Tuesday, January 29, 2013

All the things

The stomach flu hit us hard! First I got it, mildly, then the kids got it, then I got it again severely with Craftymama getting it as well. It was a week long puking fest - but luckily we seem to be on the mend now.

The drywall is completely done in our bedroom, and soon I won't be allowed in there. Craftymama wants to surprise me with a completely finished room. I hate surprises, but this one should be a good one. The platform bed needs to be built, the walls need to be painted, trim needs to go up, the floors need to be painted - so much to do! I want to be able to help her, but we all know how handy I am not.

We also want to paint the living room - for this she wants my help. I suck at taping and there is so much to tape in there, and goodness forgive me if I get paint on the original trim around everything. I'm hoping she tapes most of it, and then I can prime it. She is also going to show me how to prime properly, with patience, so that I don't have to do eight thousand coats. I am stingy when it comes to paint - it's cause I don't like to waste it and don't like to spill or splatter on anything - both of which I am known for.

The mud room, also known as the hole, is almost done as well. Shelves and bench have been built, the door has been painted, the walls are painted - to be honest I am not sure what's left other than trim. It seems every room in our house needs trim though - it is the finishing touch I suppose.

The kids are doing great in school. LittleR loves kindercottage and has transitioned beautifully to it. She is still getting used to playing with the other friends, but there have been no tears or complaints about going. R is gearing up for his class 1 readiness testing. In kindergarten they do a class 1 readiness test in which they look at the children's motor skills, drawings, and personality and decide if they are ready to move on past kindergarten. Now R is 6 so technically, in public school, he could be in grade 1 now, and would definitely be ready for grade 1 next year. However, I have some concerns about him. He lack certain coordination when it comes to skipping, which they look for. His drawings aren't quite at the level they want them to be at, and he still sometimes holds his crayons with a closed fist. I don't want to hold him back, but I want to do what's right for him, and if they determine he is not ready then Craftymama and I have some talking to do.

Craftymama and I have had some parenting discussions as of late. I have been stern, more stern than I need to be, with the kids, and not present with them when I am with them. I am not making excuses at all, but I know part of it has to do with the current depression I am battling. I am cycling through a down phase right now, and hoping it ends soon so I can get back to my normal self. I need to have opinions and actually care about things. I need to be present with my kids so as to create good memories with them, and most of all I need to find myself among all of this.

Work goes decently. I have been trying to have renewed motivation to complete my job and the tasks at hand, and slowly but surely they are getting done. I am getting some help tomorrow to help guide me in the right direction so I can start 2013 off on the right foot. My car is wonderful to have and I am thankful everyday for my boss who bought it for the company, but really bought it for me to use to get to and from work. The only downside is a side effect from my medication is extreme fatigue/exhaustion/drowsiness and I am certainly suffering from those. It makes driving and functioning at both work and home near impossible at times. I have a call into my doctor to help remedy this but for now I am living on whatever caffeine pills I can get my hands on, even though their effectiveness is waning.

C and my sister N are doing splendidly. She has hit a bit of a snag in her own mental health but is getting back on track. I love little miniC so much. It is so awesome to be able to see him grow and to know him in that way. I was super close, or at least I felt close to my sister E's oldest child who we will call BigM. I felt our relationship was special and she helped me through a lot of things. Though we aren't close now, due to distance, circumstance, and strained relationships, she will always hold a special place in my heart. It seems C and I are building that same relationship, I only hope we are not separated like BigM and I were.

Lastly, I want to touch on my weight. I have been running every other day, and I was working with a trainer but I simply cannot shed the extra weight I am carrying. I know that another side effect of my meds is weight gain and retention but there must be a way to combat that. I could probably due a workout on my off running days but then when would I have time to spend with Craftymama, and where would I find the energy when I am already exhausted from the day and my medication. It is frustrating to have been working hard for over a year with only weight gain instead of weight loss. I want to get down to where I was before my bipolar hit me hard - it's just feeling impossible lately.

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