It continues

I applied for a job at London Drugs not too long ago and was totally confident I'd get it - I didn't. It paid twice as much as this job does and there is a location in Duncan. I was super stoked to potentially be working so close to home. I'd get to see the kids more - it would have been awesome all around.

I am still working at Malaspina Herbs, and my commission has increased (from .75% to 3%) so it's quite a jump. Quite well appreciated on my end. We have a small debt ($750) to pay off, and I'll use my commission for that - but once it's paid off the extra income will be well worthwhile

Because...

More renos of course!

On the agenda are:
- Kitchen floors ($250 for the ones we like)
- Kitchen back splash ($250)
- Kitchen Counters ($$??)
- Over the stove range/hood ($$??)
- Kitchen wall paint ($50)
- Bathroom re-plumping ($$??)
- new tub ($400)
- new vanity ($$??)
- Bathroom walls paint ($75)
- Landscaping ($400)
- Paint for the whole house ($200)
- Some sort of non single pane windows for the whole house ($2000 I think)
- Taking out the bathroom/wall in girls' room ($$??)
- Refinishing all floors ($$??)
- Electrical work (updating board, putting anchor in house)

That list is so not exhaustive. But..its still a lot. Doesn't seem to unmanageable, and I have no doubt that we will be able to pull it all off. Eventually. We will be there for years to come so it's not like a huge rush, I just know there are others in the home who are impatient.

Craftymama and I have been continuing to go through some rough patches - we are both emotionally vulnerable for very similar and very different reasons. It's very trying at times. She is also becoming increasingly insecure about Glassman and my relationship. Having known each other for so long, and always having a bit of a weird relationship - I'm sure it can be intimidating. We make great friends, and I am happy to consider him one of my friends - but I don't think about him romantically. It was so freeing when I released him as a partner and embraced him as a friend. I recognize that Craftymama can't see that change, so I hope one day she trusts me enough to believe me.

Glassman continues his want to be a police officer which would take him away to Vancouver 4 days a week. This would be a nice change for Craftymama and I. (Though I may need to change his name to Legaldad or something ha ha ha). It would give Craftymama and I some relationship time together - we are hard pressed for alone time between the kids and always having a room mate home.

Things on the HWB front have calmed. She is still crazy but mostly keeps the crazy to trying to get her kid back, whom Cableman has all but forgotten about these days it seems. It's wonderful to partially close that baby-mama-daddy drama chapter of our lives. The story will never end completely, but it's not the forefront anymore.

Life keeps plugging along in our backwards kind of life. But its working, and the kinks are slowly but surely being figured out.

The Process

So we continue our process of renovating our house. Glassman and Craftymama took out a wall in the bathroom, and took out the old toilet and then we spent the next 8 hours installing the new one and building a wall. It was a long process but we have a new wall and a toilet and we did it all ourselves. Its not perfect, but it's gonna work. A full bathroom reno is in the future as well.

I'm impressed with the rate of progress. Craftymama wants to go faster, and Glassman - well I'm not sure he cares either way, but that's part of his personality.

Owning and renovating your own house is fun and stressful and a lot of work. But in the end, it will be worth it.

I have also been getting myself more informed or knowledgeable of the LGBT community. I joined a group on facebook, and have been reading and what not. I guess before I never felt like I fit into that crowd, but I'm realizing that both to myself and to others - I am currently in a lesbian relationship, and thus I do fit in, and should know what's going on.

I didn't realize how many people were still homophobic. I find myself angered at the things that are still unequal, and angered at how different it still is. I don't know. I am both excited and nervous about displaying my true colours, not that it really changes who I am, but maybe by completely embracing it I will feel more comfortable with it.

This entry was all over the place. But..it is what it is.

Go Team...?

So..we bought an old house. Craftymama fell in love with the oldness of it and getting to reno it, I fell in love with it being so different than most houses and Glassman is just along for the ride. Problem with an old house is that they need, usually, a lot of work and an owner who has both time and money to deal with it.

