the kitchen) and we have bought a desk for it, refurbished a chair for the desk, and found a comfy chair to sit in in the corner. Craftymama now feels the urge to paint the room. One thing at a time!

But that's not the way we do things...ha ha ha

M is all but potty trained during the day now! Which makes taking him to school less nerve wracking now. It's a relief to not have to go through so many pairs of pants. I would say I'm proud of him, and I am to an extent, but he was potty trained before and then just stopped. So I guess I more expect him to be there now. I am happy for him, elated, but idk - I found myself getting quite frustrated near the end.

Just like I'm frustrated with LittleR going into Glassman's room every night. She does it from the nights I wasn't there and she was just told to go see daddy. Now it's a nightly thing, and because he doesn't wake up, she gets to sleep there all night. I suppose it's not a bad thing - it's just frustrating.

My motivation at work is still really low. It's like I need some sort of boost. I'm hoping when this guy Mark comes over to take over a lot of the marketing that I will focus more on the day to day stuff and won't be stressing over marketing like I am now. Maybe then, without the stress, I'll be able to focus and concentrate more as I will have an actual job description and what not. Here's hoping anyways.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

C et al.

K turned 5! When did she get so big. We got her a bike and she rides it like a pro. Her birthday was celebrated quietly with family and GrandpaS in attendance. She loved it, and of course loved the attention.

Craftymama has picked up a few random projects. There is the airlock chamber which is now just waiting for a floor which is waiting for us to roll all those pennies so we have money for said floor. She has also taken up the outside deck and prettied it up by getting an adirondack chair and table. It looks cute and so much bigger out there now. And with the shoes in the hole (what we call the old cold storage area in the back of the house off the kitchen) things are much more organized. I'm not sure what her next random project will be but I'm pretty sure it will be the yellow room. She has already bought a desk and wants to use it to study. So we shall see where her motivation takes her.

BTW, do you know how hard it is to find a front door. Sheesh they are so expensive!

I'm doing well I think. I'm looking to get the waldorf required reading texts and hoping to continue on with them. I'm worried this is never going to happen for me, which would be crushing. I want a career so bad. I want *this* career so bad. I feel like it's a perfect match for me and I would excel at it. But with cost and time and other things it just seem like an impossibility. I am supporting Craftymama with her school, as it is vitally important to her, and I hope hope hope we continue to make this happen for her. I must ensure that it does.

I'm lacking motivation at work again. I can't seem to make myself care. My boss was telling me about a raise - but I don't think I deserve it at all.

Speaking of work, I have already missed so many things at the kids's school. I hate that. I want to be the involved mom, socializing and gossiping with other moms. I make their lunches which I like - at least this far, and I made K's birthday snack. I'm being as involved as I can be.

I've also started sewing for Bamboletta Dolls - the same company that Craftymama works for. It's exciting and very nerve wracking. I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect like she is - but logically I know I won't and can't be. I'm just sewing my first doll and its so rough. But it'll be some extra money which is always nice, and it will hopefully give me something to do in the evenings. Though I really miss having the motivation to knit. What's happened to all my drive and desire. I feel so baseline lately and I dislike it.

My running also goes well. I ran 5k finally! Granted it was in 41.5 minutes - but the point is I did it. I ran and I floated off the ground and used proper form that Craftymama advised me on - and it felt good. I felt like I could have kept going forever. I'm now nervous to run again (tonight). Why do I put so much pressure on myself?

Lastly, I welcomed my nephew C into the world on September 6th. It was an amazing experience being her 'birth partner' and helping her through everything. It was reliving to see how much I cared for and about her. C is absolutely perfect and such a great little baby - granted he is still small and curled up so he will stop his tons of sleeping that he is currently doing, I really enjoy going to visit them on my lunch breaks.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Renoing our lives

The boys' room has had its floor removed and half painted! Yay, we really need to find some matching beds for them now. We are looking for some vintagy ones we can paint to match their room kind of like we did with K's.

Also, Craftymama built a bench (with power tools cause she's a Boss with them now), in the airlock chamber (what we call the front room). It looks great. It's set back in what used to be a closet and there is this cool beaming on the walls behind (I'm sure there is a word for it, but heck if I know what it is). Our house really is making progress.

But in all this progress there is a lot of mess. Our garage is full of construction debris. Got Junk is coming on Thursday to give us a quote and if it's a good one we will be dealing with it right then. I'm hopeful the quote isn't too high.

Kids started school today, or two of them did. K starts tomorrow. It's crazy not to be involved and not to be there. It still makes me upset and feel like a bad mom for not being there with all of them to guide them through this process. I still hate not being at home, and miss it terribly. I don't hate my work (though I heartily dislike it at times), I would much prefer to be at home. I can't help but thing though that there is no way I could do it like Craftymama does. She is amazing. She manages to work, go to school, and take wonderful care of our kids and herself. I am envious of her. But I also know she is envious of me for other reasons.

Craftymama and I have the most exciting news to share - but we can't yet.