Sometimes it's important to just exist in the moment. Let your thoughts be captivated with what is going on in the here and now, instead of analyzing what things mean. I'm getting better at that - and it has taken a lot of practice. Tonight I am going to bed with a feeling I can't put my finger on.
Also - didn't go to the gym today. But, did go out for drinks with Craftymama and her friends. So..uhh...balance?
Sunday, August 27, 2017
Friday, August 25, 2017
Fail.
Made a goal and a plan to go to the gym I want to join today to check it out. Had the longest day at work where all of the things needed to get done, they did not all get done - and I was mentally exhausted. Still - going to the gym.
Get home late and spent time with kidlets - because I miss them and memories and all that sappy shit. Lego makes me tired, who knows why. Still - going to the gym.
Get up to go to the gym - am reminded it is my turn to do dishes. Dishes make me cranky on a good day, and this one was already super long and mentally draining.
Fuck it - not going to the gym. Also - not eating because I didn't go to th gym.
This is why I don't make goals.
Going to the gym tomorrow though.
Get home late and spent time with kidlets - because I miss them and memories and all that sappy shit. Lego makes me tired, who knows why. Still - going to the gym.
Get up to go to the gym - am reminded it is my turn to do dishes. Dishes make me cranky on a good day, and this one was already super long and mentally draining.
Fuck it - not going to the gym. Also - not eating because I didn't go to th gym.
This is why I don't make goals.
Going to the gym tomorrow though.
Just a Good Day
Today I had the day off of work. Craftymama had a meeting with a blossoming Women's Health Centre she is hoping to partner up with as a Doula, and the kids had their final swimming lesson so I stayed home to take them, and watch them while she was at her meeting.
It just felt like a really relaxing family day. Yes, there were the crazy moments where the kids were fighting over video games, and J tried to run across the busy road near us - but that's just life with kids.
The big boys were asked to repeat this level of swimming. LitteR passed onto level 3, and was learned she can do a one handed cartwheel.
Craftymama and I kind of talked about the activities we want to put the kids in for the fall: BigR - swimming again. K - Nanaimo Youth Choir. M - swimming again. LittleR - gymnastics and J is hopefully going into a reggio style preschool 3 morning per week. This is the plan...plans seldom work the way we want them to, but we will see.
Spent the evening the Craftymama, and I had a great time just chatting and bitching and all the good things that two women who essentially have no secrets from one another do.
It's days like these that I will miss when the kids are big, and their lives take them in different directions.
Also: for my work people who think that I didnt write this yesterday. I wrote it after midnight, while nearly falling asleep, and accidentally hit save draft, so I posted it this morning. Still counts for yesterday :P
It just felt like a really relaxing family day. Yes, there were the crazy moments where the kids were fighting over video games, and J tried to run across the busy road near us - but that's just life with kids.
The big boys were asked to repeat this level of swimming. LitteR passed onto level 3, and was learned she can do a one handed cartwheel.
Craftymama and I kind of talked about the activities we want to put the kids in for the fall: BigR - swimming again. K - Nanaimo Youth Choir. M - swimming again. LittleR - gymnastics and J is hopefully going into a reggio style preschool 3 morning per week. This is the plan...plans seldom work the way we want them to, but we will see.
Spent the evening the Craftymama, and I had a great time just chatting and bitching and all the good things that two women who essentially have no secrets from one another do.
It's days like these that I will miss when the kids are big, and their lives take them in different directions.
Also: for my work people who think that I didnt write this yesterday. I wrote it after midnight, while nearly falling asleep, and accidentally hit save draft, so I posted it this morning. Still counts for yesterday :P
Thursday, August 24, 2017
Bed time
ive been struggling with bed time a little bit lately. LitteR goes to bed at 7, K and M at 7:30, BigR at 8, and J sometime between 7-8.
Bedtime is different here, they go to their rooms but they don't have to go to sleep. They can sleep when they want, so long as they are reasonable human beings. But they often complain that their bedtimes are too early, when compared to other people.
And I get it, 7 for an eight year old is early. But, she doesn't have to sleep. And that's why we have established that they go to their rooms at that time. If that were being made to have lights out and go to sleep, we probably would let them stay up later.
