Sleep, as I have said numerous times in numerous places, is a giant issue for me.
I feel closest to people when I sleep, I feel the most vulnerable during sleep, and I also have the purest moments of happiness (usually) when I am just waking up and am in the half asleep state.
As I said in my previous entry after spending nights on the couch that bedroom, and that bed ceased to be mine. In fact, after the very first night of me not being there it was no longer mine - all it took was one night. I'm sure this feeling was accentuated by the fact that this house still doesn't feel like mine, so anything that did feel like mine was being hung unto by a thread - threatening to break with any stress, and the stress of my and Glassman's ending relationship was certainly enough to break that one.
That bed was always the triads bed. Even though Craftymama and I shared it alone while Glassman was at school, and numerous combinations have had sex on it multiple times. We bought the bed together, it was our first big purchase. All three of us tried it out at the bed store - which was funny in and of itself.
When the triad broke up, during our break, it could no longer be the triad's bed, or at least it could no longer exist the way it used to. Given that I was the one who had broken the triad up, I was the one walking away from the bed. Further, they spent that first night together in the bed - which I believe may also have been there first night sleeping alone in a bed together. So with the triad broken, and the bed belonging to no one, it went, by default, to the first pair sleeping there.
Also, I was on the couch. In the exact same position, with S, and also with the same blanket as I had been on many nights in the past when Glassman and I used to live with Cableman and Craftymama on weekends. It was painfully familiar. So much so that it felt like home. I looked out the window and saw the same things I saw all those nights ago when the evenings would be filled with talking and crying and the mornings filled with awkwardness. It was like thats how it was meant to be. So though I hated every second of it, sleeping on the couch with S felt more like home. Thus, further solidifying the bed not being mine. When I would go in there to get dressed, I always felt I was going into someone else's room.
I am back in the bed now. But it still doesn't feel like mine. I still feel like an intruder, and I still feel like I belong on the couch. I am working on that. It will take time for me.
Its such a silly little issue. I mean, its just a bed right? Perhaps its because I put so much value in sleep, that the location of sleep becomes just as important. Either way...it is what it is.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Some End, Some Change, Some Rearrange
It's been a long time since I've updated. At first it was because nothing was new, so I had nothing to talk about, then when something giant did happen I was without a computer.
Relationships have changed.
I guess from the beginning. We tried out living with Cableman, and it worked, kind of. It worked well enough to make it a permanant situation. So we moved, into the green house - which is actually being painted yellow and red now. His presence drastically changed all relationships. Our triad lost its groove, and we all felt it. We still don't have it back. But that could be due to another relationship changing.
Glassman and I took a break. I had been realizing, over the course of longer than I think anyone (save maybe Craftymama) knows. I have been struggling with our relationship for quite some time now, and it finally got to the point where I didn't think it was fair to keep doing it any longer. We had a talk one night and I told him I wasn't sure I loved him anymore, and I thought we should take a break. He took this to mean breaking up - assumptions ftw!
Over the course of our break it was very weird. He still kissed craftymama goodbye in the morning, and was still affectionate with her. It was weird seeing my husband be affectionate with someone else while at the same time giving me the cold shoulder - why wouldn't he? I had broken his heart. We alternated who slept in the bed with Craftymama, and I didn't sleep when I was on the couch. Those were long nights. I am more dependent on her than I ever realized before this.
We talked as a group off and on during our break, and I eventually realized that I still wanted to be in a relationship with Glassman, but that it needed to be different. He needed to know the difference, at least in my mind, between relationships. And he needed to be okay with my desire to be with Craftymama on a deeper level. It didn't/doesn't take away my love for him; my love for her is just more powerful than I could have ever anticipated.
He also admitted that he hasn't been himself around me since he returned from school the first time. He has been trying to be the person I want him to be. I loathe fake people, so maybe I was able to sense this on some level.
Either way, we decided to try again. From complete scratch. I feel more comfortable to do the things I want to do, and I have stopped feeling guilty for the way I feel about Craftymama. I am hoping he has started to be himself around me, but I'm not him so I don't know. We all sleep in the same bed again. The topic of it not feeling like my room anymore is for another post, one I hope to do shortly.
So Glassman and I are starting again - this time for real. Im nervous.
