End of 2012

Christmas was great in our house. The kids were overwhelmed and spoiled as they are every year and as a result were not the best at the dinner table. Dinner was once again rocked out by Craftymama and I, we are getting great at this. It was a busy time visiting all the family, opening all the gifts, and being actually present with the kids.

Glassman took the rest of his stuff yesterday. I cried like a baby. The girls were home and fine with it all; it was me who had a hard time. He hugged me lots, and brought me kleenex and coffee. He helped me put Christmas crap away, and bring my nicely chopped firewood inside; why does he have to be so helpful. I miss him.

Today is new years eve. A day when we are supposed to reflect on the previous year. What strikes me most about the last year is how little I valued myself. My blog doesn't normally get personal, but here we go. Accepting ny relationship, body, sexuality, personality and everything else has been a challenge for me this year. One in which I haven't completed yet. I feel like after the previous two years of inner emotional turmoil (the effects of extreme depression and mania), that I am going through some sort of mid-20's crisis. I am needing to discover and accept my identity. I need to find peace and balance. And that is my sole goal for the new year - to find peace and balance.

 The kids don't really know what day it is so they will be going to bed at the normal time. Craftymama and I will have a drink or two and watch "Perks of Being a Wallflower" and will ring in the new year quietly and together like we have the past few years.

2012 was the first year of home ownership (something I don't ever want to do again), building a new relationship with Craftymama after my mental collapse, watching other people grow and change into amazing people, seeing my kids flourish (and flounder) but being proud of them every day. 2012 was a year of not so many big changes, but a few powerful small ones. Relationships with my family are changing, C was born, my mishka moved to another town and Glassman moved out. 2012 was a year of growth for everyone. Some grew together, others apart.

I am never sad to see a year over, but after the past couple of years being so chaotic it was nice to have a calmer year in 2012. I hope the calmness and relative chaotic-less times continue.

Christmas Eve

So today is Christmas eve - present are almost all wrapped, kids are excited, and so are the parents. Tonight Glassman and Cableman will be spending the night at our house, and tomorrow we will wake up and celebrate Christmas as one big family. Tonight AuntiN is coming over to spend the evening with us with little baby C.

I'm doing a video day in the life today, so I will be sure to post it when it's all done.

Merry Christmas all!

Pictures

The Kids this Summer

The Christmas Picture Andrea Took

Last years Santa Photo - best picture ever!

This Years Santa Photo - look at the improvement!

BigR

K

M

Little R

Me and Craftymama!

Christmas and Advent continue to go well. We went and saw Santa on Sunday and as you can see it went way better than last years! Today we are having hot chocolate under the Christmas tree - R will be so excited, he has been waiting for this one since advent started! All the kids have asked for a stroller for their babies, and we didn't get one, it almost feels like we/Santa have failed them. I know they will be happy with the gifts we did make/procure for them, but when they want something so badly.....

My sister N is coming over to spend Christmas eve with us with her son C. I am stoked to have her over. She is one of the most open minded accepting people I have ever met in my life. I love spending my time with her, and am glad she is in Nanaimo now so we can visit more often - she even brought me a coffee today! 

On boxing day we are going to my mishka's house in qualicum for brunch, as well as Andrea's moms house for dinner - it will be hectic day but one filled with love and family. This sunday we are heading to Andrea's dad's house to set up his Christmas tree, and the Friday after Christmas we are going again to open some presents. Very exciting as well. Our Christmases are full of family and I love every moment of them. 

Today

Today I am sitting in Nanaimo's smaller library. Craftymama is at home building a wall (I'm thinking of changing her name to constructmama or something of the like - she is quite the whiz when it comes to fixing and building things), and doing some of her schoolwork.

I dropped the boys off with Cableman, and the girls off with Glassman. Glassman actually gave me a hug when I dropped them off, I guess he realized how weird it was too for this to be happening. It was a bittersweet moment for me. The girls left happily though, I will see them again tomorrow when he brings them back.

So that leaves me. I did the grocery list, finished Glassman's Christmas present,  and now have two hours to kill. I'll go pick up a pickle present for Christmas (whoever finds the pickle ornament on Christmas morning gets the present - its an old tradition that no one seems to no it's origins - but it's fun to do.)

