Forlorn

So it's no stranger to anyone reading my blog, or to anyone that knows me that my family and I, and my family and Craftymama haven't really been getting along over the last 5 years. 5 years - that's how long I've been with Craftymama, and there is still drama and discontent.

Even SisterN, who we get along with and are good with now, was not supportive of us in the beginning and called us a bunch of insulting names. But we worked through that, and while I don't think that SisterN has ever apologized for those hurtful words she said, she has shown through her actions and her participation in our family that she is supportive of us. If she isn't, she hides it well, and that's fine with me too.

Then there is my mom, who has gone back and forth and which has been well documented on this blog and a variety of other places. I recognize that she is trying, and I am trying, and craftymama is trying. She came over to our house for Christmas, and we welcomed her into our house. We harboured no ill will towards her and I'm trying to start from scratch. I want to work things out with my mom. I want craftymama and my mom to get along with each other and not just tolerate each other when they are in the same room.

And my SisterE. You know, maybe it's the ECT, maybe it's the amount of time that has passed, but I honestly can't remember what has happened that has caused this huge rift between us. I know she doesn't like craftymama, I know she doesn't approve of my lifestyle - which is fine, there are a lot of people who don't. But there continues to be this distance. SisterE and I can talk to each other just fine, and we do, but not about family or anything because it leads to arguments. I don't like that. I don't like withholding pieces of my life from my family.

I just want to shove every body in a big room and have every one scream it out  until we all just get along. I don't even need everyone to be friends. I would like to have a big family get together one day with all my nieces and nephews, my sisters, my mom and my family and just be able to happily enjoy each others company.

I don't know where I went wrong, or what I have done. But I feel like I am at the vortex of all this strife. There doesn't appear to be anything I can do to help make things better, all I can do is not get involved as best I can. But in doing so I miss out on a lot, and a lot goes unsaid.

This makes me sad.