Failure

So we are moving - this Saturday as a matter of fact. We met with a bankruptcy trustee, a realtor, and have been talking lots about what to do. What it comes down to is the fact that the house is eating us alive, even if I was working full time with a decent hourly wage - it's still not enough to cover the basic necessities of living there. We simply can't afford it. So we had a realtor out to do a walk through and give us an estimate, and after his fees and taxes we would still owe over $100,000 on the house, and the banks won't let us walk away with that high of a debt still owing on it. So really, what other option do we have other than to foreclose on the house, declare bankruptcy, and start again. I will admit that I feel pretty much like the ultimate failure at life here. it was my job to support the family, and not only did I lose my job back in February, but even if I was working, I still didn't make enough for us to survive there. Buying that house was the single biggest adult mistake we have made.

So we will have some credit ladder climbing to do. This will kill our credit (and our cosigners, who knows about this, and who is being so amazingly awesome that it nearly brings me to tears), and we will be fighting to get it back, and regain some sense of normalcy again. This is a chance to start over, start fresh, and get it right. We can come back from this.

The place we are moving into is a 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom place on a huge piece of land. It needs some serious cleaning and fixing up, but we are okay with that. It's the same distance from the school, just in the other direction.

Speaking of school, R will be homeschooled next year, and we are going to see how grade 1 is for K. If it's awful we are going to pull all the kids out the following year. We don't want to keep trying and experimenting on the kids to see if it's going to work. That being said, I don't know that I am sold on homeschooling them all, but thankfully, we don't have to make that decision right now. That's a future problem - potentially.

Glassman has been coming out to our house more, and is helping us move and lay down new floor in the place and what not. It's weirdly comfortable having him around, and having three adults there is certainly nice. I do miss living with him, he was a permanent fixture in my life for so long that it's still weird that I don't see him every day.

Veganism goes all right. In fact, it's completely fine at home - it's when we see family. Others seem to think it is all right to undermine our food decisions, and critique them in front of the kids. What they don't realize is the kids complain about the food around them because they get a reaction. None of them actually really mind - especially K. They are enjoying trying new foods and new things. It's only when you point out what they are "missing out on" that they put of this fuss, and you can tell it's an act. It would just be really nice not to be belittled in front of the kids for our parenting choices. If you have a real issue with something we have decided to do, I would much rather be approached or called when the kids aren't around.

I am on the job hunt, and am finding that I am angry and upset at what  happened with my last job. I'm having a really hard time letting it go and I know I have to.

Those are the biggest updates that I can think of...

And the beat goes on

So what's new in our little family? Ha Ha Ha little. Craftymama is going wrap crazy and wants to buy all the wraps. When she was with cableman, she was pretty much allowed to buy any wrap she fancied - now not so much. She just got one like 2 weeks ago and is already lusting after at least two more. I have a wrap for J, but I am also lusting after this rainbow wrap I saw before he was born but that wasn't released yet. It's now released and available nearly everywhere. I want it so bad. Craftymama said I'm allowed to get it if I wear J 20 out of 30 days. Wrapping and I are having a hard go of things. He is too big for me to wear comfortably on my front, and I just can't seem to get back wrapping down without major help. It's so infuriating. I hate having to learn things I already learned once before. But I so want this wrap, and I really do enjoy wearing him. I sing to him while we walk the dog, and craftymama helps me get him nice and high so I can see him just by turning my head. It's nice spending that one on one time with him.

I subbed in K's class yesterday as one of her teachers was away. I had oh so much fun. Everyone, and I mean everyone, tells me that teaching grades would be so much better for me, and that I'm more suited to it, but there is something about ECE, it just...oh it's just so special. I'm trying to go to the west coast institute for waldorf teacher training. It starts this July. The unfortunate thing is that student loans won't pay for it, and ha ha ha to me affording it. So I have asked for a sponsor, and am hoping for a positive response.

At this point in time I have no skills, and no usable education. I would be starting from scratch again. Supporting 5 kids and a partner with an entry level job is near impossible. I feel so useless, and frustrated.

I went into my old work the other day to pick up some forms that I needed for the government, they knew I was coming, and not one person came to say hi to me. Not one person talked to me. I just was given my papers and left. I gave my life to these people. I helped the company grow into what it is now. It hurt so badly. I know it's just business - and I know I have to shrug it off because in the grand scheme of life it doesn't really matter. I guess I just thought I meant more as a person, but I guess all I was was an employee, and now I'm no longer that. I have to move on. I am grateful for everything I learned about herbs, business, finances, and myself while I was there. Working there changed who I am, I wish them nothing but success.

