Monday, May 11, 2015

Letting them be their own people

I have 5 kids. I have 5 kids who are not my slaves, not my mini me's, and not mine to control. They are their own people. They have their own thoughts, their own wants. The most important job I can do as a parent is to guide them to make smart choices, even if I would make a different choice. I must teach them and show them to have confidence in themselves, to believe in themselves, to have faith in themselves. I must teach them to listen to themselves and their own hearts and minds. I must also, unfortunately, be there for them when others do not care for their choices, or their wants. I must be a safe place for them to land when things don't go right. I must be open for them, I must accept them for who they are - even if what and who they are wasn't in my grand plan for them. My dreams for them don't need to come true in order for them to be successful. They are successful by being who they are.

BigR wants to be a bushman, he wants to survive off the land in the wilderness. He is learning all about what plants he can eat, and how to build shelters. If he grows up and does it and is happy - than I am happy for him. I want him to be happy. I'm sure no parent has a dream or a goal for their child to be a bushman, but - so what? We don't get to pick.

K wants to be a Doctor, Midwife, and a nurse. She is watching births, learning anatomy, and is practicing first aid. It's what she wants to pursue right now. If she does become those things, there is a whole slew of people who will deem her more successful than BigR...but why? Simply because it is more conventional. She will be successful if she follows her heart - regardless of where that takes her.

That being said...


K has dreads. She has been asking for them for 3 months. We debated, because, stereo-typically she is quite the girly girl and likes doing her hair and all that fun stuff. But she kept insisting. We went over that she would have to cut them out if she ever wanted them out. She thought about it and decided she did. So craftymama put them in. She is rocking them. I am worried what people are going to say to her. Everyone always comments on her red hair and how beautiful it is. It can still be beautiful in dreads. She loves them, they make her happy. She feels beautiful. That's all that matters. Not what other people think of her. We have had the conversation with her that some people may judge her or ask her why she did that to her hair. She seems okay with standing up for herself. But it's my job as a parent to stand up for her to. And I will.

I will stand up for all my kids. Because regardless of their hairstyles, their chosen careers, the educational paths they decide to take as we move forward - they are proudly, and without shame being themselves. That's all I want. They don't need to fit into anyone else's preconceived ideas for what they should or shouldn't be. I want them to be good, happy people.

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