I proposed to Craftymama! Hell yeah I did! It was a perfect proposal, done at a Starbucks while we were knitting one night. I have had the ring for a while but was always looking for the "right" time, when all relationships were more stable and what not. I finally decided to do it. It was a wonderfully surreal evening - oh, she said yes! Obviously. We are excitedly planning a wedding for October 9th 2011. Glassman was genuinely excited for us, and asked to walk me down the aisle - so sweet.
Cableman and Craftymama are also on a bit of a hiatus. There relationship, in her words, has always been one of convenience, and though she loves him (and he her) they don't mesh well together as partners and have to work on that in order to make something stable, loving, and awesome for the both of them. Cableman is understandably devasted by this voiced changed (Craftymama has been feeling this way for a while).
Honesty is going to go a long way in making this triad (quad?) work. In being honest in the past little while I have strengthened an already strong relationship, started anew one that is failing, and witnessed a change in another that will hopefully bring both parties some happiness.
Relationships have changed.
I guess from the beginning. We tried out living with Cableman, and it worked, kind of. It worked well enough to make it a permanant situation. So we moved, into the green house - which is actually being painted yellow and red now. His presence drastically changed all relationships. Our triad lost its groove, and we all felt it. We still don't have it back. But that could be due to another relationship changing.
Glassman and I took a break. I had been realizing, over the course of longer than I think anyone (save maybe Craftymama) knows. I have been struggling with our relationship for quite some time now, and it finally got to the point where I didn't think it was fair to keep doing it any longer. We had a talk one night and I told him I wasn't sure I loved him anymore, and I thought we should take a break. He took this to mean breaking up - assumptions ftw!
Over the course of our break it was very weird. He still kissed craftymama goodbye in the morning, and was still affectionate with her. It was weird seeing my husband be affectionate with someone else while at the same time giving me the cold shoulder - why wouldn't he? I had broken his heart. We alternated who slept in the bed with Craftymama, and I didn't sleep when I was on the couch. Those were long nights. I am more dependent on her than I ever realized before this.
We talked as a group off and on during our break, and I eventually realized that I still wanted to be in a relationship with Glassman, but that it needed to be different. He needed to know the difference, at least in my mind, between relationships. And he needed to be okay with my desire to be with Craftymama on a deeper level. It didn't/doesn't take away my love for him; my love for her is just more powerful than I could have ever anticipated.
He also admitted that he hasn't been himself around me since he returned from school the first time. He has been trying to be the person I want him to be. I loathe fake people, so maybe I was able to sense this on some level.
Either way, we decided to try again. From complete scratch. I feel more comfortable to do the things I want to do, and I have stopped feeling guilty for the way I feel about Craftymama. I am hoping he has started to be himself around me, but I'm not him so I don't know. We all sleep in the same bed again. The topic of it not feeling like my room anymore is for another post, one I hope to do shortly.
So Glassman and I are starting again - this time for real. Im nervous.
I proposed to Craftymama! Hell yeah I did! It was a perfect proposal, done at a Starbucks while we were knitting one night. I have had the ring for a while but was always looking for the "right" time, when all relationships were more stable and what not. I finally decided to do it. It was a wonderfully surreal evening - oh, she said yes! Obviously. We are excitedly planning a wedding for October 9th 2011. Glassman was genuinely excited for us, and asked to walk me down the aisle - so sweet.
Cableman and Craftymama are also on a bit of a hiatus. There relationship, in her words, has always been one of convenience, and though she loves him (and he her) they don't mesh well together as partners and have to work on that in order to make something stable, loving, and awesome for the both of them. Cableman is understandably devasted by this voiced changed (Craftymama has been feeling this way for a while).
Honesty is going to go a long way in making this triad (quad?) work. In being honest in the past little while I have strengthened an already strong relationship, started anew one that is failing, and witnessed a change in another that will hopefully bring both parties some happiness.
Monday, June 28, 2010
We have reached an agreement. It hasn't been tested yet, but its in place.
Sex is a larger issue in a poly relationship. There simply isn't enough time in the day to have all the sex you want or need to have. There are too many feelings that could potentially be negative. Its easier, in theory, to have these things spoken.
Given that our triad sex life is failing, and our couple sex life is failing - we have decided to have a non schedule of sorts. First we thought of the idea of having a schedule, but that had far too many complications, and well, to be honest, I didn't like the idea. If I didnt want sex with Glassman on my scheduled Tuesday night, did I have to wait until next Tuesday?, for example.
