Craftymama and I had a conversation the other day about how I view her parenting of K and LittleR. I guess I am protective. Further, I have always compared her love for the boys to my love for the girls. Hers is so deep and unconditional...me..I don't get as excited about pictures and random flowers. I don't have that same pull or whatever to my bio kids as she does. As a result, I always thought and felt that she was harder on the girls and that she obviously favoured them. I never thought for even a second that she didn't love the girls, I knew she did, but I questioned whether she showed it enough for them to know it.
Since that conversation I have been forcing myself to look at not the differences between how she parents the kids but instead just focus on how she shows her love for the girls. I have been amazed at the things I was missing. I was caught off guard by the little things I hadn't seen before. How when LittleR went for a sleepover as soon as Craftymama saw her she demanded a hug and picked her right up.
I am elated to see these relationships developing, and even more elated that I have opened my mind and heart up to that possibility. It's so awesome that these kids have so many parents who can express their love in a variety of ways. I think what we all have to be careful of though is each of their insecurities. I know I have to be extra careful with R to sit down with him, on his level, and look him in the eye. He doesn't give eye contact very often, but its important for us to develop trust. With K, I know we have to be careful with our words - things like leaving her behind when she is going too slowly, or someone put a bug in her stomach really stick with her. With so many different influences there are so many more opportunities to mess them up ha ha ha.
Regardless, relationships are blossoming - and its beautiful to watch.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Sexuality
There have been many things lately that have caused me to think about my own sexuality. I needn't get into what they are.
However, what I've realized is that part of my stigma or thoughts on sexuality stem from what is normal and what is expected. Things you don't notice like the lack of movies, books, general media that feature gay/lesbian couples. I would love to watch a romantic comedy (or two or three or four) with a lesbian couple starring. Why can't their be a Gay version of The Notebook? Surely, there is a market for it - even if it is smaller, even if it doesn't make it a blockbuster. Surely, there must be other people in a same sex relationship out there who would love to have a movie they relate to?
Better yet, there is a book called "Dear John, I love Jane" about women who were in committed relationships with men who then realized they wanted to be with women. Come on - there is an awesome movie idea there!
I happened on a picture today of Ellen and Portia's wedding. In it they are dancing their first dance together. They had an amazing ceremony - they sat on cushions surrounded by flowers as they said their vows with only 19 people in attendance. It sounded like such a beautiful and lovely day. It was then that I realized that I would never have that with Craftymama. Our families aren't amazingly supportive. I think parents would come - but would they even take us seriously? I would love nothing more than to have a beautiful and simple ceremony with the woman I love and have my close family and friends be there to witness it. But after divorce - does anyone take the second marriage seriously?
I worry about what other people think of our relationship far to frequently. I worry that I am disappointing someone (who, I have no idea!) by being with a woman, and I worry even more that our relationship will never get the ceremony it deserves.
But man those pictures were beautiful and almost made me cry a little.
However, what I've realized is that part of my stigma or thoughts on sexuality stem from what is normal and what is expected. Things you don't notice like the lack of movies, books, general media that feature gay/lesbian couples. I would love to watch a romantic comedy (or two or three or four) with a lesbian couple starring. Why can't their be a Gay version of The Notebook? Surely, there is a market for it - even if it is smaller, even if it doesn't make it a blockbuster. Surely, there must be other people in a same sex relationship out there who would love to have a movie they relate to?
Better yet, there is a book called "Dear John, I love Jane" about women who were in committed relationships with men who then realized they wanted to be with women. Come on - there is an awesome movie idea there!
I happened on a picture today of Ellen and Portia's wedding. In it they are dancing their first dance together. They had an amazing ceremony - they sat on cushions surrounded by flowers as they said their vows with only 19 people in attendance. It sounded like such a beautiful and lovely day. It was then that I realized that I would never have that with Craftymama. Our families aren't amazingly supportive. I think parents would come - but would they even take us seriously? I would love nothing more than to have a beautiful and simple ceremony with the woman I love and have my close family and friends be there to witness it. But after divorce - does anyone take the second marriage seriously?
I worry about what other people think of our relationship far to frequently. I worry that I am disappointing someone (who, I have no idea!) by being with a woman, and I worry even more that our relationship will never get the ceremony it deserves.
But man those pictures were beautiful and almost made me cry a little.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
And two dogs make..
We are getting two dogs...!
Yes, we got a puppy before, but after that experience we realized that our house isn't ready for the work of a puppy quite yet. We were still set on rescuing a dog, when we happened on an ad on craigslist for two older dogs (8 and 11) who desperately needed to be rehomed. They had grown up together and were essentially brothers. One is a northern breed mixed dog named Jake and the other is a golden retriever mix named Colby. This works well for Andrea and I because she wanted a golden retriever desperately and I just LOVE northern breed dogs and their stubborn intelligence.
They come with all of their things - and there are a lot of things!
We cleaned up the side back yard, put up a big 10x10 pen and are using one of the outlying buildings as a big doghouse for them. They are used to pretty much living outside, so we wanted to make sure that we could give them enough space outside.
We pick them up Saturday - I am quite excited and nervous. Two dogs! This is a huge commitment. But I think we are ready. We have gone to meet them, and brought the kids along and the kids like them. They dogs are so gentle and sweet and know so many commands. They were very well looked after and it seems they are the perfect dog for us.
Let's see where this journey takes us!
Yes, we got a puppy before, but after that experience we realized that our house isn't ready for the work of a puppy quite yet. We were still set on rescuing a dog, when we happened on an ad on craigslist for two older dogs (8 and 11) who desperately needed to be rehomed. They had grown up together and were essentially brothers. One is a northern breed mixed dog named Jake and the other is a golden retriever mix named Colby. This works well for Andrea and I because she wanted a golden retriever desperately and I just LOVE northern breed dogs and their stubborn intelligence.
They come with all of their things - and there are a lot of things!
We cleaned up the side back yard, put up a big 10x10 pen and are using one of the outlying buildings as a big doghouse for them. They are used to pretty much living outside, so we wanted to make sure that we could give them enough space outside.
We pick them up Saturday - I am quite excited and nervous. Two dogs! This is a huge commitment. But I think we are ready. We have gone to meet them, and brought the kids along and the kids like them. They dogs are so gentle and sweet and know so many commands. They were very well looked after and it seems they are the perfect dog for us.
Let's see where this journey takes us!
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