There is a string of violence going around our house. The kids have taken on a mean streak and are hitting, punching, pushing, and kicking each other. I just can't stand it. I find I have less patience then I normally do lately, which I hate, but really, the violence needs to stop. I don't know what to do. Craftymama and I need to have a pow wow and get some parenting strategies for how to handle this.

The changes in our eating go all right. I hate many of the common vegetarian alternatives: beans, onions, mushrooms - so I'm probably having the biggest challenge. Craftymama and I differ on our beliefs. I believe humans were meant to eat meat occasionally - but produced ethically, and treated ethically while I live. The animals deserve respect, and that's what the mainstream industry doesn't give them. So I miss meat. I don't need or want it at every meal, but every once and a while it would be nice. I don't miss cows milk - I haven't liked drinking that stuff since I had K. We shall see what my family's food reality looks like in a few months when things get into more of a routine and we all find our balance.

We are talking about what our next house is going to be. Craftymama really wants to build it, and she has found this environmental way of building really heat effective houses our of straw bales. It would be interesting to build our own house. I'm not vehemently opposed to the idea. Of course, the first thing we have to do is figure out what we are doing with our current disaster of a house....

That's pretty much it for now. We aren't very exciting...

'A''s

So I got an 'A' in my Marketing class. That's right, in a masters level class, I actually got an A. I am so impressed with myself. I was honestly just expecting to pass my classes, and not do exceedingly well. But I really loved Marketing. I loved the concepts, adored the professor, and really enjoyed the class as a whole.

Still no economics mark - I am still nervous.

The girls spent 4 days at Glassman's house, and I missed them terribly. I think that's the longest I have gone without seeing them. With my work schedule, I went 3 days without seeing the boys - that might be the longest I've gone without seeing them. It's so hard being away from them, and away from my home so much with work and school.

I did get to spend a night at my sisters house, and it's always fun to hang out with her. She made me a nice dinner, we talked, we watched House, and I got to play with her adorable son, and my nephew, C. I wish there was a way that I could spend more time with her. I wish my family were in general closer, and that we were able to see each other more. Perhaps as our kids get older, our schedules become less hectic, and we all mature a little bit - it will become easier.

LittleR's drawings have taken on a new form. She now draws people, like people that look like people. It's quite incredible, as it seems like only last week she was still drawing random shapes and scribbles. BigR is still obsessed with Waldo and draws Waldo scenes (he copies a picture from one of his books) every day. He always hides every little thing, and wants us to find them all. M has been incredibly cute with Ziggy, he is the sweetest of all the children with this pregnancy. He constantly tells Ziggy how he is going to share his cars and blankie, and he felt Ziggy kick just a few days ago. He is such an adorable little boy. K, I think, is missing me most with my new schedule of work/school. I mean, all the kids miss me terribly, but I think she is having the hardest time. She doesn't want to fall asleep, and asks me everyday if she is going to see my the next day and why I have to work all the time. It's heart breaking.

T lounging with a monkey

LittleR's Crazy hair. 

K - she really is quite pretty, and she knows it!

BigR wearing cableman's hat - he was so proud

Bike Rides

I don't know how to ride a bike. Well, in theory I do, but I haven't ridden one in so long, that I would be terrified to try.

The kids on the other hand - they love their bikes! LittleR got her first pedal bike for her birthday from my mom, and has just started to pedal it on her own. Before she was using it like her old balance bike.

This weekend, before I went to work, I took all the kids, solo, to go for a quick bike ride and to play at the park near our house. I wanted some one on one time with them, and wanted to see them ride their prized possessions. They are all such different kids.

LittleR, wanted to go for a short bike ride - she is still learning so she goes slower, and then play peek a boo at the park. Yes, my 4yr old wanted to play peek a boo.

M went super quick and rode back and forth along the sidewalk and parking lot waiting for me to catch up. At the part he wanted to play hide n seek - he is a big cheater lol.

BigR just wanted to ride his bike and tell me all about it. So he rode around and around the parking lot, stopping to have me watch him standing up, or see him riding on the grass. He did not want a park visit.

Now, to be honest, I didn't take K for a ride, Glassman did - he had her during the time I had before work. She wanted to do a long bike ride and no park visit, so they went around the block. No stopping for talking, just straight to business and straight riding.

