Pseudo Dad - Redux

So..There is another girl who works in my warehouse now. We shall call her Stonerchic. Stonerchic drives a minivan, has two kids (I think...she has at least one). She drops her kids off at care during the day. She is kinda of hippie, likes to get stoned, and is way beyond super organized. I don't like or dislike her. She is a woman, so I am naturally distrusting. However, the point is there is another mom working here. I asked my coworker, we will call him gingerkid, as opposed to my boss who shall be called EgoScientist. Gingerkid is the one who called me a pseudo dad not too long ago. I asked him if Stonerchic was a pseudo dad as well.

He says: No

Apparently the mere act of working and not taking care of your kids during the day does not make you more a mom than a dad - which is what I thought it meant. He says I am just as much of a mom as stonerchic - *cue inner excitement at not losing my mom status*. I ask what makes me a pseudo dad.

He tells me its because of Craftymama, because of our relationship. Stonerchic is I believe I single mom, but she is no where near a pseudo dad - because she is the mom - there is no other mom.

Now, the rest of this I am inferring. So in his little ginger head, gingerkid believes that homes have moms and dads - and that's that. To be honest - I think its about 60% now have moms and dads - most are divorced, some are same sexed. But that fact that's its historical and still the majority means that anything that falls outside that standardized norm, must somehow be made to fit. So..since the majority of families have a mom and dad who are together...how does my family fit into that. Its easy in our case. Craftymama stays home - I go to work.

It wouldn't matter how many sweaters I knit, or how many meals I slave over, or how many stories I read - to the eyes of most people in society the simple fact that I go to work to support my family makes me the dad. I feel like a failure even with that label because I don't make enough to support our family, we do rely on the men.

So at least now I know its not just because I work that I'm the pseudo dad - its because there is the stay at home parent. Apparently, homes have a mom and a dad and that's it.

I want my kids to grow up believing that families can have many styles and there isn't one normal, one standard. I don't want M one day to tell his coworker that she's a pseudo dad.

Labels hurt - and I didn't really realize it until lately.