So we have a deal. The deal is that each configuration will have sex at least once a week. Everyone knows its coming, everyone can expect it happening - so there are no surprises. No one has to wonder when they are getting sex again with a specific person. The standing rule of the 3rd person can join applies only after the first time that couple has had sex. It cannot be done at an inconvenient time (like close to usual bedtime, or sticking one person with 4 kids while they are being buts).
I am excited, and nervous, and glad that something has been worked out, and is being implemented. I'm also excited for sex - I haven't had nearly enough of it.
Sex is a larger issue in a poly relationship. There simply isn't enough time in the day to have all the sex you want or need to have. There are too many feelings that could potentially be negative. Its easier, in theory, to have these things spoken.
Given that our triad sex life is failing, and our couple sex life is failing - we have decided to have a non schedule of sorts. First we thought of the idea of having a schedule, but that had far too many complications, and well, to be honest, I didn't like the idea. If I didnt want sex with Glassman on my scheduled Tuesday night, did I have to wait until next Tuesday?, for example.
So we have a deal. The deal is that each configuration will have sex at least once a week. Everyone knows its coming, everyone can expect it happening - so there are no surprises. No one has to wonder when they are getting sex again with a specific person. The standing rule of the 3rd person can join applies only after the first time that couple has had sex. It cannot be done at an inconvenient time (like close to usual bedtime, or sticking one person with 4 kids while they are being buts).
I am excited, and nervous, and glad that something has been worked out, and is being implemented. I'm also excited for sex - I haven't had nearly enough of it.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
A Week of Discovery
This has been a week of self discovery for me.
I'm realizing Im a hypocrite sometimes. With our open sharing policy, we are supposed to say what is up. I'm not purposefully not sharing, Im just used to figuring my issue out first and then sharing. This isn't fair to the group. No time was this more cleae to me then after we decided where we are moving to. I was something and quiet and distant all day. I think it was the first time Craftymama has been angry with me: if I'm reading her right. It was hard seeing her angry, and knowing it was directed at me. I have to start sharing even if I haven't figured everything out yet. I'm used to being independent, and just doing things - but that's not as possible in this type of relationship.
I want another baby: I knew this already, but this week made me realize that I'm not having one for a good long time. Further, I don't think I will be the next female to have one - which is fine. But with S's birthday (today actually!), and remembering her labour and birth ( story found here ), I'm really sad at the thought that another pregnancry, birth, and baby aren't in my near future. But, what surprises me is how genuinely excited I am about Craftymama having a baby. I'm stoked about experiencing that side of things, and being there for her, and supporting her, and all those things that come along with it.
Glassman is a lot more intelligent, patient, and communicative than I ever thought. Having Cableman to compare him to makes me realize how much he has grown as a person. I don't feel guilty for my impatience with him in the past, everything is subjective afterall, but I am glad that I am able to appreciate him now. Having actualy life related conversations where he is involved isn't as frustrating as it used to be. Unless its his issue that he is sharing, that is still an issue of frustration with me.
I'm loving the boys more and more as actual kids: especially R. I haven't felt like we had connected on that actual parental/child basis: but the snuggles I have gotten on the couch, and even his demeanour with me is changing recently. I love the relationship we are building!
On a poly related note:
The 3-person triad is currently struggling. We are having some issues, but no one can really pinpoint what they are, so we aren't talking about them. I miss the days where I felt completely comfortable around them. When sitting in bed watching Roseanne was completely relaxing. I need to know where the tension is coming from.
I'm realizing Im a hypocrite sometimes. With our open sharing policy, we are supposed to say what is up. I'm not purposefully not sharing, Im just used to figuring my issue out first and then sharing. This isn't fair to the group. No time was this more cleae to me then after we decided where we are moving to. I was something and quiet and distant all day. I think it was the first time Craftymama has been angry with me: if I'm reading her right. It was hard seeing her angry, and knowing it was directed at me. I have to start sharing even if I haven't figured everything out yet. I'm used to being independent, and just doing things - but that's not as possible in this type of relationship.
I want another baby: I knew this already, but this week made me realize that I'm not having one for a good long time. Further, I don't think I will be the next female to have one - which is fine. But with S's birthday (today actually!), and remembering her labour and birth ( story found here ), I'm really sad at the thought that another pregnancry, birth, and baby aren't in my near future. But, what surprises me is how genuinely excited I am about Craftymama having a baby. I'm stoked about experiencing that side of things, and being there for her, and supporting her, and all those things that come along with it.
