Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Some End, Some Change, Some Rearrange

It's been a long time since I've updated. At first it was because nothing was new, so I had nothing to talk about, then when something giant did happen I was without a computer.

Relationships have changed.

I guess from the beginning. We tried out living with Cableman, and it worked, kind of. It worked well enough to make it a permanant situation. So we moved, into the green house - which is actually being painted yellow and red now. His presence drastically changed all relationships. Our triad lost its groove, and we all felt it. We still don't have it back. But that could be due to another relationship changing.

Glassman and I took a break. I had been realizing, over the course of longer than I think anyone (save maybe Craftymama) knows. I have been struggling with our relationship for quite some time now, and it finally got to the point where I didn't think it was fair to keep doing it any longer. We had a talk one night and I told him I wasn't sure I loved him anymore, and I thought we should take a break. He took this to mean breaking up - assumptions ftw!

Over the course of our break it was very weird. He still kissed craftymama goodbye in the morning, and was still affectionate with her. It was weird seeing my husband be affectionate with someone else while at the same time giving me the cold shoulder - why wouldn't he? I had broken his heart. We alternated who slept in the bed with Craftymama, and I didn't sleep when I was on the couch. Those were long nights. I am more dependent on her than I ever realized before this.

We talked as a group off and on during our break, and I eventually realized that I still wanted to be in a relationship with Glassman, but that it needed to be different. He needed to know the difference, at least in my mind, between relationships. And he needed to be okay with my desire to be with Craftymama on a deeper level. It didn't/doesn't take away my love for him; my love for her is just more powerful than I could have ever anticipated.

He also admitted that he hasn't been himself around me since he returned from school the first time. He has been trying to be the person I want him to be. I loathe fake people, so maybe I was able to sense this on some level.

Either way, we decided to try again. From complete scratch. I feel more comfortable to do the things I want to do, and I have stopped feeling guilty for the way I feel about Craftymama. I am hoping he has started to be himself around me, but I'm not him so I don't know. We all sleep in the same bed again. The topic of it not feeling like my room anymore is for another post, one I hope to do shortly.

So Glassman and I are starting again - this time for real. Im nervous.

I proposed to Craftymama! Hell yeah I did! It was a perfect proposal, done at a Starbucks while we were knitting one night. I have had the ring for a while but was always looking for the "right" time, when all relationships were more stable and what not. I finally decided to do it. It was a wonderfully surreal evening - oh, she said yes! Obviously. We are excitedly planning a wedding for October 9th 2011. Glassman was genuinely excited for us, and asked to walk me down the aisle - so sweet.

Cableman and Craftymama are also on a bit of a hiatus. There relationship, in her words, has always been one of convenience, and though she loves him (and he her) they don't mesh well together as partners and have to work on that in order to make something stable, loving, and awesome for the both of them. Cableman is understandably devasted by this voiced changed (Craftymama has been feeling this way for a while).

Honesty is going to go a long way in making this triad (quad?) work. In being honest in the past little while I have strengthened an already strong relationship, started anew one that is failing, and witnessed a change in another that will hopefully bring both parties some happiness.

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