Relationship SNAFU

For the first time since starting this blog - a whopping 2 or so weeks ago, our triad has had its first moments of tension.

It's not like it was new tension - but it was scary all the same. How it started was Glassman crossed a line with me. He has a habit of going too far with his playful banter to the point of actually hurting me. He did it again, and a conversation ensued.

The three of us are quite good communicators. We dont yell or raise our voices, we encourage eachother to talk, and we are generally very supportive of one another during the process.

I was, honestly, frustrated. I felt like I had been having this same conversation for 7 years. I was and still slightly am tired of trying, tired of always having to take the mature route so that Glassman can learn something, or have an easier time of it. I know, I know - in relationships it isn't always fair. "Work" isn't split 50/50. If I want the relationship to work then I have to keep trying even if I was the one who tried last time, and the time before that, and the time before that.

I think Im allowed my immature moments. Im allowed to screw up - but it seems when I do I pay the price for it, and end up having to work ridiculously hard to make up for it. When Glassman screws up, Im expected to understand that he is trying and making an effort (which I do - I think).

Anyways, so we had our conversation, I was still quite upset - especially when Glassman chose not acknowledge something when I opened up to him about it, and I went to bed crying. Craftymama recognized this and did her best to console me.

The next day we all played like nothing was wrong, as we usually do - and that was that.

I am going to attempt to put into play some of the ideas Craftymama had:
- Saying in a serious tone, not smiling or laughing, when Glassman is nearing my line.
- When I'm saying something that would potentially irritate him I will phrase it as, "I feel..." basically dumb it down completely, so it helps with my tone of voice.
- Let things roll off my back more
- Be more compassionate with Glassman as I am with Craftymama.

Of course, Glassman has stuff he is supposed to do as well, but this is my post - so I can only focus on how I am going to get better.

Am I worried for our relationship? A little. I feel I have come to some realizations this past 2-3 weeks, that have put me on shaky ground.

Ive realized that even though I thought I was guilty of playing the comparing game, I'm not. Its more a point of reference game. I had previously thought that it wasn't in Glassman's nature to be physically affectionate, or more personable - but it seems it is. It seems to come quite naturally for him. It makes me wonder why he has never shown that aspect of his personality with me, even when I have asked for it.

I've also been thinking about the idea of opening up our casual relationship. I wouldn't want to bring another person into our triad. But I wouldn't mind, in fact, I think I would welcome the ability to feel free to have casual, yet meaningful, encounters with others. I dislike that I am currently forbade from doing so, as it would result in relationship breakdown.

I've also been toying with the idea of what makes a 'good' or 'successful' poly person. What traits do they need? What tools do they posess?

Do I make a good poly person?
Does Craftymama?
Does Glassman?

These are all questions I am searching for answers to...