Glassman is a lot more intelligent, patient, and communicative than I ever thought. Having Cableman to compare him to makes me realize how much he has grown as a person. I don't feel guilty for my impatience with him in the past, everything is subjective afterall, but I am glad that I am able to appreciate him now. Having actualy life related conversations where he is involved isn't as frustrating as it used to be. Unless its his issue that he is sharing, that is still an issue of frustration with me.
I'm loving the boys more and more as actual kids: especially R. I haven't felt like we had connected on that actual parental/child basis: but the snuggles I have gotten on the couch, and even his demeanour with me is changing recently. I love the relationship we are building!
On a poly related note:
The 3-person triad is currently struggling. We are having some issues, but no one can really pinpoint what they are, so we aren't talking about them. I miss the days where I felt completely comfortable around them. When sitting in bed watching Roseanne was completely relaxing. I need to know where the tension is coming from.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Something Old is Refurbished - Maybe
Craftymama is currently sitting beside me typing out her journal from when she was 13. This is connected to an old relationship coming back into her life. One that she started about 8 years ago, long distance, and that neither party wanted to end. This relationship was the one that got away. He is the one she talks about most, the one she still misses. They recently connected again on facebook and have been talking, I shall refer to him as FirstLove. Why is this important?
He is the one person that intimidates me; because of all the aforementioned things.
I have felt intimidated before - but it was of a different nature. I had penis envy - to be blunt. How can someone, who never thought they could be attracted to a woman sexually, all of a sudden actually want and crave sex with a woman - would I not always be compared to that. How could I provide the same kind of experience as a man who has an appendage specifically created for sex. The answer was I couldnt - and that was okay. Sex with me is different - and I am no longer intimidated by a penis. I've also felt intimidated by Craftymama - as she has brought so much extra to our lives, and has taught us both so much, that I often wondered what I brought to the table - other than the willingness to learn. I have gotten over that as well - as I have realized what I bring.
But this relationship, this connection between Craftymama and FirstLove, scares me. The first person I loved was Glassman. I know what that feeling is like. I know that feeling is one of the reasons I was unable to let go of him, pursued him, and always knew I would be with. I always knew we had a connection, even from the time we were young teens. Craftymama was 15 when she fell in love with FirstLove - same age I was with Glassman. She fell in love with him before she had even thought about - let alone believed in, nonmonagamy. FirstLove knows about our situation and is accepting, they haven't even gotten near the topic of being in a relationship again - but I know she wants it.
I actually quite like that they are reconnecting. It will either give her a chance to have some closure on their relationship - in a non sad way. Or it will allow her to experience happiness with FirstLove and she will feel more complete. Both things overjoy me.
I know its an issue of security for me. I know logically that she now believes in polyamory, loves me completely, loves Glassman, and its completely unreasonable to think she would decide she wants to move to the States (which is where he lives) - yet all of those things have been in my mind.
As a competitive person its hard not to feel some competition with him. He was her first love, I was her first love with a woman. If they do enter into a long distance relationship again part of me wants to meet him or talk to him - so that my mind doesn't villify him, or so that I can see them interact and be assured that way.
My mind works fast - they have only been talking for a matter of days. Who knows where this is all going - if anywhere. But I can't deny that I'm a little surprised at my feelings, and kind just want to deal with them, and get back to my happy and settled life (wait, did I ever have that?)
He is the one person that intimidates me; because of all the aforementioned things.
I have felt intimidated before - but it was of a different nature. I had penis envy - to be blunt. How can someone, who never thought they could be attracted to a woman sexually, all of a sudden actually want and crave sex with a woman - would I not always be compared to that. How could I provide the same kind of experience as a man who has an appendage specifically created for sex. The answer was I couldnt - and that was okay. Sex with me is different - and I am no longer intimidated by a penis. I've also felt intimidated by Craftymama - as she has brought so much extra to our lives, and has taught us both so much, that I often wondered what I brought to the table - other than the willingness to learn. I have gotten over that as well - as I have realized what I bring.
But this relationship, this connection between Craftymama and FirstLove, scares me. The first person I loved was Glassman. I know what that feeling is like. I know that feeling is one of the reasons I was unable to let go of him, pursued him, and always knew I would be with. I always knew we had a connection, even from the time we were young teens. Craftymama was 15 when she fell in love with FirstLove - same age I was with Glassman. She fell in love with him before she had even thought about - let alone believed in, nonmonagamy. FirstLove knows about our situation and is accepting, they haven't even gotten near the topic of being in a relationship again - but I know she wants it.
