Pseudo Dad

The pseudo dad...thats what I am called at my work. To some extend - I fit that role better. I told Craftymama about this and we got into a discussion about labels. I am a working mom - there is a difference between that and being a dad; even though some of the emotions/problems or whatever are the same.

People so easily want to put others into a mold, something that they are more comfortable with; just so they can feign understanding. I dont fit the dad role, in the typical sense; nor do I fit the mom one either. My position is hard. I am reminded frequently of how difficult it is.

But I then realized that at no time in my life have I ever really fit a typical label. I never was a typical high schooler - I didnt have a lot of friends. I wasn't the typical type of student that went to my all girl's private school. I didn't fit the typical university life. Etc etc etc..when it comes to my social interactions or my relationships I have never been typical, never been normal, never fit in with one group or another. And maybe, maybe, that's my struggle. I yearn to belong somewhere. To have a group of people that I fit in with.

Its not that i want to be normal..I like standing out. But in standing out..I feel like I am always looking in to the places I long to be. I long to fit in with the guys at work, I long to be as care free as them. I long to fit in as a stay at home mom. I yearn to fit in with the parents at the kids school and talk about pregnancy and argue about warmth. I so want to feel like I fit in with adults buying their first homes..but I dont. I am all of those things and I am none of them.