It's these moments with the kids that I cherish. Along with them all crowded around and on top of me after they hadn't seen me for a few days. We read stories, and I watched their games, we did puzzles, and I saw their games. It's the little moments with the kids too.

It's hard, especially in the mornings, for me not to just doze as they play. It's so easy to just nod off a little bit as they play around you, and frankly, I did a couple of times. But, I hope I was present enough to make them feel loved, make them feel important, and let them know that I will be there whenever I can to watch them play.

Parenting Moments

We all have those moments. Those moments where we look  back at something we have said or done as a parent and wish we hadn't. They needn't be big, sometimes even the smallest of things can have the most profound effect on us and our kids.

I was driving into work this morning and suddenly it hit me, my parenting moment, one of them anyways. I have this pet peeve, I hate when the kids play with my shoes. I hate when they put them on, and I hate when they walk around the house in them. This is because we don't allow shoes in the house, for a variety of reasons, and because their little feet, when they are walking, have a tendency to start breaking my shoes - and I need those things. I immediately go to frustration, and tell them to take my shoes off and return them to the front room.

Why is this a big deal you ask?

Kids are kids. Kids try on their parent's shoes. When they do, in those moments, they are pretending they are the adult. They are having pure, innocent, fun with simply a pair of my shoes. Instead of embracing that, I go to frustration and try to end it as quickly as possible.

What's the big deal if they try on and wear my shoes? Maybe instead of telling them to put them back right away, I could show them how to wear them properly so they don't break. Maybe I could play with them, and try to put their shoes on. Maybe we could make it a dress up game where they wear some of my clothes too. I have so many other options, but I take the one that is most convenient to my frustrated mood.

This is not the way I wanted to parent.

In trying to constrain the kids, control them, I fear that we have gotten ourselves into a situation where we could stifle their creativity. I want them to feel free, in their own home and anywhere, that they can express themselves, and let their imaginations run wild. Imagination is also a fleeting thing, they won't have this childlike imagination their whole lives. I should be embracing it, instead of giving in to my annoyances.

It really isn't a big deal that they put on my shoes....

The Working Parent's Life

I'm a working parent as we all know. It's hard some days, and really hard other days. I miss my kids, I miss craftymama, and I miss being at home. I don't, at all, hate my job though, I like coming to work, I like what I do - which makes me feel even more guilty about being away from home. 

Usually I leave for work just after the kids wake up, and I am home just before dinner. That gives me a total of about 3 hours to see them during the week. On the weekends the boys go to cableman's house on Saturdays, and he comes here on Sundays. Glassman takes the girls to his house every other weekend, or stays at our house - so the weekends are filled with daddy time. It's a hard balance trying to get my time in on the weekends, which is why I enjoyed being the one to drive them to Nanaimo every Saturday. It gave me about an hour of uninterrupted alone time with them. I would turn the radio off and we would just talk for the hour it took my to get here - I would even drive the speed limit so I had more time with them. 

Time is a valuable thing, and there is never enough of it. 

Craftymama works from home too, so she misses out on a lot of what the kids do in the mornings (while she does her work). She works extremely hard at her job, as well as taking care of the kids. I couldn't ask for a better partner to share the working life with. I hate that she has to work too, I wish neither of us had to work and that we could both be at home, together, and parenting the children. 

This week, however, I have a crazy schedule between working and going to school. It's the only week it will be like this. I, originally, wasn't going to see the kids from Monday night until Sunday night. Thankfully, I got done early yesterday and was able to see them after dinner, and help put them to bed - I was so excited to be home with all of them. Yet, I think yesterday will be the only day I get off early, so I won't see the kids now until Sunday night, wherein I have promised them I would read the Berenstein Bears story to them, and they will remember. 

Because they will miss me, and I will miss them, Craftymama had the great idea of having a mailbox at home where they could write me letters and colour me pictures, and I would respond to them. So I would have some mail, and the kids would have a letter or pictures from me. I thought that was a great idea. Craftymama and the kids set it all up yesterday and I got my first Mii Mii Mail last night. It was wonderful to see their pictures and the captions on their pictures. It nearly brought a tear to my eye. I brought the pictures to work and they went in the binder where I keep all the kids' art they give to me for my work. I flip through it from time to time seeing how their drawings have changed over the course of two years. 

This is the only week it will be like this, just one week, and then we are back to our new normal schedule. I, and them, can make it through the week. Plus, I plan on calling them every day just to talk to them and see how they are doing. 

My Mii Mii Mail Box!

M makes a castle out of some cardboard he found - very creative for him. He was very proud. 