I actually quite like that they are reconnecting. It will either give her a chance to have some closure on their relationship - in a non sad way. Or it will allow her to experience happiness with FirstLove and she will feel more complete. Both things overjoy me.
I know its an issue of security for me. I know logically that she now believes in polyamory, loves me completely, loves Glassman, and its completely unreasonable to think she would decide she wants to move to the States (which is where he lives) - yet all of those things have been in my mind.
As a competitive person its hard not to feel some competition with him. He was her first love, I was her first love with a woman. If they do enter into a long distance relationship again part of me wants to meet him or talk to him - so that my mind doesn't villify him, or so that I can see them interact and be assured that way.
My mind works fast - they have only been talking for a matter of days. Who knows where this is all going - if anywhere. But I can't deny that I'm a little surprised at my feelings, and kind just want to deal with them, and get back to my happy and settled life (wait, did I ever have that?)
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
All About Sex
Sex is a much bigger topic or issue in a poly relationship. There are more opportunities for hurt feelings, more opportunities for sex, and more people to learn how to please. It's exciting and challenging.
For me, sex is a whole new world. I had had a lot of sex before, numerous partners, and I was skilled in the way of pleasing a man. However, I didn't actually enjoy it. I did it because it's what you do, and I liked making other people feel good.
Before entering into a poly relationship, Craftymama and I had talked about sex a lot. Both in comparing Cableman and Glassman - in a comparing husband's sort of way - this was before we had engaged in sex with each others husbands. And she had expressed great sadness in my lack of enjoyment of it - as she had no issues expressing her love of sex.
Having sex with Craftymama for the first time, and every time after that, completely opened my eyes. Maybe it took a brand new experience, with someone of the same sex, or maybe it was the finally aspect of being with her as I had wanted to for so long, perhaps it was how well she knew me already so she could read my subtle clues - or maybe it was all of the above. But I have never enjoyed sex as much as I do since being with her. Because of her, I'm even enjoying sex with Glassman. It's all even new with him, though I've been with him for years.
I'm learning and accepting that I actually love sex, actually want it, and its okay (good even) to feel pleasure myself. However, I get very focussed. If I am desperately wanting sex with Craftymama, for example, sex with the both of them or just with Glassman won't be as good as I know it can be, until I get my chance with her. It's still good, but it's not what I really want. It's like when you really want cake, but you only have cookies - the cookies are delicious, but it wasn't the delicious chocolatey cake you were really craving. I'm not sure if that trait of mine will ever go away, and I think I'm okay with that.
There are also issues that have come up that none of us has faced before. Just last night Glassman was saying that he is used to being the one to determine when sex is done - he orgasms. He spoke of an instance when he finished but the two of us were still fingering eachother - what is he supposed to do? Obviously, I said, we shouldn't have to stop. But does he leave? Does he watch? Does he just lay back in post sex bliss?
There is also the issue of what happens when one person is doing something to another that they don't like, and the third person knows it. How do they stop it? Should the third person be expected to encourage the "offending" person out of said act, should the one being offended be expected to say something and potentially ruining the mood for everyone? What should be done in those situations? I think, for this one, communication is the key - so we can avoid them all together. But there is communicating, and then actually applying that communication to sex. I can't count the number of times I've expressed things I don't like, and it still keeps happening - it's like during sex, simple things are forgotten. How do we help eachother have the most enjoyable experience possible?
The last issue on my mind is one of orgasms - male one's to be percise. Do they have to happen in order for a man to enjoy the experience? Is it just that men learn that that's what has to happen? I know, for myself, that I don't need to (and I very infrequently do) orgasm during most sex, but I still enjoy it; it still feels good. Can the same apply for a man? I'm not a man so I don't know the answers to these questions - perhaps some googling is in order.
For me, sex is a whole new world. I had had a lot of sex before, numerous partners, and I was skilled in the way of pleasing a man. However, I didn't actually enjoy it. I did it because it's what you do, and I liked making other people feel good.
Before entering into a poly relationship, Craftymama and I had talked about sex a lot. Both in comparing Cableman and Glassman - in a comparing husband's sort of way - this was before we had engaged in sex with each others husbands. And she had expressed great sadness in my lack of enjoyment of it - as she had no issues expressing her love of sex.
