Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Introspection

Halloween came and Halloween went. The kids dressed up in hand me down handmade costumes and all was fine and good.

It was weird trick or treating. Last year when the 8 of us went: me, craftymama, glassman, cableman, R, K, M, and LittleR we travelled around to the grandparents house and showed them off. The year before that life had exploded but we had our first holiday together - we walked a cool street close to our house. This year, we walked that cool street again. It was like venturing back in time. I kept having flashbacks outside houses of what happened two years ago.

In front of one house I had had to hold back tears as glassman and craftymama brought the kids up to the door together - I kept thinking about the energy that must be between them as they were alone for those brief moments and how I so longed for that with Craftymama myself.

In front of another house I remember going up with Cableman with the kids and realizing how awkward we were around each other and wondering if that would ever stop.

And in front of another house I remembered almost passing out because I really was that sick. I ended up having swine flu and literally thought I was going to die. Its quite funny now - but it was serious business then.

Two years later craftymama and I have a spark between us, a comfortable permanent spark. Glassman and I will always have that history that something that makes us connect - that will never go away. I miss the deeper spark at times, but the little spark is confusing. And cableman and I are still awkward around each other.

Two years.

Little has changed. Everything is different.

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