I should have brought my knitting.

Welcome Home

I figured I would change the domain name of my web address now that Glassman doesn't live with us anymore. It is no longer Us3 but its Us2 now. So welcome to my new home :)

Glassman and I have our first hand off this weekend. The girls have spent nights away from home before, and I am not nervous about that, or about Glassman's parenting abilities. What's sad to me is that this is the first hand off. This first time signifies the many hand offs to come. It's weird, and this time when the girls are away it will feel a little bit different.

Good thing I have the boys to keep me busy. But I am sad for them as well. They won't get to see Glassman as much anymore and he has been like a father figure to them for the past however many years. There will be no overnight trips for them, no visits to Grandpa S's, and they are just supposed to adapt and adjust, and I know they will. Doesn't help the sadness though.

We all miss each other.

Glassman and Renos and kids

Glassman left this weekend. I watched him grab his clothes and put on his shoes, tears forming behind my eyes. As he was leaving he asked me how long we had lived together, when I replied 9 years he said "weird" and walked out the door. I don't know why he has trouble expressing how hard this is on him. I've tried communicating how hard it is on me, and telling him that I still love him deeply - but he just makes fun of me like he always does. It is weird to not have him around, to have him visit instead of being here overnight. His room seems emptier already even though all his big furniture is still here. I miss him already and will probably cry again.

Craftymama in an ever present need to do thing in the house got a vision for the laundry room shelves and in two days they have come out and the beginning of bead board paneling has gone in. It was a quick project and makes that area look all the bigger. I will post pictures when it's done - assuming she took a before picture. I love how bright it looks - and it actually makes the bathroom look bigger because the door can open all the way. In the tearing down process she found a note from 1969:

very cool. And yes that does say 1969 on it - I guess that's when those shelves went up. It's nice to be restoring an area back to what it was originally. There was even original baseboard behind those shelves. Of course the wall was lath and plaster which is why we had to cover it up. We couldn't find appropriate and budget conscious real bead board so the sheets will have to do - and they do look pretty darn good. 

The kids are enjoying advent. At cableman's house the boy's have one of those chocolate advent calendars and R told me as I was driving them home yesterday that he likes our advent calender better because with the other all you do is eat things. Oh melt my heart, I love that we are creating memories like that. So far we have gotten a christmas tree, decorated, made cottonball snow men, put christmas lights in their rooms, gotten christmas library books, written letters to santa and much more - and we are only 10 days in. R is hoping there is one that involves drinking hot chocolate under the tree - and there just might be. 

I do love christmas in our house, as stressful as it can be. 

Glassman, Money, Christmas

It's December 5th. Glassman still hasn't moved out. He gave us notice late so he technically stay for all of December, but he has made no effort to pack his things or made arrangements with his dad to move out. He wants to do it gradually, which I think will make it more difficult for the kids. He is planning to sleep at his dad's this weekend so we will see how that goes.

His staying also means that the room renos are on hold because we can't move rooms when he is still in one. It's frustrating but okay because....

We are broke as all hell. Between Christmas, and the roof, and the van, and a banking mistake we are having to dip into what little savings we have. This is so infuriating. I feel like we will never get ahead and never get out of this. I know we have to because we can't live like this for the rest of our lives, but I don't have any plans for how we can go about getting out of this. There must be a way though, there must be.

The kids are excited for advent. Every year we bring out the advent calendar and there is an activity that we do in each day. Yesterday, for example, we went to the library for  Christmas books, the day before - they made reindeer puppets. It's fun for them to look forward to something every day, rather than just looking forward to Christmas day. It takes some of the pressure off the day.

Speaking of Christmas Day. We have such a nice day planned as always. The morning starts when everyone is awake. Presents are opened one by one while the other family members watch and enjoy the various levels of excitement. It usually lasts until 11:00a. Then the dinner preparations start: with turkey and all the fixins. The day is spent at home having some quality time with family. Then the next day we go visit all the other family members and enjoy Christmas with them. I really like the way we do Christmas in our home. It's quieter, and more wholesome than travelling around every where to see the 5 sets of grandparents the kids have. It's weird not seeing my mom on Christmas as that was our tradition before kids, but it's more important to us that our kids spend Christmas at home and not travelling.