Having sex with Craftymama for the first time, and every time after that, completely opened my eyes. Maybe it took a brand new experience, with someone of the same sex, or maybe it was the finally aspect of being with her as I had wanted to for so long, perhaps it was how well she knew me already so she could read my subtle clues - or maybe it was all of the above. But I have never enjoyed sex as much as I do since being with her. Because of her, I'm even enjoying sex with Glassman. It's all even new with him, though I've been with him for years.
I'm learning and accepting that I actually love sex, actually want it, and its okay (good even) to feel pleasure myself. However, I get very focussed. If I am desperately wanting sex with Craftymama, for example, sex with the both of them or just with Glassman won't be as good as I know it can be, until I get my chance with her. It's still good, but it's not what I really want. It's like when you really want cake, but you only have cookies - the cookies are delicious, but it wasn't the delicious chocolatey cake you were really craving. I'm not sure if that trait of mine will ever go away, and I think I'm okay with that.
There are also issues that have come up that none of us has faced before. Just last night Glassman was saying that he is used to being the one to determine when sex is done - he orgasms. He spoke of an instance when he finished but the two of us were still fingering eachother - what is he supposed to do? Obviously, I said, we shouldn't have to stop. But does he leave? Does he watch? Does he just lay back in post sex bliss?
There is also the issue of what happens when one person is doing something to another that they don't like, and the third person knows it. How do they stop it? Should the third person be expected to encourage the "offending" person out of said act, should the one being offended be expected to say something and potentially ruining the mood for everyone? What should be done in those situations? I think, for this one, communication is the key - so we can avoid them all together. But there is communicating, and then actually applying that communication to sex. I can't count the number of times I've expressed things I don't like, and it still keeps happening - it's like during sex, simple things are forgotten. How do we help eachother have the most enjoyable experience possible?
The last issue on my mind is one of orgasms - male one's to be percise. Do they have to happen in order for a man to enjoy the experience? Is it just that men learn that that's what has to happen? I know, for myself, that I don't need to (and I very infrequently do) orgasm during most sex, but I still enjoy it; it still feels good. Can the same apply for a man? I'm not a man so I don't know the answers to these questions - perhaps some googling is in order.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Looking Back
Sometimes I think we rushed into this a little bit too fast.
At the time the decision to have Craftymama live with us, and to move, and to combine families seemed like the only decision that could be made. I do believe that given the information we had at that time it was the only decision, but looking back now (hindsight is 20/20 afterall), I'm wondering if maybe it all happened too fast.
Now with the idea/option of moving again, I think we are rushing into another decision, only this time - we have more information.
We aren't ready to live with Cableman, and frankly, he isn't ready to live with us. We can't move to a place that the 3 of us can't afford without Cableman only to have it be decided that we can no longer afford to live there when it doesn't work out.
Cableman is at a completely different place mentally than the rest of us. He processes things differently, is never sure of things, and is used to the life he leads. He is used to having things be worked out for him, to not have to be an adult, to being able to go out with his friends whenever he wants, spend as much money as he wants.
He is going to be required to be much more of an adult. He has to communicate with us. We can't always be having the same conversations. I refuse to take care of him like another child, and I further refuse to let him spend money left,right, and center just because he wants something.
He isn't ready for us, and we aren't ready for him.
At the time the decision to have Craftymama live with us, and to move, and to combine families seemed like the only decision that could be made. I do believe that given the information we had at that time it was the only decision, but looking back now (hindsight is 20/20 afterall), I'm wondering if maybe it all happened too fast.
Now with the idea/option of moving again, I think we are rushing into another decision, only this time - we have more information.
We aren't ready to live with Cableman, and frankly, he isn't ready to live with us. We can't move to a place that the 3 of us can't afford without Cableman only to have it be decided that we can no longer afford to live there when it doesn't work out.
Cableman is at a completely different place mentally than the rest of us. He processes things differently, is never sure of things, and is used to the life he leads. He is used to having things be worked out for him, to not have to be an adult, to being able to go out with his friends whenever he wants, spend as much money as he wants.
He is going to be required to be much more of an adult. He has to communicate with us. We can't always be having the same conversations. I refuse to take care of him like another child, and I further refuse to let him spend money left,right, and center just because he wants something.
He isn't ready for us, and we aren't ready for him.
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