Friday, August 18, 2017

Levelling up in adulting

The kids are older now, so they have bigger problem (don't worry I know they will continue to grow).  Mostly gone are the days where a hug and distraction and a little love (maybe a cracker too) could solve what befalls them. 

We live in a community where there are other kids. We know of these kids, maybe have seen them, but we aren't the type of parents or people to always go to the park across the street with them, or introduce ourselves to every parent. Maybe we should be...

Just this week two incidents have happened that we have to take action on, and I honestly don't feel that I am adult enough to handle it. I mean, I will because that's my job, but I am again back to the days when I had a newborn and I felt like I was making it up as I went along. 

There is a boy in the neighbourhood, it has been sad he is between the ages of 18-25, a recent report on the community Facebook group says 22. K has taken a liking to him and was hanging around him. I don't necessarily have problems with my kids having friends of different ages - I don't automatically assume that people are out to get my kids. But the frequency in which this boy seemed to seek out my kids, especially K, made us uncomfortable. So we told her not to hang out with him anymore, talked about being safe etc. That was a few months ago, and we never heard about him again. So this week, in that community group, someone posts about him and how he seems to be exhibiting grooming behaviours with the kids: having them pretend to be him, and videotaping them, and hanging upside down while wearing dresses etc. There was an incident where the neighbours confronted him and the police were called. The individual has been talked to by the rcmp, and has a file open. After learning this, we talked to our kids and found out that the videotaping etc was with them, and they were there when the police were called. They didn't tell us this. We need to find a way to get them to listen to their inner voice when something isn't safe. I don't want them to fear people, but I need them to be safe. 

Then, there is this other group of boys who live close by who have been bullying my kids. I say bullying, but really, until recently, it was all pretty harmless. We told that these boys would call names at my kids, and I know my kids call other kids names - I heard them. So I just let it go as like kid politics that they needed to learn how to work out on their own. Well, I guess these boys were making Finn of my kids and another child, and either (depending on who you ask), they were taunting BigR that he was weak, and goading him into punching them, or they pushed first. Either way, BigR punched one of the kids and gave him a bloody nose. Like - my kid has given someone a bloody nose, I've never even done that to a person. We enforced with BigR that we weren't mad at him - we aren't. But we do need to address this issue: especially since the likelihood is that this boy will be in BigR's class at school. 

Then on top of all of that, K has been having severe anger management issues. Hurting others physically and emotionally, threatening to hurt herself - she basically goes psychotic when angry. And we were out of tools to help her, while maintaining our own well being and sanity. So we found a counsellor and she goes there once a week. 

Like my kids are dealing with some shit, these are big life lesson issues we are starting to deal with. How we, as parents, handle them will definitely impact how they view themselves and the world as they continue to develop. I don't feel prepared for this. I don't feel capable. It's a lot of pressure. I feel like we are entering new territory now - and are fumbling. I miss the days where nursing fixed everything, and I didn't have to worry so much about outside influences. 

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