Working

Yeah, I know I said my next post would be on my potential relationship with Glassman in the future..but...I want to talk about something else.

After we all separated incomes last December, Craftymama and I realized that we needed more income. It was originally decided that we would both go to work part time, however - it was much easier for me to get a job then it was for her given that she has always wanted to be a stay at home mom, so doesn't have the same level of experience I do. I immediately got a job at a local coffee shop. Three months later I also got a job at a pipe shop. I quit the coffee shop job, and got promoted to a different area at the pipe place - essentially selling our herbs. I am a director of marketing now - sounds a lot more glamorous than it actually is.

Its weird. With Glassman's hours being significantly cut back at work, he is spending a lot of time at home both with the little kids while Craftymama take the big ones to school, or at home parenting with Craftymama. I blogged before about the jealousy that Glassman felt with me being at home with Craftymama, even though it wasn't quality time. On this end..I feel like the extra parent. The good Guy that I always saw Glassman as when he came home from work. I am a commodity. I don't have an active role in parenting like I used to.

I miss things. I dont hear about their days at school, because by the time I get home they have moved on. I dont know their likes and dislikes as well as I used to, and I have to get updates on their moods when I get home. Its a weird shift.

I'm not entirely sure I like it. I like going to work in the sense that I feel logistically useful, but I miss my kids. I miss staying at home and finding five minutes here or there to knit a few stitches. I miss trading off with Craftymama so we can get a break. I miss it all.

Craftymama is going to school to become a vet tech - and I was supposed to be going to school to study herbs so that I could eventually open my own clinic and treat people, but my school plans went on hold when I didn't qualify for a student loan and we wanted to buy a house. Now, I don't believe we can afford for me to go to school. Craftymama will be working, at least part time, and I will be staying at home - eventually. I am looking forward to staying at home. I am sad at the fact that I finally found something I actually enjoy doing, and could potentially make a respectable career - but I am financially unable to do it. It doesn't seem fair. But I suppose in giving up that desire, I get to fulfill the desire that is staying at home with my kids.

I don't know. I wish I was more involved. I wish any involvement I had didn't feel forced, or simply like I was being being placated because I don't feel connected. I'm not sure where the balance is...I just know I don't have it right now.

HOLY CRAP

Its been a long time since I've updated. Over a year! Lots has changed! Lots has gone on! But I want to start blogging again. I liked having a place to talk about the questions that come up with a poly relationship.

So a quick driveby of what has changed.

-Cableman moved out, and had a baby with HWB (thats her name from now on in this blog)
- We changed S's name, so on this blog she will now be referred to as LittleR
- Me and Craftymama are no longer in a relationship with Glassman, but he still lives with us.
- Glassman took a sudden trip to Europe last year to find himself.
- R and K go to school, a waldorf school.
- I am working as a director or marketing for a herbal company
- Craftymama is going back to school to become a Vet Tech.
- We are planning a move to a town about an hour away to be closer to the kids school.
- Craftymama and I really want another baby!
- I am currently battling severe depression and was working with a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist. Its been a really rough year.
- I have dyed my hair bluey black and I love it. It expresses my personality more. I really want it to be long.

Im going to try to update here more. I know no one really reads this, but maybe one day..one day they will.

OH, and I do still identify with poly, completely. I am not opposed to a relationship with Glassman again. More on that in my next post.