Sexuality

There have been many things lately that have caused me to think about my own sexuality. I needn't get into what they are.

However, what I've realized is that part of my stigma or thoughts on sexuality stem from what is normal and what is expected. Things you don't notice like the lack of movies, books, general media that feature gay/lesbian couples. I would love to watch a romantic comedy (or two or three or four) with a lesbian couple starring. Why can't their be a Gay version of The Notebook? Surely, there is a market for it - even if it is smaller, even if it doesn't make it a blockbuster. Surely, there must be other people in a same sex relationship out there who would love to have a movie they relate to?

Better yet, there is a book called "Dear John, I love Jane" about women who were in committed relationships with men who then realized they wanted to be with women. Come on - there is an awesome movie idea there!

I happened on a picture today of Ellen and Portia's wedding. In it they are dancing their first dance together. They had an amazing ceremony - they sat on cushions surrounded by flowers as they said their vows with only 19 people in attendance. It sounded like such a beautiful and lovely day. It was then that I realized that I would never have that with Craftymama. Our families aren't amazingly supportive. I think parents would come - but would they even take us seriously? I would love nothing more than to have a beautiful and simple ceremony with the woman I love and have my close family and friends be there to witness it. But after divorce - does anyone take the second marriage seriously?

I worry about what other people think of our relationship far to frequently. I worry that I am disappointing someone (who, I have no idea!) by being with a woman, and I worry even more that our relationship will never get the ceremony it deserves.

But man those pictures were beautiful and almost made me cry a little.