Time AND money..I don't feel I have one of those things, let alone both of those things.

But Craftymama and Glassman they like to tear shit down, and just get 'er done. To my surprise, I am quite hesitant to do that kind of stuff - especially right after the move, right before Christmas. I think my hesitation is annoying to them.

They want to rip up floors replace toilets, take out dishwashers and closet doors, paint all the things, and Glassman wants to put a new heater core in his car at the same time so I stop bitching about the heat in the mornings on the way to work.

Me, I like slow and steady. I like being prepared. Who knows what we're going to discover when we rip things apart. For example:

1) We took up the lino on the stairs the day after we moved in. Nothing major revealed. Just nice wood floors that need paint. Thats a slight risk. Craftymama and I did this by ourselves. Glassman did come in and nail down all the left over nails.

2) We put a door back on the on back porch. no risk. Craftymama and I did this one. No men required!

3) Craftymama is painting all the things. Moderate risk, but only insomuch as the kids can be occupied. There really isn't extra cost to this which is nice.

4) Removal of island. slight risk. We didn't know how we would function without that counter space or what was under that floor.

5) Change toilets to get in on the duncan toilet rebate program. moderate-high risk. We have now gotten ourselves into a corner with this one. We need a 10" rough in but none of the toilets out there that are 10" meet the duncan requirements. So we need to take out a little 1" wall that extends out right behind the toilet. Then we can get a 12" rough in toilet. I broke the laminate, and there is water damage behind there. In theory drywall isn't hard...but still..it's much more of a task then simply changing out a toilet. Craftymama and Glassman are vibrating with excitement over getting to demolish a wall. I'll be sure to take pictures.

6) Removal of dishwasher. moderate risk. I am also positive there is water damage under the floor - and I don't wanna deal with that shit yet. But the kids keep touching buttons and it is quite the eye sore.

Reno's are stressful yo!

Us3 - redux

So we moved, and I was reminded, again - of how well the three of us work together. However, learning this has come at a price..one I didn't realize before.

The three of us work so excellently together - at least in the logistical stance. We are able to move efficiently and handle high stress situations better than most groups of people. We were up for over 22hrs together, and managed to calm our tempers for the most part. Glassman and I moved shit, Andrea organized. We each had meltdowns over something: Craftymama over leaving her green house, Glassman over a license plate and working the next day, and me over my shear exhaustion. But we did it, and we didn't kill each other.

However, that brought out some insecurity in Craftmama, who sees me and Glassman so comfortable with each other that sometimes she thinks that I would rather be with him than her. I can understand that fear. I used to have it with Cableman and her. It's true for the both of us, if we could go back in time and not have "life" happen than our lives would be easier with our still legal husbands. That doesn't mean I want it. Glassman and I will always be comfortable around each other, we have known each other too long to not be - but she makes me feel so incredible and so loved that I would want to be with no one but her. Glassman can make me laugh, he can make anyone laugh - but she makes me feel safe, and just wonderful - and she makes me laugh too.

I know how to feels though to see someone you love so much be so comfortable with someone else - its intimidating. I had it with FirstLove and Craftymama. It's hard. It requires so much trust and faith in the relationship and we all falter - this was just her turn I guess.

I hope I am able to restore her faith in us, just as she was able to with me.

Us 3

So I think I have posted before, when the three of us we're together, how we all manage to support each other, and how it's nice to have two people to fall back on..

So today..I got into a car accident. I swear the light was green, but whats done is done. I will now have a ticket for running the red light, the cost of the van, and my insurance will go up. I am so flipping angry at myself. Oh yeah, did I mention we are moving tomorrow?

Craftymama, who I thought would be so overwhelmed with my accident that she would shut down, was immediately supportive and comforting. Glassman, who I thought would be nothing but angry, asked if I was okay - that was the first thing he said. He didn't really care - what happens it happens, "meh" he says.

