And the beat goes on

So what's new in our little family? Ha Ha Ha little. Craftymama is going wrap crazy and wants to buy all the wraps. When she was with cableman, she was pretty much allowed to buy any wrap she fancied - now not so much. She just got one like 2 weeks ago and is already lusting after at least two more. I have a wrap for J, but I am also lusting after this rainbow wrap I saw before he was born but that wasn't released yet. It's now released and available nearly everywhere. I want it so bad. Craftymama said I'm allowed to get it if I wear J 20 out of 30 days. Wrapping and I are having a hard go of things. He is too big for me to wear comfortably on my front, and I just can't seem to get back wrapping down without major help. It's so infuriating. I hate having to learn things I already learned once before. But I so want this wrap, and I really do enjoy wearing him. I sing to him while we walk the dog, and craftymama helps me get him nice and high so I can see him just by turning my head. It's nice spending that one on one time with him.

I subbed in K's class yesterday as one of her teachers was away. I had oh so much fun. Everyone, and I mean everyone, tells me that teaching grades would be so much better for me, and that I'm more suited to it, but there is something about ECE, it just...oh it's just so special. I'm trying to go to the west coast institute for waldorf teacher training. It starts this July. The unfortunate thing is that student loans won't pay for it, and ha ha ha to me affording it. So I have asked for a sponsor, and am hoping for a positive response.

At this point in time I have no skills, and no usable education. I would be starting from scratch again. Supporting 5 kids and a partner with an entry level job is near impossible. I feel so useless, and frustrated.

I went into my old work the other day to pick up some forms that I needed for the government, they knew I was coming, and not one person came to say hi to me. Not one person talked to me. I just was given my papers and left. I gave my life to these people. I helped the company grow into what it is now. It hurt so badly. I know it's just business - and I know I have to shrug it off because in the grand scheme of life it doesn't really matter. I guess I just thought I meant more as a person, but I guess all I was was an employee, and now I'm no longer that. I have to move on. I am grateful for everything I learned about herbs, business, finances, and myself while I was there. Working there changed who I am, I wish them nothing but success.

There is a string of violence going around our house. The kids have taken on a mean streak and are hitting, punching, pushing, and kicking each other. I just can't stand it. I find I have less patience then I normally do lately, which I hate, but really, the violence needs to stop. I don't know what to do. Craftymama and I need to have a pow wow and get some parenting strategies for how to handle this.

The changes in our eating go all right. I hate many of the common vegetarian alternatives: beans, onions, mushrooms - so I'm probably having the biggest challenge. Craftymama and I differ on our beliefs. I believe humans were meant to eat meat occasionally - but produced ethically, and treated ethically while I live. The animals deserve respect, and that's what the mainstream industry doesn't give them. So I miss meat. I don't need or want it at every meal, but every once and a while it would be nice. I don't miss cows milk - I haven't liked drinking that stuff since I had K. We shall see what my family's food reality looks like in a few months when things get into more of a routine and we all find our balance.

We are talking about what our next house is going to be. Craftymama really wants to build it, and she has found this environmental way of building really heat effective houses our of straw bales. It would be interesting to build our own house. I'm not vehemently opposed to the idea. Of course, the first thing we have to do is figure out what we are doing with our current disaster of a house....

That's pretty much it for now. We aren't very exciting...

Spotlight on Craftymama

This is my stunning and breath taking partner Andrea. I wanted to include her in my spotlights because she, like the kids, is integral to my happiness, and is a vital person in my life. I wouldn't be the person I am if it weren't for her. She has helped me in so many ways, and been there with me through my struggles, and continued to love me through everything. She is an amazing woman. 

I won't post her age here, like I did for the kids, because I know she is having a bit of an identity crisis about that. She feels old, even though she is younger than myself. 

She is driven, and she is passionate. She has goals that she wants to accomplish and does everything in her power to make sure they happen. Her dreams are big and lofty but most of the time she succeeds in achieving them. 

She has found a love of renovating and restoring our house and that love surpasses her love for crafting. She used to sew or knit all the time, and was always creating things with her hands. Well, she still creates things with her hands but now they hold power tools instead of knitting needles. She has built or done pretty much all the renovation projects in our house. She is our resident handy person. 

She has a fierce love of her home, kids, and family traditions. A true Cancer she is. She would lay down her life, easily, for the kids, and attempts to make each holiday and each day special for them in some way. She is an amazing at home mom, and I honestly don't know how she manages the four kids and their schedules the way she does. 

She is my soulmate, my greatest love, and I am the luckiest person in the world to have someone as special as she is. 

Us from last night

Reno Update

So our room upstairs is coming along. Soon we will have a playroom downstairs - and that in and of itself will be life changing. I wanted to give everyone some pictures to see the progress, even if no one cares/is reading I know one day I will like to look back on this and see how far we have come.

The new (old) door. Freshly painted. I love these paneled doors!

The room with the just installed bead board and wainscoting. 

The floor sander to sand the hardwood floor. Unfortunately, with another machine we ended up burning the floor (*sad face*) so now we have to paint it a dark brown-black. 

Painted wainscoting. The bed is going in this area. 

And a quick update on the kids. There was a chicken pox scare at the school, but none of our kids got it. We were invited to a pox party, and almost went, but certain circumstances made it impossible to go for us. We are hoping that they catch it at some point to get that natural immunity. R passed his grade 1 readiness test so he is ready to move on to grade 1 next year - yay! Also, T has been having some issues with his speech so he is seeing a speech therapist and we are using the Lidcombe program with him to help with his stutter and mispronunciation with words. Hopefully this all goes smoothly and he gets back on track. Also, K is going in for a hearing test; the health authority visited the kids' classes and she didn't register at a certain decibel level so they are just doing another one to make sure she is all right.  

