All About Sex

Sex is a much bigger topic or issue in a poly relationship. There are more opportunities for hurt feelings, more opportunities for sex, and more people to learn how to please. It's exciting and challenging.

For me, sex is a whole new world. I had had a lot of sex before, numerous partners, and I was skilled in the way of pleasing a man. However, I didn't actually enjoy it. I did it because it's what you do, and I liked making other people feel good.

Before entering into a poly relationship, Craftymama and I had talked about sex a lot. Both in comparing Cableman and Glassman - in a comparing husband's sort of way - this was before we had engaged in sex with each others husbands. And she had expressed great sadness in my lack of enjoyment of it - as she had no issues expressing her love of sex.

Having sex with Craftymama for the first time, and every time after that, completely opened my eyes. Maybe it took a brand new experience, with someone of the same sex, or maybe it was the finally aspect of being with her as I had wanted to for so long, perhaps it was how well she knew me already so she could read my subtle clues - or maybe it was all of the above. But I have never enjoyed sex as much as I do since being with her. Because of her, I'm even enjoying sex with Glassman. It's all even new with him, though I've been with him for years.

I'm learning and accepting that I actually love sex, actually want it, and its okay (good even) to feel pleasure myself. However, I get very focussed. If I am desperately wanting sex with Craftymama, for example, sex with the both of them or just with Glassman won't be as good as I know it can be, until I get my chance with her. It's still good, but it's not what I really want. It's like when you really want cake, but you only have cookies - the cookies are delicious, but it wasn't the delicious chocolatey cake you were really craving. I'm not sure if that trait of mine will ever go away, and I think I'm okay with that.

There are also issues that have come up that none of us has faced before. Just last night Glassman was saying that he is used to being the one to determine when sex is done - he orgasms. He spoke of an instance when he finished but the two of us were still fingering eachother - what is he supposed to do? Obviously, I said, we shouldn't have to stop. But does he leave? Does he watch? Does he just lay back in post sex bliss?

There is also the issue of what happens when one person is doing something to another that they don't like, and the third person knows it. How do they stop it? Should the third person be expected to encourage the "offending" person out of said act, should the one being offended be expected to say something and potentially ruining the mood for everyone? What should be done in those situations? I think, for this one, communication is the key - so we can avoid them all together. But there is communicating, and then actually applying that communication to sex. I can't count the number of times I've expressed things I don't like, and it still keeps happening - it's like during sex, simple things are forgotten. How do we help eachother have the most enjoyable experience possible?

The last issue on my mind is one of orgasms - male one's to be percise. Do they have to happen in order for a man to enjoy the experience? Is it just that men learn that that's what has to happen? I know, for myself, that I don't need to (and I very infrequently do) orgasm during most sex, but I still enjoy it; it still feels good. Can the same apply for a man? I'm not a man so I don't know the answers to these questions - perhaps some googling is in order.