But the kids don't get this - they don't realize how awesome it is that they are in control of their own sleep habits. And really, they do an amazing job at it. I don't want them growing up thinking we were mean parents for making them go to bed when the sun is still very clear in the sky, but I also don't want them to lose that wind down time between household chaos and sleep. Selfishly speaking, I like having a guaranteed child free and work free hours in a day. If they were up until even 9, I think I'd feel a little stir crazy...
Bedtime is different here, they go to their rooms but they don't have to go to sleep. They can sleep when they want, so long as they are reasonable human beings. But they often complain that their bedtimes are too early, when compared to other people.
And I get it, 7 for an eight year old is early. But, she doesn't have to sleep. And that's why we have established that they go to their rooms at that time. If that were being made to have lights out and go to sleep, we probably would let them stay up later.
But the kids don't get this - they don't realize how awesome it is that they are in control of their own sleep habits. And really, they do an amazing job at it. I don't want them growing up thinking we were mean parents for making them go to bed when the sun is still very clear in the sky, but I also don't want them to lose that wind down time between household chaos and sleep. Selfishly speaking, I like having a guaranteed child free and work free hours in a day. If they were up until even 9, I think I'd feel a little stir crazy...
Tuesday, August 22, 2017
My theme song poem...
I want to share a poem with you all that I read awhile ago, but so perfectly resonated with me that I still think about it. In fact, my Reddit username is based off of it:
I fall into the junk drawer of human existence.
In the way that no one knows what to do with me.
Or more accurately,
I don't know what to do with myself.
Like some oddball key that you haven't used
In 7 years but are sure it locks or opens
Something important.
Or a cable that powers a device
That was left at the beach three summers ago.
"What the hell is this thing?"
"I don't know, but don't throw it out."
That's me.
The don't throw it out things that's in the drawer
Filled with other human beings that don't quite
Fit in the silverware organizer or the mug cabinet.
And maybe it's a good way to live and maybe
It's also a drag some days not knowing what you're
Meant for.
Maybe you're a writer or an artist or a this and that
Some kind of person and you feel lost more than found.
That's cool. At least we're in the same drawer.
And maybe that's the purpose of not having
A fixed purpose.
To team up with other misfits and weirdos,
To do things that haven't been done before.
-Topher Kearby
I fall into the junk drawer of human existence.
In the way that no one knows what to do with me.
Or more accurately,
I don't know what to do with myself.
Like some oddball key that you haven't used
In 7 years but are sure it locks or opens
Something important.
Or a cable that powers a device
That was left at the beach three summers ago.
"What the hell is this thing?"
"I don't know, but don't throw it out."
That's me.
The don't throw it out things that's in the drawer
Filled with other human beings that don't quite
Fit in the silverware organizer or the mug cabinet.
And maybe it's a good way to live and maybe
It's also a drag some days not knowing what you're
Meant for.
Maybe you're a writer or an artist or a this and that
Some kind of person and you feel lost more than found.
That's cool. At least we're in the same drawer.
And maybe that's the purpose of not having
A fixed purpose.
To team up with other misfits and weirdos,
To do things that haven't been done before.
-Topher Kearby
Sunday, August 20, 2017
Personal Goal
I'm going to join a gym, or something. I'm going to try to be more active. By the end of September I will be more regularly active.
Vancouver
Just that city name, when said on its own has a whole story, and meaning behind it. But the 8 of us went there today to visit J's sperm donor, who I am sure I have talked about on this blog in the past but cannot find it for the life of me so I am going to call him A. We also went to the waterslides.
It was a long and fun day for everyone. I am tired, so again, I'm going to do bullet points.
It was a long and fun day for everyone. I am tired, so again, I'm going to do bullet points.
- J immediately took to A. They were chatting at breakfast, and then played at the park together. I have feelings to process because I had to work so hard for a connection with J, and how immediate it was for the two of them, makes me wonder if genetics can make a difference somehow.
- A has other donor children, Id like to learn more about them.
- A and J look so much alike!
- M is not a morning person, school is going to be fun...
- Waterslides were great, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, and do things that scared them.
- I, too, like waterslides.
- Glassman is a child at heart, and I love him for it.
- Ferries are so much more boring when you have children. I enjoy them more alone.
- I want to try to do more things as a family.
- I have reaffirmed my desire to get family pictures taken. It feels important to me and I can't pinpoint why.
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