Well really, no one reads this blog - My hope is that one day in 20+ years or so from now when all the kids are older there will be some way to access this now ancient technology to read all these stories of their parents, siblings, and our adventures. Yes, there will be gaps where I didn't write, but something is better than nothing. Because it's been a while, I'm going to do this in point form again with all the updates as it's been since the end of August.
- All the kids are in school.
- BigR has taken to it amazingly - he is the popular kid and so insanely cool to talk to. He has all these neat beliefs about life. He honestly does not care what people think of him and has friends in every grade. He can also be very exhausting for Me, because he has increasing maturity, but still the processes of a child.
- K was in therapy, which I wrote about before. It helped, kind of, maybe. I don't know. She is house boss in training - bestowed upon her by craftymama. She does really enjoy cleaning and asks for chores - and then when she is feeling cranky, she tells us we always make her do chores.
- M is still sensitive. He had a harder time losing the connection to PolyK (more on that later). He is very attached to cableman still, and it breaks my heart sometimes. He is also always bored. He had trouble adjusting to school but has made a great best friend and I am so so happy for him.
- LiltteR may not be the weirdest kid in her class, apparently that's another girl. Still obsesses with unicorns. She also has glasses. She is very 8 right now, and she is asking a lot of bigger life questions that catch me off guard as I usually expect her head to be full of sparkles and rainbows.
- J hated his first school, we put him in a second more reggio/waldorf inspired school and it has been amazing for him. He is very attached to craftymama, still. Though he isn't nursing anymore, and now puts himself to sleep. He also zips his own jacket. All My children can zip their own jackets now...that's a weird transition. I no longer dress children.
- The 4 big kids are going to summer camp at the end of summer. Camp Narnia. I am so excited for them.
- I did achieve My goal of doing more things as a family - we go to airhouse, have done 4cats classes, we go outside hiking more, we are planning on going camping in a tent this summer, and maybe Mexico at Christmas to visit craftymama's mom and dad.
- We all still live together.
- craftymama and I got back together officially in November. I finally just asked her if we could stop pretending we weren't together and just say it. She did end things with PolyK - the final straw was when they went out for dinner.
- Being with craftymama has been nothing short of amazing. We often ask each other if other people feel like we do. I honestly feel like I know her on some sort of other level. As I have said oh so many times - she is My person. Our relationship is most certainly different than the last go around. It is much healthier (yay personal growth and therapy lol), and more loving, and more suited to who we are as people. I cannot spend enough time with her. We are that disgusting couple people hate. I will probably have an entire entry where I talk about her - it's coming.
- craftymama, when things firmly ended with PolyK, entered a depression. This resulted in medication, therapy, and a lot of personal work on her part. I learned through talking with her, and attending therapy with her how abusive PolyK was, and a lot of things that happened. she has had a lot of trauma to go through, and I am nothing but proud of her for not avoiding this and doing the hard things. her experiences with PolyK have definitely affected how I relate to her and our relationship (more on that later too maybe).
- I broke up with SS in January, and also stopped seeing FWB. I have had questions from friends as to whether this was because of Craftymama. It wasn't. SS is an amazing person and I love engaging with him intellectually. He wasn't, however, very good at all with emotions. Which I knew when I first started talking to him. He did not show any desire to change or learn or anything. He is content with who he is and does not feel he should have any considerations of other people. I am a very emotional person, and I needed something who at least wanted to try. FWB and I were great, we both knew what we wanted and what we were to each other. But, idk...I guess it was My relationship with craftymama but I was realizing things about Myself and it wasn't working with him in the same way anymore. What I wanted changed I guess.
- craftymama became a doula last year and had her own practice, West Coast Doula, she was going to partner with the Wellness Clinic, but through a series of events she ended up meeting two other women and the three of them formed a partnership company called Harbour City Doulas. They officially opened in February have done so amazingly - apparently this is something Nanaimo really needed. They have partnered with the biggest Midwife Clinic in the city, as well as doing Parks and Rec classes, specialized classes with other businesses, developed a working relationship with local Aboriginal organizations - it's honestly incredible and I hope they realize how incredible this is. she loves what she does, and I love watching her do it. It's hard having her on call. she is on call or working all the time. Partially because of the nature of her career, and partially because it's her own business so there is behind the scenes stuff. I get huffy sometimes because we can't really plan things all that well, or when she is on call we can't go anywhere, ad she has been called away in the middle of things. I am definitely supportive, but I think it's also normal to have some frustrations sometimes, and not even with her, but just with the situation.
- craftymama and I have been hiking a lot. We have some big hikes we want to do so are kind of practicing for them. I can't believe how much I love it and I keep kicking Myself for not doing it before.
- We have been giving a lot of thought to what we want our lives to look like. Our kids are older now, so we have more freedom than we used to. Plus neither of us want our stories to be stories of being parents. We want to do more, experience more, and enjoy life. We want to convert a bus and then live in it when the kids are gone.
- I have also been giving a lot of thought to My life. I have been having a hard time with society lately and how we live, and the things we do and how we think. I have realized that My enjoyment of arguing is not because I like to argue, but because I like to learn the other side to understand it. I LOVE understanding people. I love making them feel things, especially uncomfortable things. I have felt really different from most people - and craftymama has commented something similar as well. I have been thinking about what kind of life I want to lead, and I don't want to be working all the time, and stuck at a job that doesn't fulfill Me or leave Me enough time with My family or to do the things I want to do on a day to day or even week to week basis. I want to start living life instead of just managing it.
- To that end, I quit My job yesterday. My full time stable job. I mean the environment was not what I wanted anymore, and there had been some issues. But still, it wasn't that bad at all. It was quite good. My best friends, My very very best friends are also there and without them I wouldn't have stayed as long. But, I don't want to commute an hour each way and work 8 hours 5 days per week. That's not the life I want. So I quit. I handed in My resignation, cried, hugged My boss, took a plant and went home. I cried lots. Grieving, craftymama says. Because of My friends, and how I was losing such a big part of My life.
- Today, My first day of freedom I guess I felt very lost and without direction. I had nothing I had to do. I kind of just floated this morning. I want to create a list of things I want to do and do those.
- I am looking for another job. I will work anywhere part time, but if it's full time - it can't be soul sucking.
- It's a time of change and transition. I am excited and scared and sad and so many things. But...I think My adventure starts here.
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