The boys reading their cousin C stories when he came to visit. 

Oh My God

BigR is miserable. So miserable all the freaking time, it is so draining. He talks back, he is moody - it's like a mini pms'ing boy. I know I know, he is going through the 7 year change, and I know this is first puberty, and I knew it was going to be hard long before we got here, but every time I think it's at its worst - it just gets worse. This morning he threw his diaper at M (yes, he still wears a diaper, we can't for the life of us get him out of it, we have tried, and we can't be doing sheet and blanket laundry every day as he wets the bed every night - we have enough laundry to do!), and then had a fit when I asked him to pick it up. He then threw a bigger fit when I asked him what he wanted for breakfast.

He just.isn't.listening. I have tried to get down on his level, tried to be more authority like, tried to be completely respectful of this personal change he is going through - but that doesn't make this any easier. Nothing we do is working. Which makes me wonder if there is anything we can actually do, or if this is just something we have to survive. There are many of those moments in parenting where you just have to survive the bad and hope that it gets better soon. I really am counting on it getting better soon.

We have alone time together, me and him, every night while Craftymama puts M to bed, and even that is becoming a strain for me. He demands constant attention, which is fine, I can do that - however, when he has been moody and rude to me the entire time I've been home from work, I don't really want to be around him any longer (*hides in parenting shame*). It's hard to muster up the will to play his imaginative games, and they still are, when he has told me I am a "fat old lady" and he "hates me" and has hit me as he is walking by.

The scary thing is....BigR is our most chilled out child (or he was before now), I am terrified of what K and M will be like at 7 - BigR will probably seem easy in comparison to them!

Breaking New Ground?

Today is LGBT Families Day. We are encouraged to post our stories on what it is like to live in a LGBT family, or to know one in our lives.

I wanted to point out a few different things I have noticed since living in a LGBT family.

• People ask you who the real or birth mom is all the time. I assume this would be true for two dads. For some reason it is okay to ask these types of inappropriate  questions to same sex couples. 
• Names on forms actually bother you. At our school all the forms were mother and father - and we never knew how to fill them out. Craftymama and I are together, and have full custody of the kids. They have two mothers who they live with, not a mother and a father. We approached the school, maturely and nicely, and asked them to change the forms to parents, or have the option for two fathers or two mothers. You know what? They did, with no questions or judgments. It feels good to have them listen to us and make the change. 
• When we go out and hold hands people still stare at us, especially when we have the kids with us. 
• You are much more aware of how little same sex couples are portrayed in every day media. There are very few movies or shows where gays and lesbians are the prominent figures and not just cast to be the comedic relief. 
• On that same note, there are very few books for kids with two moms or two dads - you have to really want to search for them. This is unfair to our kids who never get to read stories that have families similar to theirs. Especially Ziggy, who will not know his/her donor in the same way the kids know glassman and cableman. For him/her having that literature to reinforce that our family is completely okay is vitally important to Craftymama and myself. 
• Our kids are resilient. On Mother's Day Big R insisted on making two of everything because he has two moms. They know their family, and they know how to show their love and support - they are not phased by having to ask for the things they want to equalize their families with all the others - at least not yet.
• Legally speaking, because I am not a genetic parent to Ziggy - I have to adopt my own child. I will have been there through preplanning, conception, the pregnancy; everything, and yet I still have to pay to and adopt my own child. *This* is unfair. 

It has been quite the experience living in  LGBT household so far, there are not very  many of us in our area, but our community has been so accepting of us. There have been no judgments, at least not to our faces, and everyone has included both of us. It's been wonderful to be a part of such a welcoming community, I can't imagine what it is like for those who have to face homophobia on a daily basis. To face discrimination based on something that is at the very core of their being. It is so unfair. 

I am proud of my family. I am proud of any family, LGBT or not who have the courage to stand up and be who they are, and find peace in who they are. 

Night time traditions

When I was little my mom used to tuck me in and sing me "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be." I still remember that, and it was a wonderful night time tradition. Sometimes I would even be allowed a bed time snack in bed - very special times for me.

Sleep is so important for me. When my kids were babies, I used to snuggle them close in their sleep. It was a great bonding time. I don't like any child to go to bed unhappy, as at night is when your body processes all that has gone on during the day, and if you end the day on a bad note I can only imagine what that does to your whole view of the remainder of the day. It's why I strive to always be loving, kind, and to create memories with my kids at night. Granted, I try to be kind and loving at all points of the day, but it's especially important to me to make sure they go to sleep knowing I love them.

