J's Birthday! and Update

J in his birthday crown

J is one today. He has been with our family for a whole year now. It seems insane. I keep thinking about where our family was last year at this time, and how things were, and it's so difference. My what a difference a year makes!

J is almost walking, he can do it, I just don't think it's fast enough for him - when he wants to be somewhere else, he wants to be there now. He loves beans and chick peas, which is why we had chilli for dinner. Thankfully, he also absolutely adores muffins, which is what we traditionally have on first birthdays. Craftymama's parents came for the mini celebration which was nice. I wish we could have all the family together for something, but I can't actually remember if and when that has ever happened for us. Christmas is coming soon, and I guess we need to start thinking about and planning that.

I had a second interview at a paint place to be an office assistant and a bookkeeper. I think it went pretty well. I feel qualified for the job, and feel I would be a good match energy wise for the company - it's whether or not they feel the same. I was told today it is between myself and one other applicant. I should find out whether or not I got the job on Wednesday. It would be so nice not to have to stress about finances so damn much. It would also be a little exciting to do sales again. I do like talking to people and designing marketing campaigns and what not.

We went to the new house yesterday and I finally got to meet the owner. He is quite nice. He still doesn't have all of his stuff moved out or away yet, so we offered to help a bit which he gladly took us up on. We have to figure out who is sleeping where, and there is some debate about that. We also have to figure out what furniture we're bringing and what we are selling as it comes partially furnished. Craftymama and glassman want to move this Saturday - that seems so close. I don't feel prepared at all for this move. I don't think any of us do really.

I've been speaking with SisterE a bit over the past few days, and even saw my mom on Saturday while I was in Nanaimo. I want to reconcile with the both of them - I really do. But what I need is to feel that they actually realize that they said some hurtful things both directly to me and my family and to others that found its way back to us. Things like calling us stupid for having J, or saying they only want a relationship with some of my kids etc. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone says things or makes judgements that turn out to be wrong or that we regret. When it comes to family though it's important to admit to those mistakes. I was hurt by some of their words. I want to move forward, but they need to admit some fault as well here.

My mental health hasn't been all that great lately. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist and am doing some invasive treatment again as well as starting some new medications that should hopefully help. I really think getting a stable, good job would really help as well so that I could feel like I was contributing to the household, and so we aren't so worried about finances. I am constantly thankful that I have craftymama (and now glassman again) to help support me and hold me when I need it. I don't know how I'd manage without them.

All of my beautiful children