I am more than surprised at their reactions. They are better people than I, I think I would be upset or angry, and maybe they are but they know the proper response is to not be, because I didn't do it on purpose, it wasn't intentional. But maybe that's what I needed, maybe I needed something crappy to happen to be reminded of how awesome these people I have in my life are. But I didn't think I needed reminding. Maybe I needed reminding that we can still work together in some fashion even though we aren't in a relationship.

It's been so "us" and "him" lately. But really, the three of us still live under the same roof. Still parent together, still function together - so we do still have to operate as a team.

Or maybe I'm reading more into this than I should. Maybe most people are just good, I'm just a crappier person for thinking I'd be angry. I mean, when they joked about getting a speeding ticket - I did have to swallow rage.

IDK...accidents suck. Accidents with cop cars are just cruel..cause really..its a flipping cop car.

A New Space

So our house has enough bedrooms for everyone. I'm decorating the boys' room, Craftymama is doing the girls' room. The bathroom downstairs is being done together. As is the kitchen. Glassman's room is also upstairs. Our dining room is huge and will be a part play area for the kids, and the living room is awesome - but needs some work. But there are these 2.5 other rooms in the house. One room is off the kitchen, almost like an eating nook - its painted an awesome yellow that I love. Then there is like a mini room off that room where the furnace is. The third room is a little room upstairs at the end of the hall with a smaller door and slanted ceilings.

The kids need lots of room to play - we know this. It'd be nice to have a place that was Craftymama and I. To sew, to do school, to paint, to have a space. As much as I REALLY REALLY want that room upstairs, I think it makes the most sense for that to be the kids's main play area. With books and pillows, and playsilks, and softer toys that go with the darkened space. They will also have a play kitchen somewhere as well.

So that leaves the little room downstairs. There are also two sheds out in the garden that could be for the kids too.

Idk..this post is very rambly, but as we approach moving day I'm trying to get a feel of what goes where. I'd like to have an adult space, and I think there is room for it - its just a question of logistics.

Moving day is coming. A house of our own to decorate, and fight over, and do anything we want with. Its exciting - when its not overwhelming.

Pseudo Dad - Redux

So..There is another girl who works in my warehouse now. We shall call her Stonerchic. Stonerchic drives a minivan, has two kids (I think...she has at least one). She drops her kids off at care during the day. She is kinda of hippie, likes to get stoned, and is way beyond super organized. I don't like or dislike her. She is a woman, so I am naturally distrusting. However, the point is there is another mom working here. I asked my coworker, we will call him gingerkid, as opposed to my boss who shall be called EgoScientist. Gingerkid is the one who called me a pseudo dad not too long ago. I asked him if Stonerchic was a pseudo dad as well.

He says: No

Apparently the mere act of working and not taking care of your kids during the day does not make you more a mom than a dad - which is what I thought it meant. He says I am just as much of a mom as stonerchic - *cue inner excitement at not losing my mom status*. I ask what makes me a pseudo dad.

He tells me its because of Craftymama, because of our relationship. Stonerchic is I believe I single mom, but she is no where near a pseudo dad - because she is the mom - there is no other mom.

Now, the rest of this I am inferring. So in his little ginger head, gingerkid believes that homes have moms and dads - and that's that. To be honest - I think its about 60% now have moms and dads - most are divorced, some are same sexed. But that fact that's its historical and still the majority means that anything that falls outside that standardized norm, must somehow be made to fit. So..since the majority of families have a mom and dad who are together...how does my family fit into that. Its easy in our case. Craftymama stays home - I go to work.

It wouldn't matter how many sweaters I knit, or how many meals I slave over, or how many stories I read - to the eyes of most people in society the simple fact that I go to work to support my family makes me the dad. I feel like a failure even with that label because I don't make enough to support our family, we do rely on the men.

So at least now I know its not just because I work that I'm the pseudo dad - its because there is the stay at home parent. Apparently, homes have a mom and a dad and that's it.

I want my kids to grow up believing that families can have many styles and there isn't one normal, one standard. I don't want M one day to tell his coworker that she's a pseudo dad.

Labels hurt - and I didn't really realize it until lately.