BigR has recently been staying up later due to his age, and the fact that he and M share a room and M needs to go to sleep first. We spend that time together reading stories, or playing a quiet game of hockey (the net is the empty fireplace, the sticks are car tracks, and the puck is a felted ball). He always gives me a hug, and I give him a kiss on the head when he goes upstairs. It's becoming such a special time for the two of us, but I know he goes to bed knowing I love him.

K goes to bed when all the other kids do. I always tuck her in with her new to her fuzzy blanket, tuck her baby in with a smaller blanket, and turn on her star turtle (it shines constellations on the ceiling). The colour is always blue. Then I give her a hug and a kiss and tell her I love her. After putting LittleR to bed I always go back into K's room and give her another hug and kiss. I know she goes to bed knowing I love her.

M is always difficult to put to bed. He is always so full of energy, and has tons of games he just has to play right this instance. Craftymama puts M to bed, but after I am done with the girls, I always go into M's room and give him a giant squeeze hug and spin. I lift him right off the bed, that giant 50lb boy, and squeeze him tightly while he smiles the biggest smile. Then I kiss him on the head and tuck him in with his beloved blankie. I know he goes to sleep knowing I love him.

LittleR is also a challenge to put to bed sometimes. When I am home she is always hyperactive. I take her upstairs, and she jumps off her bed frame onto her bed, and I ask her how many times she wants to spin. Inevitably, she gives me a huge number but we generally compromise on around 6 or 7. She jumps off her bed into my waiting arms and we spin around. Then I tuck her in, give her a hug and kiss and say "I love you, I'll see you in the morning" and she always replies the same. On those good nights I know she goes to sleep knowing I love her. On bad night however, she is screaming, and won't stay in her bed. Typical for her age I guess. I always leave telling her I love her, and when she is asleep, finally, I go back in, tuck her in, and whisper again that I love her in her ear. I hope she can hear me and it creates a restful sleep.

I love these little traditions with my kids, I hope they love and remember them too.

Family Days

Family days are fun and I wish I could participate in them more often - not that they happen often but if me and craftymama were home some of the time or at least more of the day time week time then they would. This past Sunday we took all 4 kids, and 2 dogs to the beach to play. It was so awesome to watch the kids just frolic in the water and throw the ball for the dogs who would enthusiastically chase it. What made it all the nicer was sharing it with the woman I love and getting to stop and kiss her every once in a while. I wonder if they feel like family days when its just craftymama taking the kids. Today they travelled all the way to Nanaimo, to the Departure Bay waterpark. I wonder how it felt. I wonder if it feels like any sort of family - like we felt before 'life' when we would take R and K to the waterpark. I wonder if she enjoyed it as much. I know it's work, I really do, and I appreciate how hard it must be, and I know I am lucky that my work doesn't have that kind of mental stress....but God, I miss it.

I'm also aware I haven't written about my grandma. She passed on Sunday in the early morning with her family around her. I don't want to say more because no words can convey what I feel and saying anything would be untrue.

Step Parenting

Craftymama and I had a conversation the other day about how I view her parenting of K and LittleR. I guess I am protective. Further, I have always compared her love for the boys to my love for the girls. Hers is so deep and unconditional...me..I don't get as excited about pictures and random flowers. I don't have that same pull or whatever to my bio kids as she does. As a result, I always thought and felt that she was harder on the girls and that she obviously favoured them. I never thought for even a second that she didn't love the girls, I knew she did, but I questioned whether she showed it enough for them to know it.

Since that conversation I have been forcing myself to look at not the differences between how she parents the kids but instead just focus on how she shows her love for the girls. I have been amazed at the things I was missing. I was caught off guard by the little things I hadn't seen before. How when LittleR went for a sleepover as soon as Craftymama saw her she demanded a hug and picked her right up.

I am elated to see these relationships developing, and even more elated that I have opened my mind and heart up to that possibility. It's so awesome that these kids have so many parents who can express their love in a variety of ways. I think what we all have to be careful of though is each of their insecurities. I know I have to be extra careful with R to sit down with him, on his level, and look him in the eye. He doesn't give eye contact very often, but its important for us to develop trust. With K, I know we have to be careful with our words - things like leaving her behind when she is going too slowly, or someone put a bug in her stomach really stick with her. With so many different influences there are so many more opportunities to mess them up ha ha ha.

Regardless, relationships are blossoming - and its beautiful to watch.

A Week of Discovery

This has been a week of self discovery for me.

