We are all human. We all have flaws. I have many.
Last entry I was talking about needing to find a new career path, a new calling. My hand has been forced. I wish not to get into the details, those are for other spaces of mine. But, we all know I am bipolar, and we all know I struggle. I have been struggling, and it caught up with me - in a major way. I had a meeting on Wednesday, and at that meeting it was strongly encouraged that I take a medical leave "until i get my shit together." I am without work. I am without a job. I am without a way to support my family.
The shock of this has not worn off in the last 3 days. Yesterday I picked up my box of belongings that had accumulated. 4 years - one box. As I said last entry, I have been with that company since before it was born, it has been built partially on my back and because of my hard work. We are just about to enter into a huge growth spurt - we have signed cheques from investors in both Canada and the United States. We are starting our build-out to comply with Canadian Regulations. This is what we have been working for for 4 years - and I am no longer a part of it. I am welcomed to come back when my shit is together, they want me to come back. But it's not the same, it will never be same.
I have no idea what we are going to do, or how we are going to survive this. I have applied for the benefits I am entitled to, but, I don't know.
I have failed in my role in the family. I have failed myself. I have let people down. This is a rough spot for our family. Things need to be revisited, plans need to be made, and we need to move forward - somehow.
You are never too old, too sick, or too tired to start again from scratch.
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