Two Years

Two years ago tonight Craftymama had a moment that changed both of our lives forever. I had been knitting my mishka (my mother) her Christmas Slippers, and then was balling the most epic ball of yarn ever; it was the size of my head. Craftymama and Glassman were msn'ing. It was a hard time for me. We had just begun our triad/quad. I had had craftymama all to myself for the better part of two years. WE talked on msn every night. Now all of a sudden I had to share that msn time with her.

On top of that I was madly in love with her. My envy of of Glassman's getting to be with here was getting overwhelming. They wanted me to fake it with Cableman, to see if it could work. No one knew how I felt about Craftymama. Each stitch, each purl my level of upset grew. My spirit was breaking. I loved her so much - more than I ever should have at that time. She had told me on a number of (drunken) occasions that she didn't like women in that sense. I had no right feeling like I did.

They finished talking and Glassman asked if I wanted to talk to her. I sat for a minute deciding what I should do. I started that conversation with the outright intent of telling Craftymama that I could support her relationship with Glassman 100% but I couldn't be her friend anymore. I couldn't be that close with her, know about her relationship with Glassman and still be okay with being friends with her. I told her I was devastated at losing her as a friend - but that it had to be done.

It was then, on her end, that something clicked. I cant describe it (though I would encourage Craftymama to write a guest post here about this). She said she loved me, and couldn't stand losing me. Within 2 minutes of this revelation we were going for a walk.

I will never forget seeing her across the intersection and how nervous I was. I wondered if I looked okay, if I would cry, or if I would hold her hand. I didn't do any of those things. I don't think we talked about much. I think we just needed that time for the knowledge of our love for each other to just exist between us. To feel it connect for the first time. It was magic.

The night of November 16th changed everything. I have often wondered what would have happened if I didn't push Craftymama to realize how she felt. I wonder where would we all be. Would I still be with Glassman and would we have another baby? Would she still be with Cableman and would she have had another baby? Would we have been pregnant together? Would our kids be going to a waldorf school still?

So many what ifs. And yet - it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter because I am with her. She has been with me for the last two years and her support has never waivered. She loves me unconditionally and makes me feel beautiful. She challenges me. She is the single most perfect woman in the world for me - and every day I wonder how I got so lucky. I love her with every piece of myself. She is funny, and kind, and nurturing, and creative, and sexy and a thousand other adjectives.

I could talk forever about her.

Point is - Its been two years now since we became an official couple. November 16th 2009 is one of the most pivotal and important days of my life.