I'm realizing Im a hypocrite sometimes. With our open sharing policy, we are supposed to say what is up. I'm not purposefully not sharing, Im just used to figuring my issue out first and then sharing. This isn't fair to the group. No time was this more cleae to me then after we decided where we are moving to. I was something and quiet and distant all day. I think it was the first time Craftymama has been angry with me: if I'm reading her right. It was hard seeing her angry, and knowing it was directed at me. I have to start sharing even if I haven't figured everything out yet. I'm used to being independent, and just doing things - but that's not as possible in this type of relationship.

I want another baby: I knew this already, but this week made me realize that I'm not having one for a good long time. Further, I don't think I will be the next female to have one - which is fine. But with S's birthday (today actually!), and remembering her labour and birth ( story found here ), I'm really sad at the thought that another pregnancry, birth, and baby aren't in my near future. But, what surprises me is how genuinely excited I am about Craftymama having a baby. I'm stoked about experiencing that side of things, and being there for her, and supporting her, and all those things that come along with it.

Glassman is a lot more intelligent, patient, and communicative than I ever thought. Having Cableman to compare him to makes me realize how much he has grown as a person. I don't feel guilty for my impatience with him in the past, everything is subjective afterall, but I am glad that I am able to appreciate him now. Having actualy life related conversations where he is involved isn't as frustrating as it used to be. Unless its his issue that he is sharing, that is still an issue of frustration with me.

I'm loving the boys more and more as actual kids: especially R. I haven't felt like we had connected on that actual parental/child basis: but the snuggles I have gotten on the couch, and even his demeanour with me is changing recently. I love the relationship we are building!

On a poly related note:
The 3-person triad is currently struggling. We are having some issues, but no one can really pinpoint what they are, so we aren't talking about them. I miss the days where I felt completely comfortable around them. When sitting in bed watching Roseanne was completely relaxing. I need to know where the tension is coming from.

Blending Families.....is Hard Work

There are a ton of things I could post about that have happened in our triad's 5 short months together, but why focus on the past...instead, this blog will start with the present. Whats on my mind lately has been the blending of our families.

Andrea birthed two boys, I birthed two girls - neither set during the triad - so all the kids have gone through adustments. However, this post is more about the adjustment in parenting when blending families.

When children are older I imagine its more challenging on them to blend, when the kids are as young as ours (3.5, 2.5, 1.5, and nearly 1), the stresses are more on us as caregivers.

Its in our kids' youngest years that we have more say in how things are done, what values are important, what battles we chose to undertake, and what cries of anger/sadness/frustration etc we run to. It is wonderful, in our house there is an extra parent. There are more arms to hold babies, more stories can be read, and just more love going around. We are also lucky in that we parent in the same general way - we are attachment parents. We cloth diaper, babywear, co-sleep, breastfeed...etc..etc. It works well. If one of us believed in CIO than that would be a problem - luckily we can avoid those giant issues.

Blending our families together has been much more challenging than I anticipated. Not only did I double my amount of kids seemingly overnight, but there is another parent I have to run things by, another parent I must trust to be there and care for my children (and I do), and another parent who can get frustrated and just 'give up' on parenting for the sake of a few moments of quiet.

For example - our oldest boy, R, is quite a picky eater. He routinely does not eat dinner. We don't normally make a habit out of having a desert, but we have lately as we have been doing more baking, and because we got a few chocolates from grandparents for Easter. So, what happens if at the end of a long day when both moms agree that R cannot have desert unless he at least tries dinner...but by the end of dinner one mom is so done with whining that she gives in. Does mom 2 step in and enforce what was previously said?

I dont know what battles to pick with Craftymama. I dont yet feel comfortable stepping in with her, when its in the middle of a situation. To be fair, I dont with Glassman either.

Im also not used to someone else questioning my instincts. Glassman is very timid, and never has, but Craftymama causes me to question the things I do - which is both good and bad. When Ive had a long long long day with the kids and our youngest, S, is whining one more time to nurse, and is still awake at 11:15p: is it my instincts telling me I should be the one to put her to bed? Or is it my mommy martyr parenting, where I feel I have to be the one to do it?

There are little things like who calls who what, the fact that we still default to caring for our bio kids first (diapers, shoes on, hand holding etc) - but I think those things will resolve themselves given time.

It has been an amazing experience getting to bring two wonderful boys into my life, and I wouldnt trade it for the world. I had assumed it would be easy - given that craftymama and myself are so similar - it has been easy in some regards - it has also been challenging.