Sleepy T

Sibling Love!

LittleR was proud of herself. This is "what takes bad guys to jail"

Craftymama and I have renewed our love of knitting together, and so now we spend our evenings knitting and watching Pretty Little Liars. Unfortunately, we are about to catch up to what is airing on TV (and we don't have cable so we watch it via 1Channel. We need a new show for when we catch up. We have already watched Lost and Prison Break (and omg they were awesome!). Any suggestions for shows we might like. Don't say 24 - it was awful!

Spring break starts in 2 weeks, so it will be nice for the kids to get a break from school, and Craftymama will get a break from making lunches ha ha ha. I, however, will still be working which means no break for me. I miss those breaks with the kids. Soon, with going back to School and working I am nervous about what time that will take away from the kids - I already don't see them as much as I want to. Or craftymama - I miss the time we used to have together (we used to spend all day together, or most of the day when I was working part time). There is so little time in the day.

Love

I find myself being amazed and awed by Craftymama. I don't think I could do what she does day in and day out. She makes so many breakfasts, and snacks, and lunches and entertains four children all day. It is so much work and definitely a thankless job.

I realized that though my days are also hard at work - for a variety of reasons, overall it is probably harder to stay at home. Emotionally it may be harder to go to work for me because I miss my kids fiercely, but mentally it must be tougher for her to keep track of the needs and wants of all the kids.

Kudos to you Craftymama. I'm sorry if it ever seems like I don't appreciate what you do. I love you.

Blerp

M LEARNED TO RIDE HIS BIKE!!! Well mostly, he still can't figure out how to start peddling so still needs help with that.

School starts in two weeks. I am stoked. Stoked for them, and stocked for Craftymama. She made it through the summer, and I think it was memorable for her and the kids. I know it was for me.

Speaking of school...M,M,M. He still isn't fully potty trained and that's a requirement for him to start. What if he doesn't get there? We have to take him out of school this semester and hopefully start him in January. I'll feel so disappointed in myself for not being able to help him with this, even though it seems he doesn't really care either way. That's kind of been M though, he really doesn't care to help himself.

We started the boys' room this past weekend. We took down the ceiling tiles, scraped and painted the boards underneath, pick up the carpet, and demolished a closet. It was quite destructive and left us with a lot of debris. We really need to cal 1-800 got junk or something - the garage is getting full of all these materials we have ripped out. We have taken out a lot since the very first day we were here when we took off the lino on the stairs!

I'm getting more responsibility at work now, and was offered a big opportunity today. I can't say what it is, but it doesn't come without risk. However, it does come with a big payoff should all things go well. Work, lately, has been very over whelming and yet a little bit boring. I think I'm going through my 6month phase where I hate my job, or dislike it, or want to leave it every 6months or so.

Craftymama and I are doing well these days. We have both been incredibly supportive and understanding in a lot of matters and I am extremely in love with her. I've realized this week how stunning and wonderful she has been, and sometimes just can't help but stare at her. She is so amazing, and I am so lucky.

Two Years

Two years ago tonight Craftymama had a moment that changed both of our lives forever. I had been knitting my mishka (my mother) her Christmas Slippers, and then was balling the most epic ball of yarn ever; it was the size of my head. Craftymama and Glassman were msn'ing. It was a hard time for me. We had just begun our triad/quad. I had had craftymama all to myself for the better part of two years. WE talked on msn every night. Now all of a sudden I had to share that msn time with her.

On top of that I was madly in love with her. My envy of of Glassman's getting to be with here was getting overwhelming. They wanted me to fake it with Cableman, to see if it could work. No one knew how I felt about Craftymama. Each stitch, each purl my level of upset grew. My spirit was breaking. I loved her so much - more than I ever should have at that time. She had told me on a number of (drunken) occasions that she didn't like women in that sense. I had no right feeling like I did.

They finished talking and Glassman asked if I wanted to talk to her. I sat for a minute deciding what I should do. I started that conversation with the outright intent of telling Craftymama that I could support her relationship with Glassman 100% but I couldn't be her friend anymore. I couldn't be that close with her, know about her relationship with Glassman and still be okay with being friends with her. I told her I was devastated at losing her as a friend - but that it had to be done.

It was then, on her end, that something clicked. I cant describe it (though I would encourage Craftymama to write a guest post here about this). She said she loved me, and couldn't stand losing me. Within 2 minutes of this revelation we were going for a walk.

I will never forget seeing her across the intersection and how nervous I was. I wondered if I looked okay, if I would cry, or if I would hold her hand. I didn't do any of those things. I don't think we talked about much. I think we just needed that time for the knowledge of our love for each other to just exist between us. To feel it connect for the first time. It was magic.

The night of November 16th changed everything. I have often wondered what would have happened if I didn't push Craftymama to realize how she felt. I wonder where would we all be. Would I still be with Glassman and would we have another baby? Would she still be with Cableman and would she have had another baby? Would we have been pregnant together? Would our kids be going to a waldorf school still?

So many what ifs. And yet - it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter because I am with her. She has been with me for the last two years and her support has never waivered. She loves me unconditionally and makes me feel beautiful. She challenges me. She is the single most perfect woman in the world for me - and every day I wonder how I got so lucky. I love her with every piece of myself. She is funny, and kind, and nurturing, and creative, and sexy and a thousand other adjectives.

I could talk forever about her.

Point is - Its been two years now since we became an official couple. November 16th 2009 is one of the most pivotal and important days of my life.