There are a ton of things I could post about that have happened in our triad's 5 short months together, but why focus on the past...instead, this blog will start with the present. Whats on my mind lately has been the blending of our families.
Andrea birthed two boys, I birthed two girls - neither set during the triad - so all the kids have gone through adustments. However, this post is more about the adjustment in parenting when blending families.
When children are older I imagine its more challenging on them to blend, when the kids are as young as ours (3.5, 2.5, 1.5, and nearly 1), the stresses are more on us as caregivers.
Its in our kids' youngest years that we have more say in how things are done, what values are important, what battles we chose to undertake, and what cries of anger/sadness/frustration etc we run to. It is wonderful, in our house there is an extra parent. There are more arms to hold babies, more stories can be read, and just more love going around. We are also lucky in that we parent in the same general way - we are attachment parents. We cloth diaper, babywear, co-sleep, breastfeed...etc..etc. It works well. If one of us believed in CIO than that would be a problem - luckily we can avoid those giant issues.
Blending our families together has been much more challenging than I anticipated. Not only did I double my amount of kids seemingly overnight, but there is another parent I have to run things by, another parent I must trust to be there and care for my children (and I do), and another parent who can get frustrated and just 'give up' on parenting for the sake of a few moments of quiet.
For example - our oldest boy, R, is quite a picky eater. He routinely does not eat dinner. We don't normally make a habit out of having a desert, but we have lately as we have been doing more baking, and because we got a few chocolates from grandparents for Easter. So, what happens if at the end of a long day when both moms agree that R cannot have desert unless he at least tries dinner...but by the end of dinner one mom is so done with whining that she gives in. Does mom 2 step in and enforce what was previously said?
I dont know what battles to pick with Craftymama. I dont yet feel comfortable stepping in with her, when its in the middle of a situation. To be fair, I dont with Glassman either.
Im also not used to someone else questioning my instincts. Glassman is very timid, and never has, but Craftymama causes me to question the things I do - which is both good and bad. When Ive had a long long long day with the kids and our youngest, S, is whining one more time to nurse, and is still awake at 11:15p: is it my instincts telling me I should be the one to put her to bed? Or is it my mommy martyr parenting, where I feel I have to be the one to do it?
There are little things like who calls who what, the fact that we still default to caring for our bio kids first (diapers, shoes on, hand holding etc) - but I think those things will resolve themselves given time.
It has been an amazing experience getting to bring two wonderful boys into my life, and I wouldnt trade it for the world. I had assumed it would be easy - given that craftymama and myself are so similar - it has been easy in some regards - it has also been challenging.
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