C et al.

K turned 5! When did she get so big. We got her a bike and she rides it like a pro. Her birthday was celebrated quietly with family and GrandpaS in attendance. She loved it, and of course loved the attention.

Craftymama has picked up a few random projects. There is the airlock chamber which is now just waiting for a floor which is waiting for us to roll all those pennies so we have money for said floor. She has also taken up the outside deck and prettied it up by getting an adirondack chair and table. It looks cute and so much bigger out there now. And with the shoes in the hole (what we call the old cold storage area in the back of the house off the kitchen) things are much more organized. I'm not sure what her next random project will be but I'm pretty sure it will be the yellow room. She has already bought a desk and wants to use it to study. So we shall see where her motivation takes her.

BTW, do you know how hard it is to find a front door. Sheesh they are so expensive!

I'm doing well I think. I'm looking to get the waldorf required reading texts and hoping to continue on with them. I'm worried this is never going to happen for me, which would be crushing. I want a career so bad. I want *this* career so bad. I feel like it's a perfect match for me and I would excel at it. But with cost and time and other things it just seem like an impossibility. I am supporting Craftymama with her school, as it is vitally important to her, and I hope hope hope we continue to make this happen for her. I must ensure that it does.

I'm lacking motivation at work again. I can't seem to make myself care. My boss was telling me about a raise - but I don't think I deserve it at all.

Speaking of work, I have already missed so many things at the kids's school. I hate that. I want to be the involved mom, socializing and gossiping with other moms. I make their lunches which I like - at least this far, and I made K's birthday snack. I'm being as involved as I can be.

I've also started sewing for Bamboletta Dolls - the same company that Craftymama works for. It's exciting and very nerve wracking. I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect like she is - but logically I know I won't and can't be. I'm just sewing my first doll and its so rough. But it'll be some extra money which is always nice, and it will hopefully give me something to do in the evenings. Though I really miss having the motivation to knit. What's happened to all my drive and desire. I feel so baseline lately and I dislike it.

My running also goes well. I ran 5k finally! Granted it was in 41.5 minutes - but the point is I did it. I ran and I floated off the ground and used proper form that Craftymama advised me on - and it felt good. I felt like I could have kept going forever. I'm now nervous to run again (tonight). Why do I put so much pressure on myself?

Lastly, I welcomed my nephew C into the world on September 6th. It was an amazing experience being her 'birth partner' and helping her through everything. It was reliving to see how much I cared for and about her. C is absolutely perfect and such a great little baby - granted he is still small and curled up so he will stop his tons of sleeping that he is currently doing, I really enjoy going to visit them on my lunch breaks.